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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Every single, little thing is difficult with Dd

37 replies

Missedstrictlyagain · 01/10/2022 21:28

Dd, just turned 4, love her to bits, but god, she’s hard work!
Literally every little thing is a problem at the moment, she’s so demanding and wants everything and cries and shouts when she doesn’t get it. From the minute she wakes up until she goes to sleep it’s difficult some days…Dh and I are at our wits end. Went an hours drive for a *Nice day out today…it was draining from start to finish…is this normal? Feel like I’m doing something wrong…she wasn’t like this even as a toddler
Life isn’t great for any of us like this at the moment!

OP posts:
Original poster
Missedstrictlyagain · 01/10/2022 21:34

Anyone else with a 4 year old like this or remembers what their 4 year old was like?

OP posts:
Hymnulop · 01/10/2022 21:35

My daughter is 5.5 and is exactly the same. Has your DD started school? This makes things worse with their emotions and lack of control over them. If she hadn't started school it's still seemingly normal for this age and will continue for a while. We're battling through, I feel like the worst mum ever today but tomorrow is a new day and 🤞 it'll be a good one.

Hymnulop · 01/10/2022 21:36

*hasn't

Onionbhajisandwich · 01/10/2022 21:37

Both of mine were a nightmare in one way or another at that age. I think ages 4 - 6 were the hardest, even harder than new born and toddlers. It does get better though x

NuffSaidSam · 01/10/2022 21:38

Has she just started school? Or nursery?

NuffSaidSam · 01/10/2022 21:39

Generally, with this sort of behaviour I'd dial everything back, calm everything down. Cut back on stuff you're doing and concentrate on simple, easy time together. Make sure she is sleeping and eating enough. Back to basics. Pick your battles.

Original poster
Missedstrictlyagain · 01/10/2022 21:41

She’s just started pre school, but tbh, it started before then, she was great (well, had her moments) up until around 3.6, then has gradually become harder. She just seems so upset with everything at the moment, we can’t do anything right and she’s so demanding, it’s v stressful

OP posts:
Original poster
Missedstrictlyagain · 01/10/2022 21:42

*Then her behaviour has gradually become harder.
I always assumed once past the toddler stage, things were easier…it’s been the other way round

OP posts:
ViSovari · 01/10/2022 21:43

This has been my day too, DD also four. It’s so hard, every request is met with a “no” and every time I don’t give into her demands she has a foot stamping tantrum. She’s such a sweet and intelligent girl, but she’s so headstrong sometimes I just want to cry!

Original poster
Missedstrictlyagain · 01/10/2022 21:47

@ViSovari Awful, isn’t it 😫
What are her foot stamping tantrums like? I’m not sure if our Dds are really out of control?
Today we were in a restaurant and she wanted a ball from the machine thingy and we said maybe after we’d eaten..we were choosing from the menu etc…the fuss and noise she caused, we ended up leaving, it just wasn’t worth it (the food wasn’t what we wanted either) but it just seems we can’t go anywhere at times…she used to sit so well and eat, we’ve taken her everywhere with us since she was teeny, just easier to stay in at times now

OP posts:
IsThePopeCatholic · 01/10/2022 21:51

It sounds perfectly normal. I think you should be pleased your dd has a strong character and is no pushover.

Original poster
Missedstrictlyagain · 01/10/2022 21:52

@IsThePopeCatholic Well, there’s not being a pushover and then being rude and argumentative and sort of spoilt acting 😫we didn’t being her up to act like this

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ViSovari · 01/10/2022 21:53

the foot stamps are just her expressing that she isn’t getting her own way - head down, pouty lips and a stomp.
And like @IsThePopeCatholic says, I am pleased that she has a strong character and knows her mind. It will be soo good for her as she grows up.
its just not easy parenting it some days.

bakewellbride · 01/10/2022 21:53

Our 4 year old has periods in the day of being like this.

ViSovari · 01/10/2022 21:55

I also worry that she can be spoiled sometimes, but I was raised in a very strict house, which looking back my
parents raised us well but I didn’t always feeel the warmth of love from them. I’m desperately trying to raise her with love but with the boundaries I grew up with.
I don’t think I get it right all the time and so the days when she’s demanding and acting spoiled make it feel so much harder

miraveile · 01/10/2022 21:55

Unfortunately you've got to avoid triggers. We don't go to restaurants very often at all cos she hates them and can't sit still so none of us enjoy it. It's crap but it's only tor a year or so. If it's a birthday or something one of us goes and the other stays home with her.
When mine has a tantrum, I tend to give her a hug and tell her I understand that it's hard when she can't do /can't have X. They are very short lived now.
Work in shifts - we always make sure we each get 4 hours ish off on a weekend and a lie in each one day each!

EscapeRoomToTheSun · 01/10/2022 21:56

Yes my almost four year old has become so difficult!

DM1720 · 01/10/2022 21:59

Yes my boy (just turned 5) is like this. It comes and goes though in phases since he turned 3. Very hard to plan anything like holidays for example because if he’s going through one of these phases he’s a nightmare. But it really is walking on eggshells with him. Good sleep definitely helps and good routines. But really can’t go to restaurants or shops with him as he’s too difficult. Hoping he grows out of it! 🤞🏼

Original poster
Missedstrictlyagain · 01/10/2022 22:05

@DM1720 Yes to the walking on eggshells part! I feel like we’re worried about doing anything to upset her/the apple cart at the moment and then I think it’s nuts how she’s having that power over how we live, if that makes sense? She wasn’t like this before

OP posts:
Original poster
Missedstrictlyagain · 01/10/2022 22:06

@miraveile How old is she?
Do you give in to the tantrum or stick to your guns if you’ve said no to something she wants etc?

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NumericalBlock · 01/10/2022 22:15

3.5yo here, she is soooo difficult. Everything involves screaming at DH and I, even positive things. And every little thing is a massive drama. It's so tiring. We've just moved which has ramped things up but she's been 'fun' for a few months. The bits in between of the sweet child she is growing into is keeping us going!

homarrrerr · 01/10/2022 22:24

My 5 year old is exactly the same.

It drives me insane. It's whinge after whinge after whinge. Nothing is good enough. Ever.

polkadotpixie · 01/10/2022 22:28

My just turned 4 year old is EXACTLY the same, he drives me demented with the constant whinging, crying, demanding and general nightmare behaviour

hanahsaunt · 01/10/2022 22:34

I do remember reading on Mumsnet many, many years ago about how everyone tells you about the terrible twos yet fail to mention the f'ing fours ... Cue much hollow laughter. Was certainly true for at least one of ours.

NeedAHoliday2021 · 01/10/2022 22:35

Honestly, everyone is so scared of the teen years. My dc are 14 and 11 - life’s pretty chilled and I’m much more my own person. I’m loving these ages.