To ask how to stop having conversations with people in my head?

[Cinnamonandcoal]

When I'm angry about something someone (usually at work) has said, or I've been treated unfairly in some way.

Obviously it's unacceptable and unwise to just lay it all out for them so I'll make whatever more diplomatic response is justified but then just go over and over all the comebacks and arguements I want to make in my head. I think that's normal?

But I can't stop - I can't focus on anything else because I'm just constantly having these one sided arguments and it's not helpful or productive. I'd like to stop giving these idiots so much of my headspace, basically.

Do other people also do this, and are there any tips on how to calm myself down and turn my mind to other things?

I thought I was odd for doing this. I'm so relieved to know there's others who do exactly the same.

I even re run conversations from months or years ago.

It Is so draining.

I read mum's net on a night to tire myself out and to avoid the voices.

I like the bus idea too, I'll give that a try.

I uses to put my thoughts in a hot air balloon and let them float away...but they seem to sneak back in. It gets so noisy in my head and I've also began saying things our loud. Just tonight I was drying my hair and realised I was chuntering.

Its exhausting. I often wish I could switch off 😕

I do this a lot, I suspect it’s related to my ADHD. I also always have music playing all the time as well as other concurrent trains of thought!

The most annoying thing about it is when you then have to have the conversation in real life and they don't play their party correctly!

I have been doing mindfulness meditation daily for 18 years, and I still have this reaction when someone insults or hurts me, or mows down my boundaries, etc.

It can help to tell someone else and have them validate your feelings, take your side, and maybe even make you laugh about the situation.

The best thing for me is identifying the people who do these things and avoiding them - but obviously that's not always possible in work situations.

I think it is a stress reaction, part of the limbic system of the brain going into threat mode overdrie; it is not a normal part of the inner dialogue, ie.

*overdrive

I do this.
If I feel myself becoming wound up or stressed by the eventual hypothetical argument, I remind myself that it didn't actually happen.
I do find it helpful, in a strange way. By going over it again (and again) it helps me get my thoughts straight on the matter.

Try writing it down - helps me when it gets really bad.

I do this when someone’s upset me or the conversation has gone particularly stressful. I don’t like it because it keeps me emotionally upset and I can’t think about anything else while I’m in this circle of thoughts. Mindfulness doesn’t help at all.
I need to distract myself by doing something simple e.g cleaning the bath, washing dishes. I also like to have some background but not music as it makes me more emotional. Something factual is much better e.g history documentary, most of it I won’t remember after but it does the trick.

Talking to someone is perfect but it’s not always possible.
I know about writing technique but I just can’t find the time.

My thread has been resuscitated! I'm glad as it seems helpful to quite a few people. I'm clearly not alone.

My job is high pressure and a mistake would be a disaster (not life or death fortunately but would lose a lot of money).
I realised recently that the reason I have barely any downtime at the moment and keep constantly frantically busy is that I feel panic if I stop and actually think about things. Related to the issue of constantly having conversations with people in my head. Exhausting.

Audiobooks help to sleep.

Omg, I am exactly the same. Having an audiobook is the only way to stop listening to the thoughts.

I think being more assertive - politely - can help a bit. If you can communicate your feelings/ opinions at the time you don't have to think about it later. Maybe ask to do assertiveness training or a non violent communication course.

CBT and sertraline have helped for me. I used to fond i couldnt listen to podcasts because all of the different narratives in my head meant I couldn't follow them. An unexpected sertraline benefit is that I can listen to audiobooks now

Yes, mindfulness helps. And meditation generally. Also doing physical things (sport, yoga, crafts etc) where you can train yourself to let your body take over and your mind get absorbed along with it.

I still have a tendency to have conversations in my head, but I can stop it when I want to!

It's totally normal.
Journalling and mindfulness helps getting distant from the internal voice.