To want to message my exes wife over This or is it harassment ?

[inthedarkx]

So my 16 year old has just text me at her dads and wife house that her son ( not my exes) has gone to his mum ( my 16 year old overheard) that he said to his mum G ( my son) has diseased fingers. And his mum didn't do anything!! My daughter said she feels like crying that my son is being insulted in that way. And his mum doesn't seem bothered. To me it seems like this kid has overheard my ex and his wife slagging off my parenting in front of her son ( they always comment how bad parent I am) and the son is now picking up on it and laughing with his mum that my child has 'diseased fingers'
This kid we are talking about is around 9/10 not sure exact age. If I tell my ex he will just ignore it and if my daughter tells him he will ignore it, so I want to message the mum as I'm sad my son has been spoke About to her in this manner and didn't even punish her son for bullying! My daughter feels like crying after hearing that!!

Go get them.
They don't need to be there if they don't want to be.

This is a bit hard to follow but am I right that your DD16 is crying over a comment made by her 9 year old step brother?

Unkind comments from her kids to yours should be being dealt with by your kids stepmum but bullying is a strong word!

All sounds a bit drama llama.

@Cosycover thats not great advice re. the younger child - there could easily be a court order in place regarding custody where he does actually have to be there!

Oops sorry I missed the toddler post.

This thread is going to get crazy I'd bail OP.

Try get some sleep tonight and get the children tomorrow.

Yeah I have read the full thread.

I think OP probably needs to sit down and chat with her ex.

Is her son implying your son's fingernails are dirty?

So your daughter has overheard a 9 year old telling his mum something about her brother having diseased fingers.

You think that means that your ex and his wife must be slagging off your son.

Your 16 year old is crying on account of this. (really?)
And you are accusing the 9 year old of bullying on account of a private conversation he had with his parent.

It all sounds like a lot of supposition and overthinking.

What does your son actually say?

It seems odd that such a silly comment would make a 16-yr-old cry and call their mum.
It feels as though every post adds on another DC. So there's a 16-yr-old, a 9-yr-old, a 6-yr-old, a 13-yr-old and a toddler. And despite the fact you have a toddler with your ex, he has already moved in with someone else and is trying to blend families? I'd focus on the big issues and trying to make your 16-yr-old feel more secure.

I had a dad like that, ran my mother down to the ground, saying our clothes were trampy ect, our clothes were trampy because he never gave my mum money to dress us nice. We relied on second hand clothes but that went over his head.
Those things hurt us, it might be petty but someone slagging off the main caregiver hurts our feelings when we are children, so I do get why it's upset your daughter, she's in a situation where she has no choice but to have her young brother slaggrd off and nobody sticking up for them.
Tell him if he doesn't want your kids in stained clothes then maybe he should buy him new ones.

Sending your children into this toxic environment is not good for them. I would revise visitation rights.

Your kids welfare comes first.

Good luck OP, you've lost nothing in getting rid of your ex. He sounds like a piece of sh1t.

The trouble with advice from people who aren’t in divorce situations is that you’ve genuinely got no idea how awful it is to have to put your precious children into the hands of some dick head that your ex who is probably a dick head himself has manage to couple up with. They very rarely have your children’s best interests at heart they quite regularly wish your children would disappear in a puff of smoke and stop ruining their happy family and normal family banter if we can pretend that’s what this is feels like a dagger through your heart.

It's awful thinking about the 6 y.o feeling sad and been treated as he is less and dirty too.

I'd read my DS the riot act if he treated any child in that way, I'm probably more sensitive as I was a bit of an unkempt child, a very much loved but scraggy child.

You need to speak calmly to your exh. Tell him he needs to be firmer with his new wife as its not acceptable. Tell him the courts will look dimly on his inability to protect his children at home.

Btw does your son have a medical condition or is the 9yr old just being silly/bully? Oh..and tell your exh that if he doesnt approve of the toddlers clothes he can buy more, toddlers are renowned for being messy.

There comes a time kids give up on 1 parent, I had no problem cutting my father out my life, not seen him in 3p years and if he died it wouldn't particularly bother me as what you never had you never really miss. Toxic parents do more damage to their kids than say a bully at school. If and when the time comes and it will more likely with you daughter they'll say nope not visiting him anymore he treats me like crap then you have to stand by that decision. I'll never understand men who chose other people kids over their own flesh and blood in situations like this, what man allows his own children to be bullied off of a new wife and her family?

OP, what a horrible situation and I can’t believe some of the replies on here!

Do you have an amicable co-parenting relationship with ex which of course would mean he was open to this for discussion.

It is completely reasonable to expect that your DC are welcomed and cared for whilst visiting their father.

for what it’s worth a close friend’s ex has recently moved out from the blended family that he was really keen to impress upon friends children - she knew it wasn’t right and kept raising it with him and eventually he’s seen how the horribleness has affected his relationship with the children.

Im not saying this will happen in your case but as above you are completely right that your children are cared for, welcomed and part of the family when they are with your ex.

Don't let them go then, that's emotional abuse. But pafetic the adults are ganging up on them along with the son.

Why are your kids still going there if they're bullied and your ex husband is too much of a cunt to stop it. X

I think that you need to speak to her, yes but don't message her

I would raise it when you collect the kids, and tell her this.

This does need to stop

and there is that

But I would talk to her first. and him... both of them

Id defo let them know that my son had heard and I knew about what standards they were allowing in their home.

It doesn't need to be raised with step mom, it needs to be raised with dad

have you maybe been drinking op? Child free it’s understandable but it does make your post hard to understand..

Sounds like a silly kid saying silly things to me. My kids used to say daft stuff to each other all the time

You need to contact your ex and tell him his son and daughter are being upset by his wife's son. Tell him that you expect him to speak to his wife and get her to manage her son so your 6 year old isn't bullied. This is assuming you trust your daughter to have given an accurate reflection of the situation and not to have exaggerated a bit of childish silliness.

Well this all sounds shit for the kids.

FFS OP get a grip and tell your 16yo to get a grip - fancy crying over this at that age! Daft stuff like this is exactly what my 5yo and 9yo say about each other. It’s what siblings do. What did you expect your ex’s DW to do - get the cat o’nine tails out on him?