AIBU for not wanting to go on holiday?

[noidea22]

AIBU - Disagreement with the DH that I need opinions on please.

He wants to go on holiday to somewhere in Europe over Christmas/NY.

So reason I don't want to travel

1. Sleep situation. We have a son that will be almost 3 at the time who naps for 2+ hours every afternoon. DS is not ready to sleep in a bed solo, and won't sleep in a travel cot. He sleeps in a cot at home. On our last 'holiday' it was me that bed shared as he woke all night and lay with him as he napped all afternoon. I was exhausted from the lack of sleep, and I struggled to enjoy the holiday because of it. It is always me that my son wants.
2. Potentially messing up naps, so that he no longer has his afternoon nap when we return.
3. Current financial situation. The worlds an scary expensive place right now, and my husband is a contractor without steady income. We have been on shaky ground recently with money, plus we might need money for IVF.
4. Our last holiday was cancelled at quite an expense as he was asked to work and could not risk turning it down.

His reasons for holiday

1. He lives for holidays. We have both traveled 50+ countries and met while travelling. They are his number one hobby.
2. He was recently working 12-17 hour days, for weeks on end. In his eyes we can afford it and we deserve it.
3. This might be his only time to go on holiday for the year. Unless it is between projects, but it very unlikely.

I tried to find a compromise where he agreed to sleep in a seperate room with my son, and increase pre school hours if naps get messed with, but I know he will just agree to anything to get what he wants, and then back out of it. He won't agree to a holiday in the UK.

Sorry for the long post, but I would really value anyones opinion or suggestions. Am I being totally unreasonable?

[Freshstarts22]

No real advice except that I wouldn’t let the worry over potentially ending nap times stop you. At 3 not many children still need a nap, so I imagine that will stop soon anyway. I work in a nursery and it’s quite unusual that 3 year olds still nap for 2 hours. The ones that do grow out of them prettt soon after they turn 3.

[gogohmm]

I wouldn't let naps and routine stop me, travel makes memories that last your lifetime. In 2 months a nearly 4 year old is likely to be dropping their nap. Personally I would simply book a room with a super king or similar sized bed and dd sleeps between you, that's what I did.

I would suggest taking a pushchair even if you don't routinely use one as they are great for evenings on holiday.

Obviously if you can't afford it that's different but I really wouldn't use sleep as a reason

[shiningstar2]

I understand the other issues but not so much the nap issue. If Ds is nearly 3 I would imagine he will be dropping his afternoon nap quite soon anyway 🤔

[Darbs76]

Go and enjoy it. Life is short and those naps will cease any day anyway

[underneaththeash]

3 yos are definitely ready to sleep alone. Maybe it’s you that isn’t ready?

I think a Christmas holiday sounds lovely.

[ReeseWitherfork]

My son is 3Y + 2mo and is slowly dropping his nap now. By 3 bedtime has become a nightmare so he definitely didn’t need one anymore.

Can I ask why your son still sleeps in a cot? I have a friend with a little boy the same age who does and I’m really curious why but there’s no real polite way to ask. (I mean there’s nothing particularly polite about my curiosity, it’s hardly out of concern, it just seems so odd to me as DS has been in a bed since he was 18 months so I can’t fathom it.)

[cooolio]

He won't be napping at all soon anyway. Why's he still in a cot?

Yes, I'd go on holiday if they were my only reasons not to

[Thegreenballoon]

That nap is probably on borrowed time anyway. Most 3 year olds don’t nap for several hours every afternoon unless they have a very late bedtime. (The “awake all night” is probably related to the “asleep all afternoon” on your last holiday….)

What does he want to actually do in Europe in Dec/Jan with a 3 year old? Ski? I wouldn’t mind the principle of going away but I wouldn’t want it to interfere with actual Christmas with my little one and I wouldn’t be willing to risk not being able to go because of his work. If he’s that passionate about travel then having a child and a very full on career probably wasn’t the most compatible choice…

[minidancer]

You can't run your life around a napping 3 year old! Nearly 4. Why are they still in a cot? I'd start dropping the naps now ready for your holiday and transition into a bed.

[minidancer]

Sorry, just seen nearly 3 not 4. Same applies though. A 3 year old would nap in a pushchair as needed

[Cw112]

I wouldn't worry about the naps etc but I would probably consider the type of holiday to suit that, like something very chilled by the beach type of thing over a busy city break. In terms of the finance etc I think that's pretty reasonable to consider. Could you do a staycation somewhere in an air bnb instead might be cheaper if you don't need to pay for flights but still get a break somewhere lovely?

[KangarooKenny]

I wouldn’t let your child be the reason not to go away, or it might cause resentment.

[errnerrcallnernnernnern]

I know he will just agree to anything to get what he wants, and then back out of it.

I would refuse to go away for this reason alone. Why does he do this?

[errnerrcallnernnernnern]

@KangarooKenny

I wouldn’t let your child be the reason not to go away, or it might cause resentment.

But it’s fine for her husband to agree to have DS in his room and then go back on his word?

[rookiemere]

How about somewhere that provides a proper cot and an extra bed www.los-jameos.com/rooms/family-room ?

[TokenGinger]

Everybody told me that my DS would drop his naps, too. He's almost 3.5 and still very much needs a nap. He is a little demon come 2pm if he hasn't had a nap. It's him who asks at around 12.30pm to go for a nap.

On the days where we've been busy and he hasn't had a nap, he doesn't go to bed any earlier or sleep any later, so his nap doesn't make a difference to his night time sleep (as in, it doesn't keep him up all night).

We've just been abroad and we took the pushchair with us and he would nap in the pram if we were out and about as he got sleepy. He did miss a few naps on holiday because the appeal of the beach and swimming pool was too much to miss, but he's very much been back into the swing of his naps pretty quickly so I wouldn't worry that the holiday would stop his naps. I think if they do stop, it'll be because he's naturally ready for them to stop xx

[Brefugee]

I'd go. But i would be much much more firm about turn and turn about if you are having issues at night with your child.

[MaryShelley1818]

Honestly it's absolutely bonkers to be a slave to a child's nap times at 3yr old. And putting a 3yr old in a cot is bordering on ridiculous.
Go on holiday and let your son grow up.
Why would you need more nursery hrs if he drops his nap? Enjoy spending time with him and go out and do something while he's awake!

So yes, YABVU. Go on holiday.
I've done 3 abroad holidays with DD recently (20mths) and her brother age 4 who's done 6 (would have done more but Covid).
We don't use cots and just do a bit of bed jenga wherever we're staying, push a bed against a wall, push another bed against that - easy! Some days there's a nap, some there's not, some days we were out until midnight watching fireworks.

[Squidlydoo]

I empathise…. Toddlers are hard work and sleep is so precious.

I also would be reluctant to take a three year old on a European city break - not much fun for them at all especially in depths of winter! Having said that I would consider perhaps something more toddler friendly like centerparcs… but I’m very much of the opinion with holidays that if children are happy, I’m happy (and it’s so much easier)

[20viona]

It's your problem not your child's naps. Get him a bed and cut the naps at his age. Enjoy a holiday

[rwalker]

The sleep and nap situation is ridiculous
it perfectly normal for a 3 year old to be in there own bed and naps will be stopping soon anyway

Sounds like you don’t want your child to grow up or need you less

[Leakingroofagain]

Don't live your life around naps and sleep. On holiday children are completely off schedule anyway. We just went away with my 3yo and he napped midday (never does) and was running around at 10pm (probably because of the nap), it was fine! You sometimes just have to roll with it or you'll never do anything.

[lickenchugget]

Building your life around naptimes of an almost 3yo is crazy.

Go for it and go on holiday.

[Pinktrews77]

Each child is an individual, they don’t all start magically staying awake all day on their third birthday. Some need more sleep than others.

That’s not to say that you may need to move him in to a bed and start encouraging him to sleep through the night for his and your sake, but you are where you are for the moment.

Given that, and given the fact that a three year old is probably not going to enjoy a European city break, I would compromise and get a holiday cottage in Scotland or something.

So my advice would be that both you and your dh need to compromise here!

[SquirrelCity]

Don't let naps stop you doing something your DH loves so much, especially when he's been working so hard with such long hours. At nearly 3, naps will very soon be a thing of the past (possibly he won't be napping by December anyway). You have three months to work on DS sleeping in his own bed.