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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be irked with friend's CF attitude and that she takes advantage.

75 replies

pfs · 03/10/2022 11:00

Close friend goes to dinner with a male friend sometimes. It's not romantic, they are in the same job but she told me ''he always pays.'' This pisses me off as I think that if somebody pays once you pay the next time and if they pay anyway you just insist by throwing them the money anyway.

So example me and other friend went on long drive to coast yesterday in her car and she paid parking. I gave her 15 quid after although she tried to insist no. I just left it on her dashboard.

But friend doesn't seem to do this and allows people to pay for her and it irks me. Another time she met a man on a dating app and said she'd no interest in him but he paid for her and her son to go to a show costing significant money even though she'd no notion of dating him.

Other things is she has a man after her and they went away on a weekend together,he's mad for her but she says she has no interest in him or in sex but never lets him know this and refuses any sexual intimacy with him. I think she's leading him on and wasting his time.

Friend is 47 btw but aibu to think she takes advantage in ways?

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 03/10/2022 11:04

Tbh I really don't see what it's got to do with you. Yabu.

FrozenGhost · 03/10/2022 11:05

I don't do this, I wouldn't let someone else pay even if it was a date, but I couldn't get worked up about this. It's between your friend and her friends, if they are happy, that's fine. She's not taking advantage of someone vulnerable or tricking anyone.

LindaEllen · 03/10/2022 11:06

What has it actually got to do with you?
Not sure what you giving her money has to do with it as she said she didn't want it from you. But you gave it to her anyway and then complained about it?

coffeeandpoetry · 03/10/2022 11:06

Are you jealous that men want to pay for nice things for her, and not you?

KitchiHuritAngeni · 03/10/2022 11:07

It has literally nothing to do with you.

That said, I think you should walk away from this friendship because you clearly don't like her at all.

pantsville · 03/10/2022 11:09

Do you think she’s scamming these men in some way? Or are they just foolish enough to waste their money in exchange for a woman’s attention?

Sounds like a bit of both to be honest, I’d just leave them to it. It doesn’t sound like something I’d be keen on being involved in.

ashitghost · 03/10/2022 11:09

None of your business. If you don’t like her then end the friendship.

YellowTreeHouse · 03/10/2022 11:13

YABU. The man should pay.

She isn’t forcing anyone to pay for her.

Quitelikeit · 03/10/2022 11:14

this is a value based thing so you either accept it or call her out but as it doesn’t impact your life I’m not sure why you are so concerned

also giving £15 for a trip to the beach seems excessive- maybe she invited you as she knew you would cover her costs

NotLactoseFree · 03/10/2022 11:20

Unless she's making you pay more often and YOU are the one out of pocket, then yes, you're being ridiculous to be angry that she's letting someone else pay.

Having said that, it's perfectly okay to not like the way someone does thing and to consider their approach inappropriate and for that to makeyou less likely to be friends with them.

CannibalQueen · 03/10/2022 11:36

You come across as jealous hat she's getting away with it and you pay your way. You need to just back away. If she annoys you this much then dump her.

NKFell · 03/10/2022 11:37

If she doesn't pay her way with you then you need to tell her, regarding you and only you. What she does or doesn't do with other people, male or female is none of your concern.

It reads like you wouldn't mind her getting something for free if she provided sexual intimacy....🙃

TarasHarp55 · 03/10/2022 11:48

LindaEllen · 03/10/2022 11:06

What has it actually got to do with you?
Not sure what you giving her money has to do with it as she said she didn't want it from you. But you gave it to her anyway and then complained about it?

That was to a different friend.

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 03/10/2022 11:58

What does it have to do with you? Sounds like jealousy tbh. You don't sound like you like her or a great friend, so do her a favour and step away from the friendship.

phoenixrosehere · 03/10/2022 11:59

YABU

If people are CHOOSING to pay for her, how is she taking advantage and why is it any of your business what she does if it doesn’t involve you specifically? These people are adults and can choose how to spend their money.Unless these people are vulnerable in some way, you should leave it alone.

Why even be friends with her if this bothers you so much?

clowerina · 03/10/2022 12:00

I agree with you OP, that behaviour doesn't sit well with me, even in these instances although it's not really your business, but that said I couldn't be friends with someone with these kinda values. I guess that you're two very different people and unless you can accept it there's not really a future for your friendship.

mam0918 · 03/10/2022 12:05

Well she sounds like a gold digging twat but its not illegal... if your morals dont match up just dont hang around with her.

One day it will likely bite her on the backside big time but that will be her mess to deal with.

fruitbrewhaha · 03/10/2022 12:29

Perhaps the dinner friend earns more even though they do the same job?

Original poster
pfs · 03/10/2022 12:52

Do you think she’s scamming these men in some way? Or are they just foolish enough to waste their money in exchange for a woman’s attention

i think she sort of knows they like her but leads them on.

OP posts:
Original poster
pfs · 03/10/2022 12:54

She's not taking advantage of someone vulnerable or tricking anyone

going away with a man you know who likes you for the weekend when you have no interest in him is very much tricking someone I think, it's inappropriate. If the feeling isn't requited/mutual then I wouldn't go.

OP posts:
Original poster
pfs · 03/10/2022 12:55

Not sure what you giving her money has to do with it as she said she didn't want it from you. But you gave it to her anyway and then complained about it

i'm not complaining, I was outlining how best to face these situations I think. Look at how many cf mn threads they are.

OP posts:
Original poster
pfs · 03/10/2022 12:57

You come across as jealous hat she's getting away with it and you pay your way

no I just don't like her cf attitude. MN is a funny place, if I'd wrote this thread in a reverse gender the guy would be getting hung.

OP posts:
Riapia · 03/10/2022 13:07

Other things is she has a man after her and they went away on a weekend together,he's mad for her but she says she has no interest in him or in sex but never lets him know this and refuses any sexual intimacy with him. I think she's leading him on and wasting his time.

You only have her word that there was no sex.
Do you really believe it?

Original poster
pfs · 03/10/2022 13:10

You only have her word that there was no sex.
Do you really believe it

why would she lie?

OP posts:
KitchiHuritAngeni · 03/10/2022 13:12

If he fancies her, and she has had no romantic interest in him at all, then it's his fault for placing expectations on, what is clearly, a friendship.

She hasn't 'led him on' at all by the sounds of it.

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