To think school shouldn’t have left out 8 kids?

[CoffeeHousePot]

My DS goes to an independent primary school (all boys). He’s in Y 4. Rugby is a big thing at the school. My DS’s year is small 26 kids in 2 classes. They are split into three teams A, B and C based on ability. There are 8 kids in Team C. Ds is one of them. I’ve no issue with that.

Today on WhatsApp/Instagram are pictures of a rugby tournament run by the school (7 a side). They’ve invited other schools. Only Teams A and B were invited. So 8 children out of the year were not.

I just don’t think this is on. Given it was a weekend I imagine some children would not have been able to come, surely they could have rejigged the teams with a few subs on each team and everyone could have been invited? I just think they are 8/9 and to leave less then a 1/3 of the year out is mean. Fair enough if the year was bigger, but surely when you get to the point less then 1/2 kids won’t be invited you look to try and include everyone?

There’s plenty of time for the less sporty kids not to be selected why do it so early? My son is not as good as the most able kids, but it’s not the stage where it’s obvious. .

My DH however thinks it’s fine (he was good at rugby). You can’t be expected to be selected for everything. His view is if the kids aren’t good enough then they will be demoralised playing against more able kids.

So:

YABU - school should not have left out the C Team/should have rejigged to include everyone.
YANBU - it was fine. You can’t expect kids to be selected for everything/would be unfair to make C team players be subs for B team.

For gods sake, why not just eliminate all competitive sport and all categories and make every match that anyone ever has a draw in case anyone feels left out.

Get a grip, OP. From a parent whose DC is never in the first or second team but is being brought up with some resilience. Do you want to raise an entitled adult?

I’d be asking why the C team weren’t included before I got upset about it, particularly if the tournament was run by the school themselves. Maybe there weren’t enough other teams to allow C to play, maybe the standard of other teams was significantly better and C would struggle, maybe they didn’t have enough staff available to run 3 teams. But overall I do agree with your DH that it’s part and parcel of life (and sport).

That's just competitive sport I'm afraid.

They've left out 1/3 of the year - not 'a few kids'.

I'm with your DH on this.

There's plenty of time for your DS to improve and join the A or B team.

The whole point of sport is that it is competitive, if you’re going to a tournament you take your best team/players, not your 3rd, 4th or 5th team.

We played today, we won, if we’d sent our 3rd team we would have lost. We recently won an international competition, we wouldn’t have won if we’d sent the second team.

My son plays rugby (will be playing the same age range as your son), he knows that some people are better than others, he knows that better teams sometimes get played more as he knows league tables are important. Being able to lose or happily sit out is an important part of life.

My experience of tournaments is that there is usually a limit on the number of teams a school can enter and a limit on the number of players per team. It may well be that the school didn't actually have a choice about the numbers involved (well, unless they chose not to participate in the tournament at all).

Except that does happen.

My ds is crap at some sports he knows it.

He's crap at English and knows it.

He's a brilliant para swimmer (British champ) and amazing at maths, science and computers and has a great job with a start up company with a great career ahead of him in software development.

Recognising your weaknesses and being resilient to them and using your strengths to your advantage are great skills to learn.

It doesn't work to pretend to children they are brilliant at everything and will get to do everything. The longer in life you believe it the harder the fall is when the truth dawns on you.

You can develop a child's self worth without lying to them about their abilities.

I just wouldn't give this head space. Team sports don't matter, just help him not to worry about rugby. Team C are the lucky ones, don't have to waste a Saturday!

It's crappy but that's how it is :(

Whoever compared kids to Olympians upthread though 🤣 what an odd comparison

That's like comparing the school nativity to Lord of The Rings 😆

By 8/9 they kinda have to start getting used to things like this. They arent tiny children any more, they know not everyone is good at everything.

@SerenaTee I’m not upset. I was genuinely interested in peoples’s views. My DH usually have very similar views on schools and kids.

You (and various other posters) have all raised very good reasons on why they maybe could only have an A and B team, but none of that communicated.

That's sport. It's not always easy to have the whole spread of teams. I actually think it's a better lesson for life than always trying to accommodate everyone.

I think that is a downside of very small schools. Probably not all the DCs wanted to go anyway though. DS is the same age and hates rugby (he's absolutely football obsessed however).

I think what the school are doing is fine, it's not like they're 3-4 year olds.

What's the point in taking along the kids that definitely won't play, and if they did play would likely be injured or unable to play to the needed level? This is how all sports are. Your DH is right, and it's a realistic age to start learning this.

Maybe find a fun/non competitive activity for your DC?

Sorry but this happens all over. Dd was regularly one of a handful omitted, even in school time matches as their school had more pupils than the conpetition. I did complain when she was one of two excluded, was told it was an obvious mistake and my shy demotivated 9 yo should have approached the arrogant shouty staff member to speak up.

I remember auditioning for the school choir and I tried really hard. 5 out of 30 kids weren't selected. Whilst all the other kids were singing we had to do extra work. Choir practice was once or twice a week for a year. It was embarrassing and made me feel left out.

But actually it was a good experience, I'm sure resilient and being different bothers me less than most people. After all I'm an awful singer that were right

I can see both sides. Sport is competitive and it shouldnt be prizes for all but they should be encouraging a love of activity and sports.
In this tournament was the standard the same as A & B team so even matches? Or, was school trophy hunting to look good and would C team have had a good run out given the opportunity? I often found it was the former.
It also usually included kids belonging to clubs out of school.
My DC were in this position years ago at their indie schools.
I ended up in an engineered informal conversation with Head Teachers pointing out a schools results only were impressive when progress of the weakest improves. Therefore a DC going from C to B to A without additional coaching is an impressive school PE dept.
DS2 who was completely uncoordinated and couldn't catch if his life depended on it went from 'D' to 'A' reserve player in 2 years once at a school that coached all levels not just the 'chosen' few.

Put it this way OP, your DC will learn resilience

But the kids who are always chosen (not sometimes chosen - I mean chosen 100% of the time) will struggle with their lives if

1. they ever lost
2. they had an injury and could no longer play
3. making mistakes

Resilience is worth more to a child and a fully grown adult than being golden kid and picked ALL the time

I was picked all the time. One day I phaffed up my assignment at University and coped horribly. I was never taught how to deal with disappointment or tough tatties. Everything was easy for me.

I'm 36 now, I have MS and not being sporty is STILL a bitter pill to swallow as I was so talented. I'm literally a snowflakes and struggling with it!

Take the long view and relax xx

@Madamecastafiore rugby for 8 year old is non-contact, they're not 'going in for tackles'.

@CoffeeHousePot unfortunately I think you're BU; academic kids get a chance to shine in the classroom, sporty kids get a chance to shine in sports. Personally I think merit-based recognition is important.

OP this happened to me at school 40 years ago. I was in the C team for hockey. We had very few matches and I was actually crap and hated it.

The school magazine only had photos of the A and B teams.

As other have said that is just life. I don't think it has scarred me too much. I even went to a school reunion a few weeks ago!!

Its fine to leave kids out if they aren't any good/as good. I assume that is why your kid is in Team C. If you are that bothered get him into rugby clubs after school/weekends so he gets better. Its the same for maths tournaments, some kids get left out, others get private tutoring.

Good grief, stop making life so hard

YABU. This is just what happens. Your child will be selected for something else another time. Especially with rugby - and for year 4’s beginning contact - you don’t want good players who play club rugby coming up against the poorest players in the year. The school is probably protecting the children. Also - it can be difficult to find other schools nearby for fixtures with a similar number of similar ability children.

Private schools love all this competitive sport. You have signed up for a system which effectively sets the kids for rugby! I have no idea why you are so surprised.

Sounds typical of a independent school. I teach in one and see this happening all the time. It’s pretty soul destroying if you’re the one out and you don’t want to be.

Would you have given it this much thought if your DC was in A or B rather than C?