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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think school shouldn’t have left out 8 kids?

67 replies

CoffeeHousePot · 01/10/2022 18:02

My DS goes to an independent primary school (all boys). He’s in Y 4. Rugby is a big thing at the school. My DS’s year is small 26 kids in 2 classes. They are split into three teams A, B and C based on ability. There are 8 kids in Team C. Ds is one of them. I’ve no issue with that.

Today on WhatsApp/Instagram are pictures of a rugby tournament run by the school (7 a side). They’ve invited other schools. Only Teams A and B were invited. So 8 children out of the year were not.

I just don’t think this is on. Given it was a weekend I imagine some children would not have been able to come, surely they could have rejigged the teams with a few subs on each team and everyone could have been invited? I just think they are 8/9 and to leave less then a 1/3 of the year out is mean. Fair enough if the year was bigger, but surely when you get to the point less then 1/2 kids won’t be invited you look to try and include everyone?

There’s plenty of time for the less sporty kids not to be selected why do it so early? My son is not as good as the most able kids, but it’s not the stage where it’s obvious. .

My DH however thinks it’s fine (he was good at rugby). You can’t be expected to be selected for everything. His view is if the kids aren’t good enough then they will be demoralised playing against more able kids.

So:

YABU - school should not have left out the C Team/should have rejigged to include everyone.
YANBU - it was fine. You can’t expect kids to be selected for everything/would be unfair to make C team players be subs for B team.

OP posts:
Stompythedinosaur · 01/10/2022 18:03

Sorry, I think that merit-based selection is just something that happens in sports.

Hugasauras · 01/10/2022 18:05

I think it was fair enough as it wasn't in school time so it's not like anyone was left sitting alone in a classroom.

Notimeforaname · 01/10/2022 18:05

Not everything in life is fair. Some are better than others at different things. That's just how it goes. Best for children to learn this as soon as they can.

NoSquirrels · 01/10/2022 18:06

Your voting options appear to be the wrong way round.

I’m afraid I’m with your DH. That’s life. Encourage your DS to be active in as many different ways as possible, and don’t get hung up on school sporting stuff.

SleepingStandingUp · 01/10/2022 18:06

Do C ever get to play rugby? Is there scope to get moved up if someone improves? Or is that it from now, regardless of whether kid in A ever turns up or just ignores the ball etc?

Floralnomad · 01/10/2022 18:07

YABU , this will always happen where sport is concerned .

Original poster
CoffeeHousePot · 01/10/2022 18:07

@NoSquirrels Ive just realised that - sorry. In my head I was going on was School unreasonable to not…

OP posts:
Floralnomad · 01/10/2022 18:08

Sorry that should have been YANBU - you’ve got your voting round the wrong way .

Textboxmm · 01/10/2022 18:08

Not everyone gets a medal all the time. If the school thought that the team was ready to play agaithat level of opposition then they did them a favour.

Testina · 01/10/2022 18:09

It’s hardly just a few kids. It’s almost a third of the year. I expect that most of the A & B teams were available. There was a big thread recently about private school parents and part of what they’re paying for being good sports opportunities. I wish my children’s state primary hosted rugby tournaments in Y4! For a lot of the parents, these are the opportunities they’re paying for, so they’d have made they’d kids available. Your son isn’t good enough at rugby, and was part of a significantly sized minority left out. He will have opportunities for other things. Something we have to accept that our darlings can’t shine at everything!

Original poster
CoffeeHousePot · 01/10/2022 18:09

@SleepingStandingUp they do. The school plays fairly regular matches against other schools: if the other school has a C team they do. If not they just do training:

They can move up or down if they improve/get worse:

OP posts:
OhBeAFineGuyKissMe · 01/10/2022 18:11

At that age physical sports is so based on size, which is strongly correlated by age. Leaving out just 8 kids is not good, sport isn’t that competitive at this age, it is more important to instil a love of physical exercise.
It is very easy for someone who was good at sports and picked to realise the pain of not being included.

Madamecastafiore · 01/10/2022 18:11

The thing with rugby is that you can get hurt if you play and aren't confident or able. If you know what you're doing and go in for a tackle you should be ok but if you're nervous and hesitate you could get hurt.

If my son was crap at rugby I'd have reservations about him pulling his boots on and being tackled by kids who were physically more able than him. Football not so much as there's less contact but rugby can be brutal even for 8 year olds.

Testina · 01/10/2022 18:11

I think you’re over egging the pudding saying less that a 1/3 were left out. 1/3 would be 8.7 children, so 8 is a rounded down third anyway. Sure, technically it’s less than a third - but it suits your narrative to suggest the amount left out was small, when really is was pretty much a third of the class - which is far from just a few.

SpringIntoChaos · 01/10/2022 18:11

It's sport...best players get picked!!! That's just the way it is 🤷‍♀️

We don't send the C Team to the Olympics do we?? Get a grip OP.

TeenDivided · 01/10/2022 18:15

OP. Read Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell.

Professional sports people are over represented in the birth months just after a cut off date for their sport. When 8/9 they are on average bigger, more coordinated, so they get picked for teams / extra coaching, so they get even better, so they get picked for teams / extra coaching .... The younger & smaller ones on the other side of the cut off don't get picked, or get extra coaching, and get disheartened.

arethereanyleftatall · 01/10/2022 18:16

I loved my dds state primary school because they did exactly what you want - which was great for my non sporty daughter. It was 'hands up who wants to be in the netball match' for example. Everyone who wanted to, got picked, simple as that.
Whereas, my friends children at private school, they do exactly as yours did, as they have a reputation to protect - of being a sporty school. You tend to get the choice when you pick a private school - pick a school that has the best results and of course this is the consequence; or pick a private school that doesn't but is renowned for inclusion.,

PuttingDownRoots · 01/10/2022 18:16

Join a local team if you want more opportunities. DD gets to an in every game (just a half usually) and shes the weakest player (as well as the youngest and smallest, its a mixed U11/U10 team and the majority are U11 boys).

They probably agreed a maximum team size with the other teams.

itsgettingweird · 01/10/2022 18:19

Would you say the same if it was a maths challenge or spelling bee?

Would you expect all pupils in the year to attend despite some really not being of a good standard and it'll show?

Sports work the same.

My ds is a swimmer.

I laughed really hard at a parent one day who commented "they always pick the same fastest swimmers for the competitions"

Me "well yes - they pay to enter and want to at least try and win!"

My ds was never chosen. He'll never be chosen (he has a disability so competes parasport).

I'd only have concerns if they pick the teams and they remain static despite pupils ebbing and flowing in who's the best 8 and next 8 etc.

Original poster
CoffeeHousePot · 01/10/2022 18:26

@Madamecastafiore i appreciate that, but he’s not “crap” at rugby.
I’ve no issue with him being in the C team. But in training they are all together. House rugby they mix them up so they clearly don’t have safety concerns z

@TeenDivided I will. My DS is a summer born baby.

@arethereanyleftatall i think that’s what surprised me a bit. The school is very inclusive normally. There’s a couple of local schools which are much more pushy and I didn’t choose them for that reason.

@OhBeAFineGuyKissMe i think that’s my concern. I just don’t think it’s sending out the right message at this age. I have no issue with selection. My eldest is in the C team but in a much bigger year. So if A and B go somewhere there are still the C, D, E and F teams not going. It just feels like this small group are already being set up as “crap” at rugby - as one poster has already commented.

OP posts:
Curta · 01/10/2022 18:28

How does three groups of eight actually even include all 26 children in the year?

Original poster
CoffeeHousePot · 01/10/2022 18:29

@itsgettingweird it’s not the selection part per se. If the A team had gone off to a tournament fine. As I’ve mentioned my eldest is also in the C team, but in a much bigger year. So if A and B go off somewhere there is still a big group left.

So I would have an issue if the school did a maths challenge and said 18 kids were good enough to go and 8 weren’t. I would be really concerned the 8 would (at Agee 8) would go “I’m rubbish at maths”. If they took 6 or so no issue.

OP posts:
Original poster
CoffeeHousePot · 01/10/2022 18:30

@Curta theres 9 on the A and B teams. Depending on other teams size they play 7/8/9 a side and they swap kids in.

OP posts:
TeenDivided · 01/10/2022 18:31

I suspect the school was limited as to how many teams it could enter due to the rules of the tournament. If schools can enter 3 teams then that massively increases the number of teams. There were probably also rules on what made up a 'team' e.g. 9 max.

Curta · 01/10/2022 18:33

CoffeeHousePot · 01/10/2022 18:30

@Curta theres 9 on the A and B teams. Depending on other teams size they play 7/8/9 a side and they swap kids in.

Ahh, so 18 children went along and they picked 7 at a time for the matches. Seems like they easily could have taken them all and picked from the whole cohort.

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