AIBU?
Moving Theatre Seats
Sorrythatsjustmybrain · 29/09/2022 22:38
Okay I'm prepared to be flamed but otherwise I'm going to be thinking about for the rest of time, so I need some opinions!
Went to the theatre the other day, and noticed the seats were really squashed together (not my specific AIBU but a good topic itself!).
I sat next to a lady and we were immediately touching. There were quite a few empty seats as it was not a well known show. The lady seemed friendly enough and I said if no one sat next to us on the other side, we'd move up to give the two couples more room. She agreed and laughed - all fine!
During the interval I realised that next to that couple were 4 empty seats, whereas on the other side of us all seats were full and again my DP was sat basically on top of the poor woman next to him. The lady went to the toilets and I asked her husband if he would move up a couple of seats so we could spread out and all have a bit more room. He point blank refused. I asked him why and he said "because I don't want to"... I explained that if they just moved up at least one seat it would mean his wife would also have more space so it would benefit them. He started shouting at me that he wasn't moving, so I said I'm not sure why you're so entitled about a seat and left him to it.
His wife then came back and also started shouting at me that if I wasn't happy I should move. I said I am happy, I just thought it would be nice for us all to spread out and it would benefit her. She then started physically elbowing me at which point I shouted at her to stop. The pair of them then both started laughing at me saying I should move and that they can't believe I even asked etc. The wife said her husband was tall so couldn't move up, but by that logic he should have been in the back row?! I also didn't understand why she had agreed we would move to then come back and shout because her husband told her I had asked them to move up one. I just asked them to please stop as it's embarrassing.
In the end the show came back on so they stopped talking about me (loud enough to make it obvious) but she kept elbowing me periodically through the rest. Afterwards I just said to my DP let's go because I really couldn't be arsed to argue more with the couple when all I'd done was ask them to move up one. I could see that they started a conversation with the man sat in front of them so now I'm wondering if it was me being the arsehole. There were a few people still sat in their seats through the interval but no one said anything.
AIBU in thinking they could have easily moved up and it wouldn't have caused anyone an issue?!
Am I being unreasonable?
AIBUYou have one vote. All votes are anonymous.
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 30/09/2022 01:54
I don’t think they should have shouted at you and especially not elbowed you. That’s not on.
But equally, I do think you shouldn’t have kept pushing the “if you’d just move up” business once he’d said no. It sounds like he had a better view (or more leg room?) where he was. Perhaps they thought you were asking them to move so that you’d have their original seats, and there was something that was better about these?
RewildingAmbridge · 30/09/2022 08:00
They booked and paid for the seats they wanted, they didn't want to move from them. It's like when people ask others to move on flights so 'everyone's more comfortable' but really it's because it will suit them more. If you were uncomfortable and there were empty seats you should've moved.
ClocksGoingBackwards · 30/09/2022 08:03
Why didn’t you accept no for an answer the first time you were told?
You were rude to try and start ‘explaining’ at them when you were told no.
They were rude in turn.
YABU to insist that it wouldn’t affect anyone if they moved up, because if the husband was tall then maybe he’d have blocked someone else’s view. That can’t be helped when people sit in their booked and allocated seats, but isn’t really fair when people decide to move themselves around.
YellowAndGreenToBeSeen · 30/09/2022 08:10
Sorrythatsjustmybrain · 29/09/2022 23:17
Which is a completely reasonable response and I wouldn't have had a problem with that. What I did have a problem with was the immediate shouting at me, and then egging on his wife to do the same.
AlmostAJillSandwich · 29/09/2022 23:13
I pick dead centre when booking or get there early to get as central in the row as i can at none specific seating movies etc, because i don't like not having a straight on view. 2 seats along can make a quite noticeable difference, so if i was happy with the view i had, i wouldn't want to move. I wouldn't be rude about it or shout/elbow etc if someone asked me to move to fit their party in all together or to leave a gap seat, but i wouldn't say anything more than "sorry, no, i want this seat for the view".
After his initial "no" you were rude to pass further comment to argue your point, however politely worded. If you weren't happy and there were seats to move to, you should have just moved.
Not entirely true though… you asked him why he felt so ‘entitled’ and that’s what caused his further annoyance.
You didn’t take no for an answer and it pissed them off.
Daisychainsx · 30/09/2022 08:20
I love going to the theatre and buy my seats because I want to sit in those exact seats. If someone asked me to move for their comfort I'd absolutely refuse.
There were 4 empty seats... you could have moved. After the guy said no that should have been the end of the conversation. You were being unreasonable.
VeridicalVagabond · 30/09/2022 08:26
You're acting like you were a shy shrinking violet who didn't deserve to be shouted at, but that's not true by your own description. You asked him to move, he said no. You then proceeded to press the issue, essentially "mansplaining" to him why your opinion was right, followed by calling him entitled for wanting to sit in the seat he paid for. I'd have had some choice words for you too, lady.
The fact that no one intervened, including your own partner when they were having a pop at you kind of implies that it's not just everyone here who thinks you're the unreasonable one.
Sorrythatsjustmybrain · 30/09/2022 08:31
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 30/09/2022 01:54
I don’t think they should have shouted at you and especially not elbowed you. That’s not on.
But equally, I do think you shouldn’t have kept pushing the “if you’d just move up” business once he’d said no. It sounds like he had a better view (or more leg room?) where he was. Perhaps they thought you were asking them to move so that you’d have their original seats, and there was something that was better about these?
If moving seats meant any of those things for him, I wouldn't have asked in the first place. It wouldn't have made a difference to anyone in front or behind as there were gaps in the seat I suggested moving to. The seats are all the same size so no extra leg room.
If he'd have been polite from the start and said "I booked these specific seats but you're welcome to sit the other side of me" I would have got up and squeezed past him. It was more that he became confrontational straight away and was saying things like "who do you think I am", as if I was asking to cut his legs off, not just move one seat over. So I said "you don't need to be so entitled" and stopped engaging until his wife came back and started elbowing me, where the only thing to do was shout back after repeatedly asking them both to please stop. I just said "stop elbowing me" and people started to turn round which was the only way she calmed down.
On the wider thread, for those saying "he said no politely", no he didn't and was intimidating. Yes I said it would benefit his wife and others because it was common sense that moving up wouldn't obscure his or anyone else's view. I didn't escalate the situation or create it by asking a question, their reactions did that.
I honestly don't think it's criminal to ask someone nicely if they'd move up and I don't appreciate the character attacks that some people seem to think are appropriate on here. If you wouldn't ask someone to move, fair enough, that's your perogative, but I don't see the issue in just asking, as I would expect someone to ask me. What I do think the issue is, is someone responding like that to a genuine question. I actually think it's a bit sad that people don't seem to think about others or the majority when it makes no difference to their life or environment. It would have benefitted me yes, but also the other couple on the other side who would then have also moved up with us giving the next couple slightly more room too. That vs one seat didn't seem like a big deal until his outburst.
MorrisZapp · 30/09/2022 08:41
People are weird about 'my seat' though.
I always laugh on trains when four strangers sit at a table, having to avoid playing footsie and the ever present eye contact in front of them, when there are numerous other seats available.
Being allocated a seat doesn't mean you have to sit in it. I always reserve a seat then move if a better one is free.
Sirzy · 30/09/2022 08:47
MorrisZapp · 30/09/2022 08:41
People are weird about 'my seat' though.
I always laugh on trains when four strangers sit at a table, having to avoid playing footsie and the ever present eye contact in front of them, when there are numerous other seats available.
Being allocated a seat doesn't mean you have to sit in it. I always reserve a seat then move if a better one is free.
And the Op could have moved if she wished. But she expected others to move who didn’t want to. They don’t need to have a reason to not want to move either
Corrosive · 30/09/2022 08:53
If he was immediately aggressive when he said 'no' to your request for him to move then I think you were really daft and pushy to continue to hound him.
You were pushy and rude.
If the theatre was as empty as you say why didn't you move at the interval.
They shouldn't have shouted and elbowed tough.
urgen · 30/09/2022 09:06
Theatres do bring out the worst in people. People on their phones, munching away because they cannot possibly not eat until the interval etc.
I go to the theatre a lot and a few months ago a couple sat next to me in not great seats tbh and kept looking around. Eventually she and her partner spotted some seats right in the stalls (you know the most expensive seats!).
They rushed down to them just as the curtain was going up and disturbed everyone. In the next 10 mins a couple came in late and of course this couple were in their seats. Everyone had to stand up and the usher got involved. The poor actors on the stage were clearly put off by all of this and eventually the couple ended up back with us.
Personally I would ban eating, phones on silent and if it does ring then its seen as completely unacceptable behaviour. Dont do what someone did last year and answer the phone and start talking. When someone told her to be quiet she said it was an 'emergency'.
drunkinthebackofthecar · 30/09/2022 09:09
@urgen Its really interesting because I almost never see that kind of behaviour at the theatres we go to. I only ever see people eating at west end musicals/touring musicals to be honest, which I think bring out people who don’t usually go to the theatre and don’t know how to behave properly. It’s why we rarely go to any musicals unless they’re in theatres like Chichester or non-West End theatres, where people almost always behave normally.
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