To wonder what is happening in my DS school?

[Mrssalvatore123]

I have a 5 year old son. He was born at the end of August so even though he has just turned 5 he is in year 1. Lots of his class mates are turning 6 so he is the youngest by nearly a year to a lot of them.

School keep asking us in for meetings as they suspect he has ADHD. The reasons given are that in school he is easily distracted, quite tactile with staff and fidgets a lot. He is apparently behind the rest of the class with his phonics. Apparently he struggles to build relationships with adults and other children

At home there is no evidence of this. He pays attention in his extra curricular activities, he is mostly well behaved, he can write short sentences and reads his school books at home well. He loves doing “homework” tasks and telling us what he has learnt at school. He has a group of 5 or 6 good school friends and is regularly invited on play dates which he behaves well at.

School say his behaviour is good but he has all the signs of ADHD and we must get him assessed.

After the school first had us attend a meeting we were worried and took him to the doctor who said they could see no signs of ADHD. He was just young in the school year and nothing to worry about! They also said the school have a route to follow for assessment and this is not the way.

We had a call last week and had to attend another meeting with the teacher today. They stressed we must push harder with the doctor to start assessment for ADHD. We asked for examples and were told again that he needs extra encouragement to pay attention and that he fidget in class and is behind in phonics.

He has just turned 5.

I don’t want to be the parent who dismisses things but I’m at a loss. Do I keep pushing for an assessment? If he had ADHD would we see signs at home or in his other activities? My gut is that he is just little and if he had been born 2 weeks later he would be in reception.

AIBU to think the school could be wrong here?

Really, I'd ask the school to refer you and see where it goes.

It's normal for them to display different behaviour at home with 1-2-1 than in a classroom environment, with or without ADHD.

My experience is that they're reluctant to refer to summer boys because they assume they'll grow out of it.
I had a ds similar to your ds. I was told he'd grow out of it again and again. He was finally diagnosed aged 13yo, when I'd been querying since preschool. I wish I'd pushed harder.
By getting the diagnosis it means that methods of help have been opened up. But more importantly it means that he knows he isn't just a "naughty boy", but he does genuinely find things more difficult. It has made a huge difference to his self-esteem.

He is far more likely to not be diagnosed when he needs to be than the other way round.

When I requested ds was referred for ADHD, they initially assessed him and said they didn't think he had ADHD, but they did want to take ASD further. After they'd diagnosed ASD, they then decided to revisit ADHD and decided he did have that after all. For both they said he was borderline but just over the criteria.

The doctor will not be a specialist in either, so I would ask the school to refer rather than you going through the GP.

I remember my sons first parents night was horrible when he was only 4. His teacher said he was fidgety, had language issues, sensory issues, wasn't settled, not writing well enough (at 4!!). I was so upset after it. He was also one of the youngest in the year.

We were so worried because the head teacher wanted to talk to us about referring him for further checks. He got referred for speech and language intervention but he got on fine there and was meeting all criteria for his age. Referral after referral with a big delay eventually because of covid. Anyway, now he is 9, dismissed from speech and language, no concerns after his referral to the paediatrician and getting on well in school.

Obviously not every kid is the same but I definitely think younger kids can stand out, especially boys. I wish I had deferred him because I genuinely think he would have been fine if he had one more year to mature. A lot of worry over nothing for us.

my DD was the youngest in her year - I was called in to be told that she was "below average" academically and they wanted to give her extra coaching. She was very bright, but shy. The teacher was a surprised when I responded to the "below average" remark with "well someone has to be, that's how averages work". I declined the extra teaching and she gradually caught up with the rest of the year group as she matured.

She got excellent A levels, a 2:1 degree and is doing well in her career.

Teachers don't always get it right. I was a teacher and worked with some right idiots who were wedded to attainment charts and talked about getting their class to all get "above average" results. I taught maths, it gave me the rage.

My ds1 is a July birthday and in the early years of primary we were constantly told that he was immature compared to his classmates.

I remember asking one teacher if they expected a newborn baby to to the same things as a 10 month old, and if not, why such a big expectation that they will be on a par after only a few years.

If the school want your ds tested when you don't feel there is an issue then they need to arrange it, it's not like gps are overrun with issues that can't be dealt with by another agency.

Honestly I could weep. A school that assesses children by what are perceived to be deficits is something that belongs back in the 50s.

I would want to take him out. Your child is absolutely allowed to be exactly who he is and it is the school’s duty to meet him where he is at, not to burden him with ridiculous expectations.

Not the point OP, but I think we put children in formal schooling waaay too early.

Your boy is a good lad, he behaves at home, he concentrates, and he listens. He fidgets at school and is behind in his phonics at school. He's a whole year younger than some of his friends. I think he's just not ready for school. I hope in Y1 he just gets it and catches up. Try not to worry.

Sorry Y2 not Y1.

You do realise you can be both dyslexic and gifted?

@Mrssalvatore123 as pp have said bat it back to the school. The senco should be the first contact for this type of thing. I also have a summer born boy and for us it has always been the social aspect that has lagged behind and that is still noticeable.

Stand your ground, you do not need to push on your side. What they need to do is accommodate him and you don’t need a diagnosis for that. He is not going to be magically ‘solved’ outside of school. School need to come up with a plan - keep pushing for that. Whether it’s an official Senco EHCP or just ‘a sensible plan’.

I’d ask to meet with the school and outline what the problems are - and how THEY are going to cope. Help them by looking at what you think would help e.g. less epectation that he will sit still, more movement breaks, able to fidget if he wants (there are things to try like fidget toys and chairs that you can move around or rock in) - lots of chances to move around.

Kids who are youngest in year are diagnosed with learning difficulties at a much higher rate than their peers and this persists throughout school. I’d tell school to piss off, dr does not agree with their assessment at all. They have experience with kids but ARE NOT medical professionals. If you don’t feel like they are being supportive, I would consider moving schools.

Sorry, when you say school are pushing this, who has spoken to you? Is it just the teacher? Has the head of Early Years (if the school has one) or head teacher spoken to you? Because it is strange the SENDCO isnt involved. I would wonder how much is actually coming from the school and how much is just this teacher. I can understand to some extent. Expectations are set for the average child and the teacher is probably getting questioned and is under pressure to get all children to that level or above when it isn't reasonable especially for the summer horns. If school are telling the teacher that a diagnosis isn't appropriate yet I wonder if they are trying to get you to get one by the back door to get the leadership team off their back particularly if they aren't a confident teacher or are very new to it and not used to standing up to leadership.

Omg. The school is clearly wrong and spending time in the wrong area. Your little boy is a year younger than most of his classmates. In most (if not all) European countries 5 year olds are in nursery and not school. This country puts kids into education so early and our poor kids are simply not ready. I also have a late July boy. He’s in year 2. Someone said on this tread they should be reading stage 5 phonics in year 1. My son is doing this now in year 2. Because he simply wasn’t ready in year 1. The school have no concern with him. They say he’s very young, he’ll catch up when his brain is ready. Nothing to worry about. For reference I am European. I could not write my name when I was 5. I was at nursery. I started school at 6, and was doing 1+1 at that age. I have 2 degrees. I feel
sorry for our little kids who should be playing with toys and run around, rather than be stuck in a classroom forcing their little brains to do things they are simply not meant to be doing at this age. Please push the school back. They are making your life difficult for no reason. And enjoy your little boy. He sounds amazing.

He sounds like a typical 5 year old. He’s younger than my 5 year old who hasn’t even started school yet (we start school older here). There’s no way he’d be sitting through a grade one lesson. Is there no option for him to repeat reception? Otherwise can your Doctor write a letter pushing it back on the school.

My DS was born at the end of July and is also in year one. He is currently on the waiting list for ASD assessment, having done the first part where we fill in the forms with the SENCO and based on the evidence it was agreed he should proceed to the next phase of assessment. We could be waiting 2+ years though.
For what it is worth, he is reading stage 5 but lots of other children in his class are at stage 2/3/4 and some not even reading yet. His needs are different but they are not pushing those children who can’t read for an assessment.

I would just repeat to the school “If you believe there is SEN, I would like to speak to the SENCO. I have already spoken to the GP and cannot pursue this any further without the SENCO.” I’m not sure why they keep pushing it.

If your son were in an American school he would be just starting to listen to initial sounds in words at this stage of his school life. He would be in Kindergarten. He would be expected to fidget and to need frequent opportunities for physical movement in the classroom.

By the end of the school year he would be reading some cvc words and would be able to identify some sight words (I, me, you, he, she, the, a, go, to, and other high frequency words).

He would be expected to make much more progress in first grade, when he would be six with many of his peers turning seven.

The British approach is lacking in understanding of what average children's brains are capable of. Children are pushed too far, too young.

Also, given the referral and assessment process is so long, I would ask what adaptations are being made now, while you wait for this. Again this would be helpful to come from the SENCO. My DS has some things put in place to help him already, and Y1 has been much smoother than reception already.

OP, I had the same from our primary. My ds is August born.

There were 5 boys in the year who were all July or August born, the school said they all showed signs of adhd. The GPs all said no. In the end, the TA took the five of them plus the youngest girl in the year for separate sessions in Writing, and reading.

The gap had disappeared by year 3.

DS is now on an academic scholarship at an independent school.

Push back at the school. The GP has said not and they aren't willing to involve senco so I think that's the end of the conversation.

Keep supporting your ds at home as you have been. Get to know his form teacher & TA if you can. Your little boy sounds lovely.

I don't think a diagnosis of adhd will be given before age 6. The school can give him/ seek for him any support he needs without a diagnosis.

Ask the school to have him observed and assessed. If your GP isn't willing to refer your DS for an assessment you've met a brick wall there (unless you keep going back time after time and you centrally find a GP to agree). For now the choice is school refer or you go private.

I had a wobbly, fidgety, very chatty DD. She could sit still if asked, but she never stayed focussed on what was being taught. She just didn't learn to read or write, but was utterly charming and very teacher she had adored her. She left primary school barely able to read and write, and with a diagnosis of dyslexia. It wasn't until the end of secondary that school thought there might've something else going on. She's now on a waiting list to be assessed for ADHD. If she'd had a diagnosis years ago, I think she would have received a lot more support in school, and we'd have understood why she'd do things like not be aware she could get run over if she steps in front of a car (age appropriate at 6, but not 16).

I'd push for the school to have him observed by an educational psychologist. You'll then know what his behaviour is like in school, and school will be given tips how best to handle him in the classroom.

I've been through this with my son who's 11. It has been hell I won't lie. Started in year 1 teachers saying the same thing to me as they have to you. We were quite shocked as he'd never shown any issues at home.
We agreed for the school to proceed and he was assessed. He was also observed in school by an educational psychologist. That lady said she saw nothing to indicate adhd/asd.
He was discharged by cahms and we have reams of paperwork saying no evidence of adhd/asd.
Over the years through school, we have realised its just the classroom environment he doesn't like. He does get distracted. He is never ever naughty. He has always done his work and performed well in his sats.
He has just started high school and I cannot believe the difference already. This is because he has many teachers each day and many different classes. It has solved all the problems he had a primary, and I knew it would.
Was all going well until yesterday when he brought home some paperwork from the high-school, a classroom plan for him. On which it listed his issues and that he had a diagnosis of adhd! They've told me all of this has come from the primary school. I am absolutely furious!
My advice is to stay strong, advocate for your child,

Op I'm confused by his reading ability?

T

You said he can spell well etc?

They should absolutely be involving the senco. That's pretty odd not to. There is a massive difference between children born in sept and august. However, a teacher would be able to observe that's it more than age related early on. Get the senco involved. I'm teach N, R and year 1 x

Ahh sorry just seen he has just moved into year one. That's a massive shift for him from reception(where it is all play based). Lots more sitting at tables, writing in books and more importantly less time outside to burn off all that extra energy. Support the school to make a referral if that's what they feel is the right thing to do. If there is nothing to find they will find nothing, it's likely to be an expectation /! Age thing x

That means they've been tailoring their approach to teaching him as having the needs of somebody with ADHD, not that everything is magically fixed/all the fault of the previous school and he doesn't have it, though?

If, as it sounds, you don't want them to take it into account, you'll be expecting them to remove all adaptations/consideration and he'll likely experience a lot of difficulties as he goes through secondary - wouldn't you prefer it if he had access arrangements for exams, for example?