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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to message my exes wife over This or is it harassment ?

93 replies

inthedarkx · 30/09/2022 20:33

So my 16 year old has just text me at her dads and wife house that her son ( not my exes) has gone to his mum ( my 16 year old overheard) that he said to his mum G ( my son) has diseased fingers. And his mum didn't do anything!! My daughter said she feels like crying that my son is being insulted in that way. And his mum doesn't seem bothered. To me it seems like this kid has overheard my ex and his wife slagging off my parenting in front of her son ( they always comment how bad parent I am) and the son is now picking up on it and laughing with his mum that my child has 'diseased fingers'
This kid we are talking about is around 9/10 not sure exact age. If I tell my ex he will just ignore it and if my daughter tells him he will ignore it, so I want to message the mum as I'm sad my son has been spoke About to her in this manner and didn't even punish her son for bullying! My daughter feels like crying after hearing that!!

OP posts:
LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 30/09/2022 23:54

This reply has been deleted

Not in the spirit

Original poster
inthedarkx · 01/10/2022 12:27

@LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet why should my son go to see his dad to then be bullied by that kid of hers. My ex has now has its coz the boy is jealous of my son. No excuse to bully my son, what if he goes further and physically harms my son? Would that be ok because they are kids

OP posts:
Original poster
inthedarkx · 01/10/2022 12:27

*has said

OP posts:
LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 01/10/2022 12:32

@inthedarkx saying something fairly mundane and not to his face isn’t ‘bullying’. I know no one wants to think of their kids as anything but angelic but I’m pretty sure your son will give back now and again like absolutely every child does to sibling/step sibling. It’s a non-issue IMO, just how siblings talk to each other. I’d be more concerned as to why you have such an over sensitive teenage girl.

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 01/10/2022 12:33

Also @MNHQ it’s ridiculous that my post got taken down - all I said was thin skinned children should be enabled by dramatic parents

scrufffy · 01/10/2022 12:33

inthedarkx · 01/10/2022 12:27

@LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet why should my son go to see his dad to then be bullied by that kid of hers. My ex has now has its coz the boy is jealous of my son. No excuse to bully my son, what if he goes further and physically harms my son? Would that be ok because they are kids

But he hasn't laid a hand on your son.

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 01/10/2022 12:48

Honestly OP, you sound like a bunch of drama llamas - panicking about him hitting your son when that’s never happened. This isn’t a healthy way to be!

Original poster
inthedarkx · 01/10/2022 12:49

@LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet ok that's fine it's your opinion but I've already said this isn't the first incident

OP posts:
EmeraldShamrock1 · 02/10/2022 23:56

@scrufffy But he hasn't laid a hand on your son.
Surely you know that you don't need to physically hurt someone to bully them.
I can't believe that some pp's are making excuses.

Are they home OP? Is there a court order in place for visitation? If I'd stop the overnight stays, your ex can make the effort to see HIS biological children outside of his home.

He doesn't sound like he'd fight for overnight stays, let him bring you to court.

There has some low shitty replies to your thread.

Hankunamatata · 03/10/2022 00:03

So the 9 yr old told his mum that your 6 yr old had diseased fingers - didnt say it to the 6 year old. Tbh if I was the mum I would have looked at him and rolled my eyes and ignored the stupid comment. Yoir 16 yr old needs to stop stirring

Hankunamatata · 03/10/2022 00:05

My 11 year old came and told me his little brother was a giant poo the other day. I rolled my eyes and ignored.

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 03/10/2022 06:57

Hankunamatata · 03/10/2022 00:03

So the 9 yr old told his mum that your 6 yr old had diseased fingers - didnt say it to the 6 year old. Tbh if I was the mum I would have looked at him and rolled my eyes and ignored the stupid comment. Yoir 16 yr old needs to stop stirring

Exactly this.
if I say and despaired over bullying and had profound talks every time one of my (similarly aged) kids made a silly comment about the other I’d never get anything done

TabithaTittlemouse · 03/10/2022 07:13

If you think they are being treated so badly then why are you allowing them to go?

MayThe4th · 03/10/2022 07:28

While it’s entirely possible the 9 year old is saying thigs about the 6 year old, your 16 year old sounds like a stirrer. I’d hazard a guess she doesn’t like her stepmom much and so is stirring the pot to make it seem as if your ds is being bullied.

All this commenting sounds like kids stuff. Siblings are horrible to each other, and if parents got involved every time a silly comment was made then nothing would ever get done.

Best to just ignore it and tell your daughter to stop crying over silly comments and to stop shit stirring.

LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 03/10/2022 07:30

Hankunamatata · 03/10/2022 00:05

My 11 year old came and told me his little brother was a giant poo the other day. I rolled my eyes and ignored.

WHAT?! You mean you didn’t refer yourself to social services, sit down and have family therapy and then make your 11yo write an essay about sticks and stones may hurt my bones? What kind of mother are you?!

x2boys · 03/10/2022 07:47

Kids say stupid things all the time i think you are trying to find reasons to not send your .kids to their dads .

maddy68 · 03/10/2022 07:56

Kids will be unkind. Stay out of it.

DangerNoodles · 03/10/2022 09:20

My nearly 9 year old said something similar to me the other day as my 5 year old has chapped lips thinking it was an illness. Kids don't always have the best way with words and your son didn't hear it. There have also been times where they have said unkind things to each other, siblings do, it doesn't mean it's going to escalate.

Have a calm word with your ex about it but don't start sending messeges to his wife, it will only lead to drama. Also have a chat with your DD, it does sound like she is trying to stir up trouble, it's extreme for a 16 year old to have that kind of reaction to a 9 year old's childish comments.

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