My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

AIBU?

Feeling hurt by best friend

59 replies

emevol · 01/10/2022 14:12

I'm well aware that it could be me being unreasonable, but I'm hoping for some guidance, please.

I have known my best friend for almost 13 years now. We have been inseparable for the entire time. We'd do everything together, seal all the time.. I've helped her through many awful things and she's been there through many of my harder times, too.

She moved house at the start of the year. I helped her move in, decorate.. I was actually the one who found the house for her, contacted the seller and got the ball rolling for her as she was in such a low place at the time.

Fast forward a few months she the next door neighbour (around our age) is being mentioned more and more. Absolutely fine I thought - it's great if you can get on with your neighbours! I'm happy for her.

Fast forward to now, and I have been almost completely dropped / forgotten about. I'm aware of how silly this sounds - but bare with me.

We no longer make plans, go out.. we barely ever talk unless I'm the one making the effort first. I feel like all I do is check up on her, make sure she's okay.. it all feels so incredibly one sided and I'm just feeling really hurt.

The neighbour is posting several images weekly of them both with varying captions including 'my best friend' etc etc. why am I feeling so hurt by this!! I'm a grown woman 😫 I am well aware that I give my whole heart to those I love with no reservations, but I'm not receiving the same back and it's upsetting. Sure it's fine to have other friends!!!!! It isn't even that. I just feel so hurt.

On my wedding day a month or so ago, my friend didn't get us a card, literally nothing. I paid a fortune for the dress, hair, makeup.. everything for her on the day and we didn't receive even a card in return.

I don't really know what I'm asking here. I just have that constant sick / hurt feeling and I hate it. Do I just call it quits?

OP posts:
emevol · 01/10/2022 14:12

Sorry it's long Blush

OP posts:
CuntyMcBollocks · 01/10/2022 14:15

I can see why you feel hurt. As sad as it is, friendships can be one-sided and can fizzle out. It does seem as though yours has run its course, but you could try to reach out to her and tell her how you feel. You've nothing to lose if she views your friendship as over anyway

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 01/10/2022 14:15

Sounds like she's a bit of a user. I think the wedding story itself would have me cooling things off. Doesn't need to be a big fallout, but in your situation I wouldn't be rushing to contact her, and would be looking to meet up with others.

Aggypanthus · 01/10/2022 14:18

It is all very hurtful but she has shown you clearly that she is incapable of having more than one friend at a time.
Give her a wide berth from now on.

bloodyunicorns · 01/10/2022 14:19

Ouch. It seems that she doesn't value your friendship as much as you do.

I'd have been angry and upset over the wedding thing. She's being thoughtless and inconsiderate - not a good friend!

Maybe she associates you with bad times - ie you helped her through a lot of bad times - and now she wants a friend who doesn't remind her of those times, a friend she can be a different person with?

I'd stop contacting her and focus on other people. Build up your friendship groups. Let her contact you.

emevol · 01/10/2022 14:19

I give myself whole heartedly and I think I've ruined my own chances here as a result. She was / is my one closest friend.. I don't have a tonne of friends so I feel at a complete loss as to what to do now. I don't have a large group of others to fall back on Sad

OP posts:
lobsterkiller · 01/10/2022 14:21

I'd be hurt too, I probably wouldn't raise with her but step back, I think you'll find your answer there. As others have said some times friendships run their course, doesn't mean to say its done for good. Hard not to feel hurt though.

emevol · 01/10/2022 14:23

I feel like I want to raise it with her. I don't feel ready to just let the friendship go.. but maybe she is happy to? I just want to know how she feels about it all first, I guess.

I don't even know what to say? No matter what I say I'm going to come across as controlling and jealous.

OP posts:
YellowTreeHouse · 01/10/2022 14:26

Do you ask her to go out and she says no?

It sounds like you’re projecting emotions, feelings and intentions into a friendship that aren’t really there, simple because you’re insecure and jealous.

Thatboymum · 01/10/2022 14:28

Some people just aren’t capable of having more than one friend , I have two best friends and one of them is incredibly possessive over me with the other. I treat both the same and always have made it clear that’s her problem not mine and I won’t tolerate it so she just gets on with it and doesn’t moan anymore but she won’t go out and make new friends she would rather sit and wait for me it’s madness

shipwreckedonhighseas · 01/10/2022 14:29

I would let it go and don't 'give yourself' with so few boundaries.

GucciPearls · 01/10/2022 14:32

It doesn’t matter, grown woman or not it’s hurtful. She’s totally forgotten about you and it’s heartbreaking. I hope you’re okay x

emevol · 01/10/2022 14:32

I think I find it strange having gone from seeing each other almost every day, she confided in me and I helped her trough some really tough times.. to just absolutely nothing. One word replies at best, never wanting to plan anything, keeping things from me, such as the fact she's actually out with the neighbour so can't come and do X,Y,Z.. I'd rather honesty. I just don't know what to do for the best, I don't have a large circle that I can spend time with instead. I'm going to have to start from scratch 😟

OP posts:
emevol · 01/10/2022 14:33

It takes her hours, sometimes days to respond to me. I asked her a few days ago if we are even still friends, she replied yes.. I just feel like I've got so much on my mind that I want to get out. I want to tell her now hurt I feel but there's no real way to do that without sounding crazily jealous, manipulative or insecure.

OP posts:
Thatboymum · 01/10/2022 14:35

Can I ask in the nicest way possible are you quite a negative Debbie downer to be around ? As I had a friend like this and I had to cut my ties with her for my own well being as she drained the life out of me. Not saying you are btw just giving my own experiences

emevol · 01/10/2022 14:37

I wouldn't say so! I've been there for her in a LOT of tough times where she's been down, negative and hard to be around but I stuck by her.

OP posts:
ICanHideButICantRun · 01/10/2022 14:37

I would be really hurt, too. I'm worried you'll humiliate yourself by asking her to go back to how things were when it seems clear she's moved on.

You've been such a good friend to her and you deserve a friend like yourself in return.

As for her new friend posting things about best friends - she sounds incredibly immature.

Thatboymum · 01/10/2022 14:42

It all sounds very one sided op and I honestly would cut your ties and surround yourself by supportive uplifting people, she seems to add no positivity to your life and you deserve better. I’m of the opinion no friends is better than a shit friend

InCheesusWeTrust · 01/10/2022 14:43

Are you maybe bit overbearing? I am really sorry but it does aound like that. I get it, I had to tone down myself with little gifts, buying drinks etc...

oopsfellover · 01/10/2022 14:44

I’d be hurt/confused by this too. It sounds as if you need to adjust your expectations of the friendship, at least for now (maybe she’s not your ‘best friend’, maybe you’re not inseparable etc) but maybe give things a chance to change rather than declaring it ‘quits.’ Has she got form for putting herself first and not treating you very considerately, or is this a new side of her character to you?

bloodyunicorns · 01/10/2022 14:45

Never put all your friends eggs in one basket!!

You need to make some more.

LittlePet · 01/10/2022 14:47

I'm not surprised you are hurt OP.

Your relationship with her sounds very intense - so that is a big contrast. Friendship-wise it sounds like all your eggs were in the one basket to compound issues.

I would definitely step back completely and view her as a friendly acquaintance/past friend now. She isn't being a friend to you now and I hope that isn't good enough for you - don't hang around for what scraps she is prepared to throw. It will take time, but focus on adding some other things and people into your life.

emevol · 01/10/2022 14:47

This is a whole new side to her that I've honestly not ever seen before. She texts or calls and I'm there in an instant, if she needs me. I feel like I'm getting nothing like that in return.

On my hen night, the new friend (neighbour) called my friend to say she needed help / collecting from a night out and my friend left
My hen party early do so. I just feel so hurt.

OP posts:
emevol · 01/10/2022 14:51

I've waited in all day for her today as she said she was busy until early this afternoon and then we would go for coffee. Not heard a thing so far but seen a Facebook post tagging her, from neighbour.. 'drinks with my bestie'

Why am I feeling so hurt! I honestly feel like a 10 year old having playground friendship issues 😟🥹

OP posts:
eish · 01/10/2022 14:56

I can understand why you feel hurt. She's treating you like shite to be honest and I think you deserve better.

I do think it sounds like you're friendship was a bit much though, all a bit intense and now she's moved on to something equally as intense. I think you need to look at having some more balanced friendships that are less obsessive, you'll find them a bit healthier and you'll be less used.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.