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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave their dog at home?

60 replies

Rubywoo97 · 02/10/2022 07:53

DP and I have bought and renovated our first house-a gorgeous period property- it's finally finished and parents are visiting today for lunch. We have spent a great deal of time and money making it perfect and like it to be immaculate- we are childfree and have no pets. My parents have a large dog who we love to bits (think German Shepherd size) but he is extremely excitable and my parents never bothered to train him from when he was a puppy. This has resulted in jumping up, excessive scrounging at the table and barking if he's not fed from the table. He also barks loudly and climbs on furniture. I spoke to them on the phone yesterday and they announced they are bringing him. I said that this won't be possible but that we were looking forward to seeing them all. My dad got defensive and they basically persuaded me into letting them bring him saying they can't leave him alone for more than a few hours. I'm a little annoyed that they just assumed they could bring him and pushing for it when I said no. AIBU?

OP posts:
escapingthecity · 02/10/2022 07:54

They are BU. Your house, your rules. Is there a garden the dog can go in?

MinnieGirl · 02/10/2022 07:58

Your house your rules.
It’s entirely their fault for not training a large dog.
Is DH on your side?
If so, ring your dad back and say you don’t want the dog in your house, and if they can’t leave him, he has to stay in the garden. No arguments. If they can’t control their dog they shouldn’t have one.

Original poster
Rubywoo97 · 02/10/2022 08:00

We have a small garden but it's raining today and concerned about muddy paws!

OP posts:
MayThe4th · 02/10/2022 08:01

IMO it depends.

On the face of it you’re not unreasonable to expect them to leave the dog at home.

But, do they usually bring the dog with them? In which case you’ve essentially told them out of nowhere that you no longer want the dog in the house, and if they’ve been used to bringing him before and not leaving him, then it’s understandable that they’re put out at being told they can’t at the last minute.

mountainsunsets · 02/10/2022 08:01

YANBU - your house, your rules.

My dog isn't allowed in my parents house so if we go and visit, we make alternative arrangements for him.

They're probably right that they can't leave him at home for long but that's not your problem. Either one of them stays home with the dog or they pay for kennels, daycare or a dog sitter while they're out.

Blinkingheckythump · 02/10/2022 08:01

I voted yabu simply because you said he couldn't come and didn't stick with it

WillPowerLite · 02/10/2022 08:10

Depends. Your parents have a dog. You want to have your parents over to your home. Do they live so far away that a trip for a couple of hours at yours means it is impossible to leave their dog at home?

If so, you all need to come up with a plan for the future.

Also, if you want dog owners to leave their dogs alone for more than 3 - 4 hours, they may need more than 24 hours warning to sort something out. Telling him yesterday for today was unreasonable.

Yanbu to want a dog-free home. Don't go back on that. But it will take some coordination and thought.

Eyerollrsi · 02/10/2022 08:43

YANBU but neither are they if they choose the hairy beast's company over yours.

ILikeHotWaterBottles · 02/10/2022 09:28

God they are morons. Getting a German shepherd and not training it? It's not exactly difficult...

I'd ban it from the house too and send them a link to dog training classes.

YellowTreeHouse · 02/10/2022 09:29

YANBU. The answer is no. Enforce it.

urgen · 02/10/2022 09:33

putting a dog in the garden will result in scratched windows, barking and sad faces (by the dog!). They will know you are inside. Left in the car with some short walks?

Funkyslippers · 02/10/2022 09:34

Yanbu for not wanting the dig there but you should have stuck to your guns

Oopsilot · 02/10/2022 09:37

They can’t leave him for more than a few hours but YANBU to tell them you don’t want him coming with them. Could they not just have a shorter visit?

TooMuchToDoTooLittleInclination · 02/10/2022 09:39

They're your parents. Why has them intending to bring the dog come as a surprise to you?

you should have been making comments during the renovation 'make the most if it Fido, you won't be able to visit once the flooring is down'. 'Mum/Dad have you ever considered actually training the hairy Monster?'

Mum/Dad why don't we come to you today instead, you can come here next week - that'll give you time to sort out a baby sitter for Fido'

fruitstick · 02/10/2022 09:41

I have a dog. My sister has a beautiful house.

We either leave him at home or if I do 'pop round' he stays in the garden.

I won't be taking him round in the winter.

JenniferBarkley · 02/10/2022 09:41

YANBU, but you do sound a bit overly precious about your house. Homes are to be lived in, and a few muddy footprints can easily be mopped up. However, smoking and dogs are two things that are absolutely not allowed in my house, and you get to make that choice.

I'd just relax on the perfect house front a little so you can enjoy having people over without freaking out.

mondaytosunday · 02/10/2022 10:19

I'd tell him the dog remains in the car and they can go out and walk him if needed.
You should have stuck to your guns though.

MrsSkylerWhite · 02/10/2022 10:20

It’s you or the dog. If they don’t want to leave it at home, they don’t come to lunch.

TooMuchToDoTooLittleInclination · 02/10/2022 10:22

JenniferBarkley · 02/10/2022 09:41

YANBU, but you do sound a bit overly precious about your house. Homes are to be lived in, and a few muddy footprints can easily be mopped up. However, smoking and dogs are two things that are absolutely not allowed in my house, and you get to make that choice.

I'd just relax on the perfect house front a little so you can enjoy having people over without freaking out.

@JenniferBarkley so it's perfectly fine for you not to allow dogs in your home (when paw prints are so easily cleaned up) but the OP is being precious & freaking out for wanting the same.

...riiiight.
🤦🏻‍♀️

HaPPy8 · 02/10/2022 10:27

WillPowerLite · 02/10/2022 08:10

Depends. Your parents have a dog. You want to have your parents over to your home. Do they live so far away that a trip for a couple of hours at yours means it is impossible to leave their dog at home?

If so, you all need to come up with a plan for the future.

Also, if you want dog owners to leave their dogs alone for more than 3 - 4 hours, they may need more than 24 hours warning to sort something out. Telling him yesterday for today was unreasonable.

Yanbu to want a dog-free home. Don't go back on that. But it will take some coordination and thought.

This nails it really.

JenniferBarkley · 02/10/2022 10:27

That's clearly not what I said. Fine not to want a dog in your home.

Also fine to want your house to be perfect - but keeping everything pristine and chasing friends and family around with cloths and coasters does not a pleasant atmosphere make. Sounds like OP has put a lot of work into her house and it might be time to relax and enjoy it rather than worrying about it being a perfect showhouse.

moonypadfootprongs · 02/10/2022 10:34

YANBU for not wanting the dog in your house but YABU for not having discussed this with them earlier.
You cannot expect people to come up with solutions for the dogs at such short notice. So I'm afraid you may have to suck it up that you won't be seeing your parents as much from now on.
I have dogs. I don't expect people to accommodate them in their homes but if the dogs are not invited then people do have o understand that I do have a huge commitment to them and can't leave them for long. So I cannot stay for as long as I might have been had the dogs come along too.

Brigante9 · 02/10/2022 10:52

Why didn’t you insist? It’s your house, they don’t get to dictate that you have to have a dog in your house. You’re setting a precedent by allowing them to bring it.

CaptaNoctem · 02/10/2022 11:02

Well your father is right - dogs shouldn't be left for more than a few hours. A lunch would be OK if they live nearby. If they have to travel then it would need to be a quick lunch.

You'll have to work out a solution going forward but be prepared to be seeing much less of your parents.

doobedooboom · 02/10/2022 11:03

You can't just leave your dog in the car. Like a child they can be stolen. Whilst you don't have to appreciate that dogs are members of the family, surely posters can appreciate that people who have pets have a responsibility to make sure they are safe? And you can't leave a dog for longer then four hours ideally - they need to go to the loo etc. and you can't give dog owners no notice that they will need to make dog care arrangements. These are living breathing animals that have needs. Baffles me some of these responses.