I lost a near 90 kgs and I have never felt lighter;-)

[AdifferentGoat]

Pardon the awful subject line but I'm feeling a little bit festive ( I even bought tiny crinkly cocktail umbrellas). My divorce is finally coming through. Those of you who may (shockingly) remember my posts will know how I joined Mumsnet assuming it was normal to be married to a man who considered jogging at midnight while answering "vital" work questions normal. I didn't even bat a lid when he asked I "run" his social media and "share" his "tale" with the world.

I was married to a narcissist but the worst kind as I "knew" him and this couldn't "be him".

Sadly it was. He's still an asshole. But thankfully he's going to be someone else's problem as I and my little DD are rid of him. Custody wise, he is supposed to have her every other weekend so let's see how that pans out. Of course I want my little girl to have a strong relationship with her father and considering how much he battled me and my "mental health status" , I'd have hoped he wanted it too. Unfortunately he had a "urgent work appointment" and couldn't have her this weekend.

F**ker. We will be well without him.

I wanted to thank everyone here for giving me the strength to see and understand that I was married to a buffoon. No more. I am so happy to be free. I may not be in the financial position I once was but walking into my OWN little apartment and seeing my DD play in OUR little living room.. there are no words. I'm finally free. Sorry for how cheesy all this sounds but if you know anything about thinking you could never survive without someone, you will know why this is such a momentous thing for me.

Just wanted to share.

Agreed

Gosh I remember this, well done sweetheart xx

Thank you. Haha, yes he said I was "provincial" and I'm apparently outdated and no man will ever have me, certainly as I'm lugging "baggage"( DD).

His words had the power to either ruin or make my day. But how lovely it is to wake and not let his talk affect me. For anyone who has been with someone that dominated, it is almost unfathomable to imagine that someone's words don't define you.

I don't know what the future holds and certainly, it is scary but yet I'm really proud of myself. I never ever imagined I'd be a single mum but here I am.

Brilliant! Glad you posted it here and not tucked away somewhere. That miserable poster is probably your ex's friend or some such!

Goat! It IS you innit - the (EX!)wife tasked with managing her H's "brand"?

Oh ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha hahahaha this is the BEST news!
Congratulations on extracting yourself, your daughter & your sanity from that utter cockwomble. Simply delighted for you, you will go from strength to strength.

(PS you are also 'allowed' to wobble, have less good days, & spend some time in reflection processing old sadness - IF that happens to you do NOT worry about it. Your strength & resilience will carry you through, & it's ok to encounter the odd period of overwhelm).

You are amazing btw. I remember your undaunted bravery & sense of humour well.

Thank you. Haha, yes he said I was "provincial" and I'm apparently outdated and no man will ever have me, certainly as I'm lugging "baggage

How odd (not) that he doesn't see his mighty self as encumbered by parenthood.
No loss, fuck off, bye bye.

😄 Good for you!

I remember your previous thread OP and am so glad to hear that you got rid of the useless bellend. I hope you and your DD have the life that you deserve. I wish you both all the best

@SavoirFlair can you explain what you feel is wrong with asking for validation, when you've just managed one of the most immensely difficult feats of your life?

Goat - ha, I validate you! You are valid, your feelings are valid, your struggle was valid, your escape is valid ... & your new apartment & provincial life are valid too! Anyone who seeks to gainsay that can stick their brand in their pipe & smoke it.

xxx

I remember you, OP, and I'm so happy MN helped you see a way forward. Well done on your exceptional weight loss! You are well rid xx

Congratulations, so pleased you made it out. Enjoy your new life with you little one. Remember he knows you and will always think he can play you, so however he thinks you will react to a situation do the opposite, it will hack him off more than you will ever know. Congratulations again x

Brilliant news. I also dumped my cheating baggage.

Thank you everyone. I'm crying as I read all the positive reinforcement. I don't have any help from family (my mother has cut me out as well). I'm also living half way across the world as my ex husband is American. I have made new supportive friends and it is very helpful.

However, it is lonely. Sometimes I catch myself feeling a little befuddled by my own decisions. Would it not have been easier to remind married to him and manage his social media portfolio? Should I have complimented him more? And then I'll hear from "our" friends and some will state that I'm "crazy" to have left him as we had such a good life. Ever so often (I am human), it gets to me. Am I robbing DD of a financially solvent life? But then, I have friends we had message me and state how happy they are for me and "FINALLY"

I know we shouldn't (technically) care what anyone thinks but I'm not a self actualized saint and I do care what people think and yes I do like validation. So it means a lot when people reach out and affirm my decisions.

But yes, it does get lonely and in my "real" life, I'm too busy working around the clock while managing a home for my DD, so there isn't time to just think and reflect. Also, I don't want to appear weak and nor do I have any desire to trash my ex husband. I keep a straight face and just get on with it.

I love that I'm able to share my story here and be bluntly honest as I do so. It may not always be appealing to hear there are women like me who were so obsessed with their partners and maybe had no interests as their entire lives were around their partners...but we exist!

We exist but we can also change. I'm changing. It will take time but for now, I'm just happy to wake and know my day is my own

I remember you too OP. Well done! Congratulations! Good riddance to bad rubbish! Enjoy your new found liberty. Teach your DD the best things in life. She may well love her (most probably very absent) DF but she must learn to love herself too. That is one of your important tasks. To protect her from him and the many others like him by building her self esteem. May you enjoy your freedom. All the best. x

So good to read this uplifting and positive post! Good for you. It takes strength and courage to get out of those relationships - and you did it. I wish you and your DD a joyful and happy life.

It's lovely to hear you so giddy and excited and not down trodden and without hope like before.

I really hope the future is bright and your self esteem keeps climbing.

Best of luck

😁😁😁That's just the best news OP. Xxx

I remember your thread and am extremely heartened to read how happy and upbeat you are about the future!

Oh I'm so pleased! I remember! Go you!

There will be down moments and days when you wonder, but do not doubt you've done the best you can.

It's a shame life didn't work out as it should have, but far better than it actually was with him!

Oh my goodness - I remember you post about writing his blog etc.

Well done! Well done you for your massive weight-loss plan. It's clearly agreeing with you.

I agree with the other poster who mentioned that him not being there for your daughter will be the next stumbling block and as she matures, she will see him for the complete and total arse that he is. There would only be so many no-shows that I would put up with before going back to court and getting the current arrangement adjusted in your favour. When does your DD get to have a say in whether she wants to go to her father's or not? Hopefully it's sooner rather than later.

Best of luck to you and your DD. Onwards and upwards from here!!

I remember your thread and am delighted you’re out of that awful relationship.

I have to ask though- how many Instagram followers does he have that he felt it required full time management?

Amazing news OP, so glad to read your update.

Well done you! Onwards and upwards.

Keep on reading up on Narcissism and let it sink in that the sooner he drifts away abandons DD the better it will be for her. Truly her only purpose is narcissistic feed for him and she will be cast aside at some point.

If you haven’t already read it, treat yourself to the absolute delight that is “Diary of a Provincial Lady” and enjoy being provincial!

Oh my gosh, I remember your story - your XH is the social media "brand" guy!! I almost laughed when I read he wanted to you to 'share' his greatness with the world, but didn't because I felt so awful for you that you were married to him. I'm thrilled that you're free of him!