Every single, little thing is difficult with Dd

[Missedstrictlyagain]

Dd, just turned 4, love her to bits, but god, she’s hard work!
Literally every little thing is a problem at the moment, she’s so demanding and wants everything and cries and shouts when she doesn’t get it. From the minute she wakes up until she goes to sleep it’s difficult some days…Dh and I are at our wits end. Went an hours drive for a *Nice day out today…it was draining from start to finish…is this normal? Feel like I’m doing something wrong…she wasn’t like this even as a toddler
Life isn’t great for any of us like this at the moment!

[PussInBin20]

I think it’s pretty normal. They are gaining independence at that age and testing the boundaries. I wouldn’t give in to all of her demands though or life will be difficult as she gets older.

I would maybe ignore her silly demands/tantrums (if poss) but stay firm on more important ones.

I know it sounds easier said than done but she will grow out of it.

[mycatisannoying]

I have teenage girls. I'd LOVE to say it gets better ... 😬

[Birdie135]

What’s your parenting style like?

[maryberryslayers]

I could have written this. Nothing is good enough for our just turned 4 year old. He whines constantly. Cries and screams over everything at the slightest hint of not getting his own way. Often accompanied by throwing himself to the floor.
I have lowered my expectations dramatically. I am trying to pick my battles and say yes to everything I can within reason.
It's draining but it will pass.

[Singleandproud]

All behaviour is communication. It's likely she's too young to be diagnosed with additional needs and it may well not be that but there would be no harm in trying some strategies that benefit people who are ND and seeing if that helps.

Use social stories to show routines and changes to routines.
Ear defenders to reduce sensory input.
Make sure you are modeling the language when she screams for something and give her the words to understand her feelings.
Travelling an hour in the car for a nice day out puts too much pressure and expectations on all of you for the perfect day, keep weekends low key and the big trips out for midway through the holidays. A perfect day to a 4 year old is jumping in puddles, collecting rocks, shells or leaves and having home comforts.

At 4 she is likely to be tired from preschool, potentially sensorary overloaded as she must have spent a large chunk of her life isolated from the world because of covid

[Gruffling]

It's a hard age, hard for them.

[Fauviandelight32]

Just wanted to post out of solidarity as it sounds so much like my 4 year old daughter. The low point last week was physically having to carry her out of a supermarket in the midst of a tantrum about not getting a bloody cupcake. She yells and screams and can really work herself up. I agree you feel like you’re walking on eggshells. She never, ever gets her way when she has a tantrum but tbh that doesn’t seem to have helped. It’s just really hard going some days. She is so funny and sweet and I can sometimes see her really try to keep it together but other times she goes nuclear.

Might get crucified for this but sometimes it makes me really regret having a kid, my life was so much less stressful before!

Anyone here had a kid like this that grew out of it?

[Icecreamandapplepie]

I read the thread title and thought I bet she's gonna be 4 🤔

Totally normal and totally infuriating

[Raidtheice]

@Missedstrictlyagain

@miraveile How old is she?
Do you give in to the tantrum or stick to your guns if you’ve said no to something she wants etc?

God no, don't give into the tantrums! Never give into the tantrums. Show no weakness!

[unvillage]

So she's literally only just turned 4 - imagine if she was born a few weeks earlier and was now going to school!

Count your blessings. An hour's drive is a lot to ask for any young child. 4-year-olds are mini teenagers - stroppy about every little thing. Don't give in, but give her choices for things that you know are likely to start a strop - "would you like to do this thing now or after we do this thing?" "do you want to brush your teeth before or after your bath?" "would you prefer the big cup or the small cup for your drink?" It will get better, I promise!

[Missedstrictlyagain]

Relieved to see it’s a common thing, although sorry others are going through the same!
She’s just sooo demanding and wants it all her own way..if we’re in the car and I turn a channel over for another song, it’s immediately ‘I was listening to that’ fair enough if she was so I turn it back, but it’s with every little thing and almost like she just has to go against things. She got upset the other day because Dh tidied up the toys off the floor because she wanted to do a specific, tiny toy 🙈he obviously had no idea and she cried for ages about it. She also takes sooo long to get ready to go out, just everything is difficult 😫she’s an amazing, funny, bright, gorgeous girl but how do you deal with this testing behaviour?! Dh and I were seriously just worn out today and on edge

[Usernamepleasework]

EXACTLY the same here too with my 4.5 year old. Word for word the same absolutely exhausting and we have a 3 year old who is completely different character wise to my 4.5 year but he is now starting to copy him with the demands whinging tantrums ect Some days I just feel like giving up and giving in but can’t must keep strong as don’t want to raise brats lol

[NeedAHoliday2021]

Honestly, everyone is so scared of the teen years. My dc are 14 and 11 - life’s pretty chilled and I’m much more my own person. I’m loving these ages.

[hanahsaunt]

I do remember reading on Mumsnet many, many years ago about how everyone tells you about the terrible twos yet fail to mention the f'ing fours ... Cue much hollow laughter. Was certainly true for at least one of ours.

[polkadotpixie]

My just turned 4 year old is EXACTLY the same, he drives me demented with the constant whinging, crying, demanding and general nightmare behaviour

[homarrrerr]

My 5 year old is exactly the same.

It drives me insane. It's whinge after whinge after whinge. Nothing is good enough. Ever.

[NumericalBlock]

3.5yo here, she is soooo difficult. Everything involves screaming at DH and I, even positive things. And every little thing is a massive drama. It's so tiring. We've just moved which has ramped things up but she's been 'fun' for a few months. The bits in between of the sweet child she is growing into is keeping us going!

[Missedstrictlyagain]

@miraveile How old is she?
Do you give in to the tantrum or stick to your guns if you’ve said no to something she wants etc?

[Missedstrictlyagain]

@DM1720 Yes to the walking on eggshells part! I feel like we’re worried about doing anything to upset her/the apple cart at the moment and then I think it’s nuts how she’s having that power over how we live, if that makes sense? She wasn’t like this before

[DM1720]

Yes my boy (just turned 5) is like this. It comes and goes though in phases since he turned 3. Very hard to plan anything like holidays for example because if he’s going through one of these phases he’s a nightmare. But it really is walking on eggshells with him. Good sleep definitely helps and good routines. But really can’t go to restaurants or shops with him as he’s too difficult. Hoping he grows out of it! 🤞🏼

[EscapeRoomToTheSun]

Yes my almost four year old has become so difficult!

[miraveile]

Unfortunately you've got to avoid triggers. We don't go to restaurants very often at all cos she hates them and can't sit still so none of us enjoy it. It's crap but it's only tor a year or so. If it's a birthday or something one of us goes and the other stays home with her.
When mine has a tantrum, I tend to give her a hug and tell her I understand that it's hard when she can't do /can't have X. They are very short lived now.
Work in shifts - we always make sure we each get 4 hours ish off on a weekend and a lie in each one day each!

[ViSovari]

I also worry that she can be spoiled sometimes, but I was raised in a very strict house, which looking back my
parents raised us well but I didn’t always feeel the warmth of love from them. I’m desperately trying to raise her with love but with the boundaries I grew up with.
I don’t think I get it right all the time and so the days when she’s demanding and acting spoiled make it feel so much harder

[bakewellbride]

Our 4 year old has periods in the day of being like this.

[ViSovari]

the foot stamps are just her expressing that she isn’t getting her own way - head down, pouty lips and a stomp.
And like @IsThePopeCatholic says, I am pleased that she has a strong character and knows her mind. It will be soo good for her as she grows up.
its just not easy parenting it some days.