To wonder what is happening in my DS school?

[Mrssalvatore123]

I have a 5 year old son. He was born at the end of August so even though he has just turned 5 he is in year 1. Lots of his class mates are turning 6 so he is the youngest by nearly a year to a lot of them.

School keep asking us in for meetings as they suspect he has ADHD. The reasons given are that in school he is easily distracted, quite tactile with staff and fidgets a lot. He is apparently behind the rest of the class with his phonics. Apparently he struggles to build relationships with adults and other children

At home there is no evidence of this. He pays attention in his extra curricular activities, he is mostly well behaved, he can write short sentences and reads his school books at home well. He loves doing “homework” tasks and telling us what he has learnt at school. He has a group of 5 or 6 good school friends and is regularly invited on play dates which he behaves well at.

School say his behaviour is good but he has all the signs of ADHD and we must get him assessed.

After the school first had us attend a meeting we were worried and took him to the doctor who said they could see no signs of ADHD. He was just young in the school year and nothing to worry about! They also said the school have a route to follow for assessment and this is not the way.

We had a call last week and had to attend another meeting with the teacher today. They stressed we must push harder with the doctor to start assessment for ADHD. We asked for examples and were told again that he needs extra encouragement to pay attention and that he fidget in class and is behind in phonics.

He has just turned 5.

I don’t want to be the parent who dismisses things but I’m at a loss. Do I keep pushing for an assessment? If he had ADHD would we see signs at home or in his other activities? My gut is that he is just little and if he had been born 2 weeks later he would be in reception.

AIBU to think the school could be wrong here?

What a bloody cheek!

I'm an ex primary teacher and my personal opinion is that things like ADHD are massively over 'diagnosed', making those who really need extra help and support unlikely to get it.

Say you disagree with their 'diagnosis' for the time being and forget about it.

Your lb sounds like he's doing well.

I'm so confused reading this post as it's different in Ireland. Can I ask what's reception and year 1 etc. What age do children start school at and in what month of the year do they start?

In Ireland we start in September in what's called junior infants at age 5 or as close to 5 as possible. Phonics start then but they wouldn't be expected to be able to read until around 1st class when they are 7, is that the same in the UK?

Tell them NO, if they have concerns SENCO needs to be involved.

As @NeverDropYourMooncup said, at home there's not the same level of distraction.

I was diagnosed late in life (36). I was sadly missed at school as I was intelligent and my curiosity and hyperfocus meant I did well until all of the structure came away at college and uni.

I was seen as simply a very chatty and curious child.

My parents didn't click that putting me into gymnastics as I was literally climbing the walls - well doorframes - was a flag. I was just "active" like children should be. And just very chatty.

I loved reading and writing. I also loved and excelled at writing.

But my reports mentioned sometimes struggling to focus and distracting others by chatting. My school reports were full of that and forgetting books or pens.

I realised at college I was unusual as I could never do group study and the library was a big distraction.

At work I'd get into trouble for lack of organisation, etc. The office was one big distraction. But like at school, I'd get away with it due to intelligence. Until it all got too much...

Doctors have dismissed me with anxiety but it's caused my feeling shit at life.

I'm not saying your son doesn't have it but it doesn't always manifest itself as you think. And sometimes intelligence can mask it, especially in settings where there are less distractions.

I used to read all night as I was engrossed and couldn't put it down. I've since learned that was the first indication of my hyperfocus.

I think there's more awareness now so it's great that the school are flagging potential issues. I don't see how an untrained doctor is able to say with any certainty if he's just like a typical child.

It may be nothing and they're looking for a cop out but I'd take the opportunity to push for an assessment and see.

Believe me, I had so much potential and, despite now doing well in freelance copywriting after a failed legal career, I feel let down. The signs from my reports and work feedback were so obvious I'm surprised nobody mentioned it.

I hope your son doesn't have it. It could just be a summer-born thing.

If there’s no need for SENCO involvement and you see no evidence at home then ask the teacher on what basis they think there is any basis for pursuing anything.

I started school in the 70s when you started school the term you turned 5, so you were in a class with people the same age. I was born February and i remember there being an older class and a younger class who started later. We did all end up mixed by year 3, but at least the age difference was recognised and accommodated better in ks1. Sounds like it was still accommodated when you went to school too.
Dd2 was young in the year and the age difference seemed to be ignored.

Revisionist History
Outliers, Revisited

You don’t have to seek assessment or.a diagnosis for your son. This is completely up to you. If you have no concerns I would tell the teacher that you don’t wish for your son to be assessed yet, you want to give him more time to develop and mature. I am a school Senco and school should respect your decision.

Camhs don't assess adhd in children under the age of 6.
A previous op is also correct in that concerns need to be seen across two settings, so based on just seeing traits in school he wouldn't meet their criteria.

I'd be asking for school to discuss your son with the educational psychologist who can support school with strategies

I'm perplexed here, op. Your son is two weeks or so older than my daughter who has just gone into reception. She cannot read words apart from things like cat, mummy, and poo. Nor can she write much apart from her name, and she spends most of her time laughing hysterically while jumping on the sofa, and putting her pyjama bottoms on her head and running around like a hoodlum.

I thought she was doing okay. 🤷🏼‍♀️ To think, had she been born two weeks earlier, that she would be perceived as maybe having a problem, well, I find that really baffling. 😳

I think you should bearnin mind that your school has a lot more experience of normal 5 year old behaviour than either yourself or your gp

Well said @Torunette 👏 👌

@fUNNYfACE36

Having worked in schools as a teacher for fifteen years, I can tell you expertise and savvy is variable.

Ànd those that do have the above know to take on board a caring parent's opinion. Especially when they've only taught the child for half a term, and the child is just turned five. Ffs.

He could have ADHD or he may just be immature in comparison to his peers (understandable)

Honestly. It's probably just that he's young. But I would also bear in mind that teachers see lots of children your child's age. You only see your own child and their immediate friends (and birds of a feather flock together)

I teach a child whose parents are in complete denial about their child having additional needs. School have put the child on a learning programme and they still don't believe she's in need of support.

Can you move schools OP?

Personally I think you are doing great and sound a good mum. If it was ADHD it would show in other areas. It sounds like he's just young for the year and school don't know what they r doing.

Don't push for an assessment. What would it achieve?

I would start a child that young on adhd meds. Put him in the year below is he’s struggling .
adhd meds delay puberty and growth in boys. If he’s really struggling in a few years yes. But putting him back a year is surely better.

my daughter has inattentive adhd / we have not medicated her yet, but may well in the future.
we have several friends who have medicated adhd children. But not at age 5.

This is a thread where I'd really like to offer a nugget of hope.

Both of my children are now adults but I , until last year, worked with children with SEN , for around 20 years.

When my daughter was newly in sixth form ( at a Grammar School I might add , but we live in Kent where Grammar Schools are part of the system) she came home one day and announced that her form tutor remarked that more than three quarters of her form were summer born.

Just saying.

And , as I'd been a Sen HLTA for so many years, being summer born really doesn't make much difference above Year 2.

My son has ADHD and the pediatrician told us that they won't diagnose until at least 7, as until then a lot of children exhibit those traits (inattentiveness, hyperactivity etc). But by 7, most kids have grown out of it. There's no way a doctor would diagnose ADHD in a child who's just turned 5.

Stick to your guns - if the school believe there's a problem, then the senco should be involved, they should not be trying to pass the buck back to you to tell you to get him diagnosed. If there's no improvement in 2 years, by all means go down that route, but until then I would absolutely tell them no doctor will refer you at this age.

I think you sound sensible and well informed. Most places don’t want to assess before 6 anyway because it’s not unusual for there to be some attention and concentration limitations for children before then it’s developmentally appropriate. If there is no evidence of pervasive inattention, hyperactivity and impulsivity across contexts then it sounds premature. I have adhd and I have ensured my middle child is on the assessment pathway as to me it’s obvious she has adhd. I started pushing at 6 because I know it’s a lengthy process. I just watched and waited until she was older as I know what I’m looking at both personally and professionally. Summer born children are so little they should be playing. Is he at a school that pushes test results?

My son was seen by a speech therapist at age 3 because he was obviously mega bright but his speech wasn't always clear. They said its a boy thing.

He was diagnosed ASD 9 years later.

Sometimes early signs are there, sometimes it is just they need to catch up.

The school is being a bit aggressive imo - maybe because a diagnosis means more money for the school. Keep reading abd observing him, you will see ADHD behaviour if it's there.

Good luck.

This sounds really odd to me (eyfs teacher), as a PP has said they can't diagnose unless it's seen across settings. I would ask the school about their transition, they should still be having access to free flow, short carpet sessions etc. Did the early years team see anything ? Did he achieve any Early Learning Goals ?

Summer born children can lag up to university age, there are lots of studies about this, but in school they're often not recognised. As a senior leader it's now one of the things I insist teachers identify in our school, along with left handedness (so they sit them on the left hand side of paired desks for example). When DD was little her teacher told me she thought she was dyslexic as she was so behind compared to her brother, who was in the school year above but September born when she was late August. I had kept his books so showed her a comparison of their writing at the exactly equivalent chronological age and next thing she was diagnosed as gifted 😂

I agree with what others have said, if school are concerned then they need to get their school senco lead to do their own assessment in the classroom and go from there. If the senco lead agrees then they can make the referral, not the doctor! You will then be sent forms to fill in, as will the teacher and then a paediatrician appointment will be made.

Like some other posters, I work in SEN and it is true that traits need to be seen across two settings for a diagnosis to be made. I also agree that just turned 5 is way too young to be diagnosed as some of the behaviours can be developmentally appropriate. I think it is really poor practice if a school is trying to push a parent into pursuing a diagnosis and it goes against the SEN Code of Practice, which says that parental voice should be at the centre of provision. Yes, the school should be telling you if your child is struggling but they should be working WITH you to support him, not forcing their medicalised perspective onto you when you are clearly saying that you do not see these traits at home.

You might be interested to google 'the adhd map of America'. It is interesting because it implies that ADHD is currently overdiagnosed.

I was born on August 30th and have ADHD (I also suspect Aspergers/whatever the new name is for that now).
Being the youngest in the year was extremely difficult. Even though I was academically well in line with others (and in English, always way ahead of everyone else for some bizarre reason), I was however, socially very far behind.

My parents were given the option to keep me in year 6 for another year, rather than allow me to go to high school a few days after turning 11, however they chose not to.
Well, what a mistake that was! I cried through the entirety of year 7. I was not at all ready and was utterly bloody terrified.
It hugely affected my emotional well-being and personal growth at such an important time in a young person's development.

Whilst all the others were making connections with people they would likely have a bond with for life, I was sat crying, desperately wishing I could go back to the school I loved, understood & felt comfortable in and had learnt so much from.

I do see why my parents didn't keep me back a year though. As I said above, I wasn't behind academically so it would've been a year of repeating work I'd already done to a more than satisfactory level.
However, in that year of repeating work, I also would've grown & matured at a similar level to those around me, which would've instilled the confidence I would've needed to tackle year 7 head on, just like everyone else . My entire education would almost certainly have gone entirely more successfully (and as such quite possibly, my entire start in adult life), but oh well!

Anyway, I digress. I realise this is a few years on from your little one's stage. However I felt I'd share my perspective as a Neurodiverse summer born!

One thing is for certain, a school they feel happy & comfortable in, is quite literally fundamental.