AIBU for not wanting to go on holiday?

[noidea22]

AIBU - Disagreement with the DH that I need opinions on please.

He wants to go on holiday to somewhere in Europe over Christmas/NY.

So reason I don't want to travel

1. Sleep situation. We have a son that will be almost 3 at the time who naps for 2+ hours every afternoon. DS is not ready to sleep in a bed solo, and won't sleep in a travel cot. He sleeps in a cot at home. On our last 'holiday' it was me that bed shared as he woke all night and lay with him as he napped all afternoon. I was exhausted from the lack of sleep, and I struggled to enjoy the holiday because of it. It is always me that my son wants.
2. Potentially messing up naps, so that he no longer has his afternoon nap when we return.
3. Current financial situation. The worlds an scary expensive place right now, and my husband is a contractor without steady income. We have been on shaky ground recently with money, plus we might need money for IVF.
4. Our last holiday was cancelled at quite an expense as he was asked to work and could not risk turning it down.

His reasons for holiday

1. He lives for holidays. We have both traveled 50+ countries and met while travelling. They are his number one hobby.
2. He was recently working 12-17 hour days, for weeks on end. In his eyes we can afford it and we deserve it.
3. This might be his only time to go on holiday for the year. Unless it is between projects, but it very unlikely.

I tried to find a compromise where he agreed to sleep in a seperate room with my son, and increase pre school hours if naps get messed with, but I know he will just agree to anything to get what he wants, and then back out of it. He won't agree to a holiday in the UK.

Sorry for the long post, but I would really value anyones opinion or suggestions. Am I being totally unreasonable?

Your husbands reasons for wanting to go, make more sense than yours for not wanting to. I don’t have children so I was thinking “wow I didn’t know three year olds still nap for two hours a day”, I see from other posters that this probably isn’t the case generally. And do we all have to stop everything these days, surely it is better to carry on with life where possible.

If he stops napping on his return it’s because he doesn’t need a nap anymore.

Have you actually spoken to DH about this?

I’m suprised your nearly 3 year old fits in a cot to be honest.

@Aprilx I make my children 3 years old and nap on holiday so they can stay out late.

The nap and cot thing is U.

These are excuses, not reasons
You are pappy-assing your kid

Your OH sounds like he needs this break

I do not get why he has to agree to have the child in a separate room from YOU - it sounds like you want the world to orbit around you, OP.

Sorry, I did not intend that to come out as mean spirited as it probably has but what I mean is, it sounds like it is 'your way, or the highway' and you need to stop that , if you want to stay married

I understand your sleep concerns! My DS still has a solid nap at 3.5. DD still napped until she turned 4. Our issue on holiday was them sharing a room, as DS kept DD awake at bedtime.

I also understand your husband's desire to travel, especially if the last one got cancelled. Especially if you are considering another one, then it is a long time to wait until they have grown out of these trickier stages.

If you wanted to go on holiday, you could make this work. You could get him napping in a bed with a guard if needed or put a mattress on the floor. Many (most?) kids are in beds by 3. You could possibly find somewhere with an actual cot or buy a mattress for a travel cot. They money is a different issue of course.

But all this will be a lot of effort that will presumably fall on you. I can understand you just don't feel it is worth it. When did you last go away? Is it likely your son will have changed lots since then? I'd be more inclined to get DHs help beforehand. If he can get him sleeping in a bed/floor mattress, and deal with any wake ups, then you will go.

Don't listen to people about naps and the cot. You know your child. One of my kids had a 2 hour nap every day until she started reception and still occasionally sleeps for an hour or so on a Sunday afternoon. And both of mine stayed in a cot until they outgrew it at 5ish. No point in buying a new bed and chasing around a tired toddler if you don't have to!

I think that it isn't the type of holiday that a child that age will enjoy, at least mine are unlikely to. The sleep thing, most kids stop napping by 3 and you may find that he will nap in his pram should he need to whilst you are out and about. Unless you have a massive dripfeed coming I wouldn't be a slave to his naptimes at this age. Your bigger problem in my eyes is having a dh that says what he wants to get what he wants and then renegades. I'd deal with that issue before I considered ivf and adding a further child into the mix.

If you really wanted to go, you'd work around your DC.
It's fine to not want to go on holiday.

DP also loves holidays and loves to plan ahead for going away. I'm often on my knees by the school holidays (teacher), think breaks away are a faff and would prefer to crack on with stuff at home but find myself rail-roaded into going along with his enthusiastic preparations.

This half term, I have suggested DP take himself off somewhere nice. He'll be able to do the outdoorsy things he loves doing at full grown up speed without compromising with tired and interested DC. I think he might go for it. I'm thrilled.

Would your DP go away alone?

I think your excuses are just that, excuses. I'd go.

Yes it also depends very much on where you are going.

That age and that time of year, I'd go for Canaries and make it an easy beach holiday. DP can go off and see the modest sights if he wishes. Cold European town with no pool for entertainment, less keen in December.

I wouldn't let nap times stop me. My just turned 3 year old hasn't napped for months but on holiday she was work out in the afternoons and just slept in her buggy.
Life is too short.

YANBU. I have a dd the same age as your ds and I don’t like the thought of taking her on a plane right now. Also I don’t understand people who say that 3 year olds don’t nap - all mine did and I don’t see this one dropping her nap any time soon.

Why would preschool hours need to be increased if he stops napping? Wouldn’t you like to enjoy the extra time he’s awake with him? Or do you find looking after him difficult so want to preserve naps at all costs?

Children get so much benefit from holidays in terms of new experiences etc a weeks disruption or fear of him stopping naps shouldn’t stop you.

Unless you are really broke go for it , make cutbacks in other areas if need be . You only live once ! Nap times in the day won't last much longer anyway .

My 3 year old loved his long afternoon sleeps, would happily sleep in pushchair until woken up. We went to Florida when he was just turned 3 with family, we did things his age in the morning then whilst he slept we would do the things we wanted. In hotel room we had a mattress on the floor in our bedroom where he slept. Make the most of having holidays before you are limited to school holidays.

So any excuses. You are babying your son. Your husband sounds like he needs a holiday so has chosen a time he knows there won’t be work. Just go, you’re on borrowed time for naps anyway.

As long as something for you ALL to do on this holiday, and its not just about him, go and have a holiday. Enjoy, make memories, have fun. It will be over in a flash and normality will return.

A family oriented ski holiday might be fun op?
Wear the little one out pulling him on a tobaggan all day and playing in the snow and he might sleep all night!

Lots of family friendly resorts in Austria and France. But I do understand your concern about cancellations etc.

We deliberately transitioned our 2.5yr old DD to a single bed over the summer so that she'd be good to sleep without the cot when we go abroad at half term. You've got plenty of time to do that now in time for Christmas.

I think you're making excuses for not wanting to to, OP. I don't blame you, as I wouldn't want to go either! But I would at least just say I don't want to.

OP I am not keen on holidays currently either but more because of everything being delayed or cancelled all the time due to lack of staff/strikes/covid/Brexit/whatever "excuse" they come up with next.

Ignore the comments about sleeping in a cot - people move their kids into beds because they need the cot for their next baby. In any event, it's not a race. My son was about 10 days off his third birthday when he moved into a bed. However, he would sleep in a travel cot if we went away. What is his objection to a travel cot as opposed to a normal cot? Is he able to tell you?

Yes, OP is being very unreasonable to want to sleep more than 2 hours a day on holiday, whilst her husband snores the whole night away 🙄

I'm not sure what you think other people do on holiday OP but the past few times we have been on holiday with our just turned 3 year old was putting the mattress on the floor and cushions around. Never bed shared, none of us liked it.
My DD stopped having regular naps at that age and dropped to about 1 per week. On holiday everything was so exiting and stayed up later so she ended up napping everyday. I wouldn't be a slave to childrens naps especially when they are nearly 3.
Your other reasons are also a bit...meh!
If you don't want to go just say you don't want to go and suggest your OH goes in holiday with someone else

Could you compromise that he goes away with a friend before christmas? That way he gets his holiday but you don't have to go and he's still home for christmas.