I lost a near 90 kgs and I have never felt lighter;-)

[AdifferentGoat]

Pardon the awful subject line but I'm feeling a little bit festive ( I even bought tiny crinkly cocktail umbrellas). My divorce is finally coming through. Those of you who may (shockingly) remember my posts will know how I joined Mumsnet assuming it was normal to be married to a man who considered jogging at midnight while answering "vital" work questions normal. I didn't even bat a lid when he asked I "run" his social media and "share" his "tale" with the world.

I was married to a narcissist but the worst kind as I "knew" him and this couldn't "be him".

Sadly it was. He's still an asshole. But thankfully he's going to be someone else's problem as I and my little DD are rid of him. Custody wise, he is supposed to have her every other weekend so let's see how that pans out. Of course I want my little girl to have a strong relationship with her father and considering how much he battled me and my "mental health status" , I'd have hoped he wanted it too. Unfortunately he had a "urgent work appointment" and couldn't have her this weekend.

F**ker. We will be well without him.

I wanted to thank everyone here for giving me the strength to see and understand that I was married to a buffoon. No more. I am so happy to be free. I may not be in the financial position I once was but walking into my OWN little apartment and seeing my DD play in OUR little living room.. there are no words. I'm finally free. Sorry for how cheesy all this sounds but if you know anything about thinking you could never survive without someone, you will know why this is such a momentous thing for me.

Just wanted to share.

I remember your thread, he was a total bell end and I'm so glad you're rid! Go you

Oh gosh yes I remember this!! Well done OP

Oh yay, I remember that thread! I'm so glad you've been able to move on.

Your poor DD though. I hope she's OK and wish you grace to help her through this, because he's just going to keep not turning up, isn't he?

I remember this! So glad you’re out.

Who will run his social media now?!

Thank you! I am almost giddy with how wonderful it feels to be free of him. He said I'd be "provincial" without him (haha) but I'll choose to be happy and provincial any day vs another day with him and his "riches". In retrospect I cannot believe what I put up with, all because I thought it was what I deserved. I couldn't see beyond my situation.

His parting words to me were something else. He left me know I was aging and what man would "accept" a woman like myself and dragging a child no less. God, it felt so good to tell him that I don't NEED a man to validate me. My life is full with my DD and I'm excited to know who I am outside of him.

I remember you too. Such a lovely update! Good luck op!

Thank you for your kind words. He is supposed to have her every other weekend. He battled me re custody and had filed some documentation stating I was an "unfit" parent etc etc. At one point he threatened me re full custody as I was "unstable". Thankfully the judge laughed him out the room and we settled on current agreement.

How sad to see that he bailed and even though the last weekend was supposed to be his time with DD, he was too "busy". Of course I'd have loved the free time but I'm not going to force DD on him. If he can't make the time, so be it. I'll enrich her life in other ways. However I do worry her father's lack of presence might impact her as she does love him so much.

Congratulations OP. I vaguely remember your thread I think. I'm so pleased you're out of his bullshit.

Oh this is a good thing to read!

I remember your previous thread. He's a right BillyBigBollocksGoat isn't he?

Well rid.

Enjoy your sanctuary 💐

Oh well done! I remember your thread too. You are well shot of him.

Re contact, all you have to do is make her available on the agreed days. Don't let him mess you around and demand 'flexibility' from you. As she gets older, you can manage her expectations in an age appropriate way.

His long suffering personal assistant hah! He has updated his socials and now there are powershots of him gazing into the distance.

God, it felt so good to tell him that I don't NEED a man to validate me.

Ok, and I’m genuinely happy for you, but did you know there’s a Relationships board? YABU , as you seem to need to find the highest-traffic area of the site to get validation from others?

My life is full with my DD and I'm excited to know who I am outside of him.

This is a classic fallacy of the single mother - “my DD will become my world”. For all of us, single or in relationships, our children should be our worlds, but that’s just the baseline - we always remain people with interests and likes and personality. In theory.

we shouldn’t have to wait until we’re single to have a sense of self or individuality.

Thank you. I wept as I received my keys to my own apartment. It's nothing compared to where I used to live but it's my own. I feel decades younger. Unless the gin lied to me last night, even my stray grays are going back to their browns ;-)

What a blessing to have my own space. No amount of language can ever encompass how free I feel.

Brilliant news!

I remember the thread too and so nice to know you are rid of this useless lump

Enjoy!!

I also remember and am so happy for you!!!

And @SavoirFlair , wtf? go piss on someone else's picnic!

Thank you for your response. Naturally, like anyone, I do have my own interests. Sadly, I did not know I could be my own person without him. It's not a desired answer but it is the truth and maybe this can be the case for many women like how I was

I remember you, well done OP.

He is still going to think the World revolves around him and mess you around re contact. As DD gets older and if he shows himself to be consistent then you can be flexible if it suits you but just stick firm to the current arrangements and don't offer any flexibility for now as you'll be forever toing and froing.

It doesn't matter about your change in financial situation, your DC is too young to care and a happy home is so much more important than 'stuff'. Being single and getting to bring up your DC alone can be scary at times and awkward but it is also wonderful.

Remember your thread well, so glad you aand your DD are out, good luck for the future x

LOVE this post. So glad you’re away from this nightmare man. Good luck you you in your new, happy, loving home.

@SavoirFlair Who pissed in your cornflakes this morning?

I'm glad she posted in this high traffic area otherwise I wouldn't have seen the update.

Aaahhh I remember you and your twattish ex and his "brand". What a pillock!

I'm delighted you got away, well done! You must feel so free!

I bet he is gobsmacked you has the audacity to leave his wonderful self, hence his nasty little parting shots. Provincial??? I bet he can't understand why you'd not prefer to live in the glow of his reflected glory. Tee hee.

All good wishes to you and your DD! Here's to a great life together.

@SavoirFlair I think you need to ask yourself why you feel the need to bring others down in the this way.

I remember your thread OP, this is fantastic news. I wish you and your DD all the best in your new life. You have done a fantastic thing for both yourself and your DD.

I too remember your posts and I'm so glad to hear your news. I wish you and your DC a lifetime of happiness

Congratulations on losing the dead weight in your life.

Onwards and upwards. 💐