Summer Born Babies - to feel sad?

[confusedMumm443]

My daughter is summer born. Just started year 3. I felt very sad today as she was being her usual playful self and the group of girls near her were laughing at her. She is very immature compared to the other girls. They seem very grown up whereas she’s very young. She’s the youngest in the class and just for context 3 of them have already turned 8 whereas she won’t turn 8 till end of August. I spoke to teacher today too who said she is very young and she can see she’s very young compared to the other forms she hangs with. Is this what school will be like for her now? I feel really sad and sometimes think whether we should have delayed the start of school for another year.

It was just so upsetting seeing her play around at drop off whilst waiting for the teacher and the group of girls laughing at her. I can’t get the image out of my head. She’s so innocent she didn’t realise they were poking fun at her.

Yes I’m finding this too! My DD is 29/8 and at times in primary I felt like she was SO young compared to others she was different.
but now she’s in year 6 (how did that happen??!) and has really come out of herself and found her feet!
Good luck op. I’m sure she’ll be fine soon x

Sending hugs.
please don’t worry though. She’ll be fine. Especially with a mum who cares so much!!

Yes, I can totally believe that. I'd feel the same and I often do. I don't like sayings normally and this one is a bit clunky but so true: "having a child is like letting your heart wander around outside" or something like that. Anyway huge hugs!!

My DD is end of August born too and she's tiny even for her age. She's fine academically but emotionally, socially and physically (!!!) there's a massive difference between her and her classmates who are a nearly a year older. And yes, I regret not holding her back a year.

I guess the gulf will become smaller as they get older and hopefully those girls with time will become kinder and more empathetic as well. It might be worth talking to the teacher every time this happens as pp have suggested to help them with being nicer.

I totally understand OP. My summer born just turned 12 and I feel that only now have things leveled out in terms of - I don't know what to call it- social maturity? There were some hard times, including a tremendously mean note which she couldn't grasp the shittiness of. I still have it somewhere because I'm a psycho. But! Along with several other summer borns, she is very ahead academically and can really work hard. I have a theory that for some kids at least, being stretched and pushed early pays dividends in this respect.

I don’t think it’s purely down to being summer-born. My DD is also very young for her age and not a summer baby. She is small physically too so often gets mistaken for being a couple of years younger than she is. She definitely acts more like the 5 & 6 year olds we know then an almost 8 year old. But she isn’t picked on, thankfully, she’s very popular and her playfulness is seen as fun by the other kids.

I was also similarly young for my age & played with dolls etc easily until I was 12, when everyone else had grown out of it. The difference is I wasn’t popular and I was made fun of.

Sadly I think it’s just one of those things, summer or not, it’s all down to personality.

August born who was also smallest and put ahead 2 years.

There are other factors besides age.
Your moving is probably the main factor. She's at a school where she suddenly doesn't know anyone.

Why were the girls laughing at her? What did they say?

How are her social skills overall?

I'd you're doing drop off and pick up, you can be a social lubricant by speaking to the other parents first.

Whenever we moved, I'd introduce myself and kids right away and throw a party. It always worked.

This. I was born in July and my sister was 4 until the end of September and neither of us had issues.

but maybe kids are different these days

I am late summer baby. Very confident adult. She will likely catch up.

Just a question I've seen people say before their summer born children are the youngest in the class.
Can I ask how that works?
When does the new school start for you?
I have 2 summer born kids & they're some of the oldest in the class. New school terms start early September.
I have a Spring born child & they are the youngest in their class by 6-8 months.
How does it work please explain someone 😅
And is this the UK you're talking about? (I'm in Europe)

My ds is summer born and he is so far thriving along with his peers. I was also worried initially but he is at a fantastic school who is very aware of such issues and ensure that the summer borns adjust well. What did the teacher do about the kids laughing at her? Our school would have dealt with something like this.

When does the new school year start for you then? January?

I think you just have to parent to your child, no matter when their birthday is. With girls like that sadly they will find any reason - it’s not about your daughter at all it’s about them using other people to bolster their own self esteem m.

I’m a summer born and have done v well. My dh and brother also. Personally I think it’s great being the youngest, you have more time in your early twenties for everything. I graduated at 20 and was travelling the world before I was 21. Some of my friends were nearly 22 when they came out of uni, mentally that gives you a big advantage

I'd also recommend trying to move her back a year now. I have a summer born but he's only 2, when the time comes for school, if he's not ready, we won't hesitate waiting another year.

I'm sorry you experienced that, I'd feel exactly the same as you seeing other children laughing at my son 😓

My son’s August born and he was tiny when he started. Never held him back, he’s just started Uni and got 3 A*’s in his A levels. He went to nursery full time before school so it was never a big deal, for him or us. His dad is August born and has done very well in life / career so never held him back. The only recent thing is he wasn’t able to go out to pubs until a week or 2 before Uni whereas his friends been doing it a while. He’s not a big drinker anyway so not an issue

England and Wales have a cut off of 31 August with a September start to the school year. Children must be 4 by 31st August to start. Summer born children are only just 4, autumn born are almost 5.

DD1's birthday is late July. She went to a small village primary school with mixed-age classes. At the end of y1, they moved the older y1 children into the next class and included DD as she was bright and a great independent reader, even though she was younger than some they left in the class. She was the youngest in the mixed y2/3/4 class by 8 months. Before the move, I spoke to the new teacher whom everybody dreaded because she was "strict". She was great - completely got that DD was only just turning 6 when others in the class were 9. DD was (still is) tiny and wore glasses. From day 1, DD flew in that class because she loved the structure and being able to do y3 or y4 work. Yes, she was emotionally immature compared to her peers and found PE tough, but they did a good job with her and if there was any issue, Mrs Strict but fair put paid to it. DD is now 23 and studying for a PhD at Cambridge.

Thank you for explaining!
You could technically start your summer born at 5 though no?
This is primary one they'd be going into so proper school not a kindergarten pre year before school & serious learning begins?
Just curious!
My summer born were both 5 starting my spring born was 4.

Primary school I meant

I would have gone over to the girls and asked if their was an issue and told them it’s unkind to make fun of others.

The issue here is mean girls in the school and it not being addressed, not that your DD is August born. (Mum to an August DC as well).

I and one of my siblings are summer born and high achievers, thanks very much. I planned my DC to be summer born and they have also done well. They attended nursery from 6 months (mat leave was much shorter then) and entered school as confident children. I know this is anecdotal and I know some children struggle but putting it all down to being born in August and moaning is not constructive. Of all the things you could change, their birthday is not one of them.

My child is the eldest in the class and is playful just like your daughter, they are young children after all.

And yes, address the issues of bullying.

These girls absolutely shouldn’t be laughing at your daughter. That needs to be addressed by the teacher.

I’m not sure how much it’s got to do with her being an August baby though. I agree it can make a big difference in reception, but the older they get the less noticeable it becomes. I wouldn’t say there’s generally a huge difference in maturity between 7-8, 8-9, it’s more about the personality of the children. I have worked in Year 3 and Year 4 and I generally wouldn’t have been able to tell you which ones were the autumn babies and which ones were the summer babies just from judging how mature they were.

I wonder whether more of the girls in the new school have older siblings? It always seemed to me that those who did grew up faster than those who didn't.

My DD2 also suffered a lot from being 'young' compared with classmates, and she was September born.

Keep going back to the class teacher. Meanness should be stamped on, but even if not mean, she may not make friends if she is at a different development stage.

Can they do anything to encourage more year group mixing at break so she can more easily play with y2s?