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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder what is happening in my DS school?

88 replies

Mrssalvatore123 · 30/09/2022 20:13

I have a 5 year old son. He was born at the end of August so even though he has just turned 5 he is in year 1. Lots of his class mates are turning 6 so he is the youngest by nearly a year to a lot of them.

School keep asking us in for meetings as they suspect he has ADHD. The reasons given are that in school he is easily distracted, quite tactile with staff and fidgets a lot. He is apparently behind the rest of the class with his phonics. Apparently he struggles to build relationships with adults and other children

At home there is no evidence of this. He pays attention in his extra curricular activities, he is mostly well behaved, he can write short sentences and reads his school books at home well. He loves doing “homework” tasks and telling us what he has learnt at school. He has a group of 5 or 6 good school friends and is regularly invited on play dates which he behaves well at.

School say his behaviour is good but he has all the signs of ADHD and we must get him assessed.

After the school first had us attend a meeting we were worried and took him to the doctor who said they could see no signs of ADHD. He was just young in the school year and nothing to worry about! They also said the school have a route to follow for assessment and this is not the way.

We had a call last week and had to attend another meeting with the teacher today. They stressed we must push harder with the doctor to start assessment for ADHD. We asked for examples and were told again that he needs extra encouragement to pay attention and that he fidget in class and is behind in phonics.

He has just turned 5.

I don’t want to be the parent who dismisses things but I’m at a loss. Do I keep pushing for an assessment? If he had ADHD would we see signs at home or in his other activities? My gut is that he is just little and if he had been born 2 weeks later he would be in reception.

AIBU to think the school could be wrong here?

OP posts:
Hankunamatata · 30/09/2022 20:15

Is he very academically behind?

Ginflinger · 30/09/2022 20:18

Sorry that this is happening. I'd look into the evidence base around summerborn children and ADHD-type diagnoses. There is a strong correlation, if I remember rightly, and it's about these children being youngest in year. I think there's a group on Facebook that might have more evidence. Sorry not to be more useful.

makinganavalon · 30/09/2022 20:22

I've just listened to a really interesting podcast about how huge the gap between the youngest in a year and the oldest in a year can be especially as they are younger.
It must be really hard for your little one.
I was the youngest in my year born at the end of August and this was always taken into account at my primary school- me and those others born in June, July and August were given special attention& accomodation because of our age- i.e not expected to write at the same point as they older ones.
Baffles me that this is not done in all schools? It's so obvious the difference between a five and six year old is huge!!
I would push the school to be helping him (and the others his age) more and giving them a break because they are so little.

sheerjewl · 30/09/2022 20:24

We had similar issues with our son and a school he went to last year. We went private and got a psychologist and had an in school observation.
Basically the school just didn't know how to deal with children who were not as emotionally mature as their peers. They also said 5 is too young to look at a diagnosis.

We have since moved school where they are far more understanding, make the effort to see his triggers and understand not all 5 year olds are going to sit still at the moment.

I feel for you OP as it was a very stressful time feeling that school was pushing it all back on us

Original poster
Mrssalvatore123 · 30/09/2022 20:26

Thanks ginflinger the doctor did say every year they get lots of this and it’s always the July and august born kids. I will have a look for the group.

hankun I don’t think so. I think lots of his class are reading phase 3 books and he is just finishing phase 2 so a bit behind there perhaps but he writes and spells beautifully (better than my 8 year old)

OP posts:
Porcupineintherough · 30/09/2022 20:28

I dunno, kids birthdays are spread evenly throughout the year. So your ds is not the only summer born child at school and certainly not the first these teachers have ever seen. And they are telling you very clearly that there is an issue.

Not sure I'd jump to adhd but I wouldn't ignore and I'd start with a hearing and possibly an eyesight test.

Uncertain111 · 30/09/2022 20:30

My son was like this. Also young in year. Caught up eventually though. ADHD crossed my mind but not sure a diagnosis would’ve been beneficial for him? What would that have achieved? I’d have never medicated him.

In fact he more than caught up. Still easily distracted and more engaged in stuff he is actually interested in. But straight A student at secondary 🤷‍♀️

NeverDropYourMooncup · 30/09/2022 20:30

At home with you, there isn't the same level of constant distraction that there is in school, so if he does have ADHD, they would be far more likely to see it than you would - and you've had his entire life to adapt to him, whereas they're dealing with 29 other children with a good idea of what is out of the ordinary even for the very youngest in the cohort.

It's good that they're alert to the possibility, rather than writing any possible signs off as 'oh, he's just young' and storing up trouble for him as he gets seen as old enough to conform to expectations.

VariationsonaTheme · 30/09/2022 20:34

Diagnostically the signs of adhd have to be present in more than one setting so school can forget that. Also, they don’t need an assessment of adhd to make appropriate provision for him. If he were just a few days younger he would be starting reception and they probably wouldn’t have any concerns about him.

SparrowsNest · 30/09/2022 20:37

I wonder why the school are pushing so hard for an ADHD assessment. Surely their focus should be on any needs they have identified needs and how they can support him.

Barbie222 · 30/09/2022 20:38

The beginning of Year 1, expectations are that the children are ready to begin Phase 5 phonics, so I think still being on single letter sounds is a bit of a red flag. There's not much wriggle room for schools there as that's a fair way back from age related expectations. I think they're being fair enough in alerting you to that and wanting to explore why he's behind because the reading really needs to be nailed in year 1 to avoid an unmanageable gap later.

Original poster
Mrssalvatore123 · 30/09/2022 20:43

It is very stressful as the school I believe don’t think we are pushing hard enough for assessment.

The doctor says there is nothing to assess and if school are concerned they should follow the proper route.

I know his behaviour could be totally different in school. I think if they could give some specific examples that would be helpful. They say he gets distracted but when asked to concentrate he does.

I certainly don’t want to dismiss anything, I want him to have access to everything he needs. Like uncertain says above I would not medicate at this stage if diagnosed as his behaviour doesn’t warrant it.

it is a big class, and I take the point that the teachers know more than me. Most of his friends are autumn born. There is a little girl who is August born and her mum is having the same as me, meetings to have a ADHD assessment.

OP posts:
IsleofDen · 30/09/2022 20:45

If the school feel he should be assessed, the SENCO has a process of referral (at least in England). Tell them that if they feel that strongly then refer him and you will sign the paperwork.

SEN provision is done on “need” not diagnosis, so if they feel he needs extra help, they should be providing that and applying for an EHCP if necessary. Ask them why they haven’t.

Basically just bat it back to them.

whatatanker · 30/09/2022 20:48

makinganavalon · 30/09/2022 20:22

I've just listened to a really interesting podcast about how huge the gap between the youngest in a year and the oldest in a year can be especially as they are younger.
It must be really hard for your little one.
I was the youngest in my year born at the end of August and this was always taken into account at my primary school- me and those others born in June, July and August were given special attention& accomodation because of our age- i.e not expected to write at the same point as they older ones.
Baffles me that this is not done in all schools? It's so obvious the difference between a five and six year old is huge!!
I would push the school to be helping him (and the others his age) more and giving them a break because they are so little.

Would you mind sharing the podcast, please?

I have a very similar issue with my boy who is in reception.

Original poster
Mrssalvatore123 · 30/09/2022 20:51

barbie thank you. If he should be on phase 5 then I agree he is behind. I think my son was on phase 5 in year 2 and no concerns were ever raised so I didn’t realise. I would happily support him more on reading if I knew how. As it is we read his school book every night and then read for fun on top, I am very open to suggestions to help him.

OP posts:
autienotnaughty · 30/09/2022 20:52

IsleofDen · 30/09/2022 20:45

If the school feel he should be assessed, the SENCO has a process of referral (at least in England). Tell them that if they feel that strongly then refer him and you will sign the paperwork.

SEN provision is done on “need” not diagnosis, so if they feel he needs extra help, they should be providing that and applying for an EHCP if necessary. Ask them why they haven’t.

Basically just bat it back to them.

This exactly

Original poster
Mrssalvatore123 · 30/09/2022 20:52

isle the school said there is no need to involve senco at this stage. I have to push the doctor. It’s very confusing

OP posts:
Verbena87 · 30/09/2022 20:53

SparrowsNest · 30/09/2022 20:37

I wonder why the school are pushing so hard for an ADHD assessment. Surely their focus should be on any needs they have identified needs and how they can support him.

I wonder if it’s funding related? In that they may get more funding for pupils with a diagnosed SEN/D ? School budgets are in a terrible state, totally inadequate to meet the heating bills never mind resources etc. Hate to be cynical but I do wonder if this is a factor.

My 5 year old was born early September, has just started reception and is yet to learn to read. Nobody has flagged any concerns whatsoever. I’m inclined to think the problem is with the system, not your son.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 30/09/2022 20:59

Verbena87 · 30/09/2022 20:53

I wonder if it’s funding related? In that they may get more funding for pupils with a diagnosed SEN/D ? School budgets are in a terrible state, totally inadequate to meet the heating bills never mind resources etc. Hate to be cynical but I do wonder if this is a factor.

My 5 year old was born early September, has just started reception and is yet to learn to read. Nobody has flagged any concerns whatsoever. I’m inclined to think the problem is with the system, not your son.

Show quote history

Only in as much as getting it looked at now means that it's less likely to find out later that there are severe problems but there's no provision/sufficient funding to be able to help at an undefined point in the future like just after the bills for winter hit and the council shut down everything

Original poster
Mrssalvatore123 · 30/09/2022 21:00

verbena my friends son was born 3 weeks after mine. He has just started reception and cannot read or write yet but is loving school and doing great and seems on a par with his classmates.

My son seems much more emotionally mature at this stage but we both assume that’s because mine has completed a full school year already.

My son really struggled when he started as he was just 4. I really wish I had differed his start 😟

OP posts:
IsleofDen · 30/09/2022 21:01

That’s not right. If there is no need for SENCO involvement, then there is no justification for assessment.

In this case I’d call the school and ask to speak to the SENCO directly, because telling you to seek medical advice without speaking to the SENCO first is weird.

My son struggled from reception and my first meeting (2 weeks in) included the SENCO, that’s what they are there for.

Johnnysgirl · 30/09/2022 21:01

How does the "quite tactile with the staff" present?

Lindy2 · 30/09/2022 21:02

Are you in England? If so usually the school make a joint referral with you to CAMHs for assessment.

It's a long process - ie 18 months to 2 years to get through all the various steps for diagnosis.

I don't think a just turned 5 year old without a significant number of obvious potential ADHD behaviours at school and at home will even make it onto the initial waiting list.

Generally both you and school have to have significant concerns and the child needs to be in the region of 2 years behind academically before CAMHs are in any way interested.

Hus behaviour soubds perfectly normal for a 5 year old.

My DD is diagnosed ADHD. At 5 she couldn't stay in her school seat for more than a minute or 2, was totally disengaged with reading, refused to write because it was too hard and had numerous social difficulties. She also had no concept of danger. Your little boy sounds nothing like that.

CrookCrane · 30/09/2022 21:03

IsleofDen · 30/09/2022 21:01

That’s not right. If there is no need for SENCO involvement, then there is no justification for assessment.

In this case I’d call the school and ask to speak to the SENCO directly, because telling you to seek medical advice without speaking to the SENCO first is weird.

My son struggled from reception and my first meeting (2 weeks in) included the SENCO, that’s what they are there for.

I very much agree with this. They seem to be going about it in a very strange way OP.
To be diagnosed with ADHD they need to have evidence that the child displays the symptoms in more than 1 setting, so generally that means home and school.

Katapolts · 30/09/2022 21:05

Bat it back to the school.

Tell them you've been to the GP, and as there are no signs of ADHD outside of school then the GP isn't concerned at the moment and won't make a referral.

Ask them what they are doing to meet his needs at the moment. Do they feel he needs extra help in school? Have they arranged for an ed psych to come and see him if they are struggling to meet his needs?