Feeling hurt by best friend

[emevol]

I'm well aware that it could be me being unreasonable, but I'm hoping for some guidance, please.

I have known my best friend for almost 13 years now. We have been inseparable for the entire time. We'd do everything together, seal all the time.. I've helped her through many awful things and she's been there through many of my harder times, too.

She moved house at the start of the year. I helped her move in, decorate.. I was actually the one who found the house for her, contacted the seller and got the ball rolling for her as she was in such a low place at the time.

Fast forward a few months she the next door neighbour (around our age) is being mentioned more and more. Absolutely fine I thought - it's great if you can get on with your neighbours! I'm happy for her.

Fast forward to now, and I have been almost completely dropped / forgotten about. I'm aware of how silly this sounds - but bare with me.

We no longer make plans, go out.. we barely ever talk unless I'm the one making the effort first. I feel like all I do is check up on her, make sure she's okay.. it all feels so incredibly one sided and I'm just feeling really hurt.

The neighbour is posting several images weekly of them both with varying captions including 'my best friend' etc etc. why am I feeling so hurt by this!! I'm a grown woman 😫 I am well aware that I give my whole heart to those I love with no reservations, but I'm not receiving the same back and it's upsetting. Sure it's fine to have other friends!!!!! It isn't even that. I just feel so hurt.

On my wedding day a month or so ago, my friend didn't get us a card, literally nothing. I paid a fortune for the dress, hair, makeup.. everything for her on the day and we didn't receive even a card in return.

I don't really know what I'm asking here. I just have that constant sick / hurt feeling and I hate it. Do I just call it quits?

Im in a similar boat now. Time to call it quits and get out there and make new friends. Get used to your own hobbies and ventures in the meantime.

This ^^. Most adults are capable of having more then one close friend and treating them all well. She clearly isn’t mature enough so just leave it and make new friends.

Actions speak louder than words, OP. Her actions are telling you she's not as bothered about the friendship as she used to be, probably because she's enjoying her new friendship so much.

If I were you, I'd give her space and back off. She knows where you are.

If you lay all of your hurt out to her and nothing changes you will be left feeling much worse.

Personally, I'd find the wedding issue really difficult to get over. She sounds like a bit of a user.

Your post brought back so many memories - of a long time ago - exactly the same thing happened to me. My best friend in the entire world suddenly became the best friend and confidante of her next door neighbour and vice versa .. that's all I heard for months (no SM then) what they chatted about, where they were going, it was never ending. I felt unbearably binned and sad and unfortunately it was pretty much the end of our friendship, although we randomly saw each other it was pretty much the end of our loving relationship. To this day I regret it but it happened and nothing I could do about it. I feel for you.

Op dont bother telling her how you feel. I was in the same boat as you, exactly what you described. Told her im feeling hurt as she hardly replies back and i keep checking on her. I asked is the friendship over and she replied you decide. I got my answer then. She didnt care anymore. I realised

What I will say OP after having been through an ugly and devastating BFF break up recently, is that you may wish to explore joining social networks locally.

I recently joined the WI which I thought would be full of much older ladies and I wouldn't fit in but I did meet some nice people had a great time and it's the kind of thing you can pop in and out of and not be so dependent on a bestie to not let you down at the last minute. If that kind of thing is not for you there may be other groups based around a hobby or interest.

I'm wary now of getting too close/attached to friends, I had the rug pulled from me from someone I knew 20 years and thought would always be there. I've now realised we can never make that assumption about anyone.

Do you drink (a lot) OP? From what you've shared so far, it seems that drinking and posting pics of drinking is the basis on the new friendship. Maybe your friend thinks the neighbour is so much 'cooler', they get pissed and have a laugh whereas you want to sit, talk and have a coffee. Your friend has to be real when she hangs with you whereas when she's with her neighbour it's all party, party.

I would take a major step back. Inevitably, this new friendship will break especially if it's centred around drinking.

I'd be hurt too. Did she move far away?

I have a bf from nursery (literally 35 years). I moved away for 15 years but we always kept in touch, spoke a lot, had weekends away and were each other's bridesmaids. But she also had friends here that she lived near, seen regularly with the kids, had nights out etc and I accepted that- it was just the way it was. I did move back and now live near and see each other a lot.

I really understand how you feel, but maybe because you are now a married friend, maybe she thinks you won’t have so much time for her. I would just make arrangements to see her once every few weeks for lunch and let her get on with her new best friend.