Summer Born Babies - to feel sad?

[confusedMumm443]

My daughter is summer born. Just started year 3. I felt very sad today as she was being her usual playful self and the group of girls near her were laughing at her. She is very immature compared to the other girls. They seem very grown up whereas she’s very young. She’s the youngest in the class and just for context 3 of them have already turned 8 whereas she won’t turn 8 till end of August. I spoke to teacher today too who said she is very young and she can see she’s very young compared to the other forms she hangs with. Is this what school will be like for her now? I feel really sad and sometimes think whether we should have delayed the start of school for another year.

It was just so upsetting seeing her play around at drop off whilst waiting for the teacher and the group of girls laughing at her. I can’t get the image out of my head. She’s so innocent she didn’t realise they were poking fun at her.

PS I have an August baby and I have occasional worries but I think his issues are because he’s ND, as were my issues.

I have a summer born. He had lots of summer born friends.

i would talk to the teacher. I don’t think this has anything to do with her age but rather the group of other girls. The teacher needs to watch them.

Have a good cry .
Just reading your post has me teary eyed too.
Your little girls sounds lovely. 💐

I have 2 summer born dc, I think year 3/4 (or p4/5) is when you can start to notice some of the children being more mature, but they do catch up with each other by top primary.

I've always tried to encourage my children to be themselves and not try to change to fit in with others. Try to get friendships outside of the school setting - brownies or beavers or dance or anything really. I would keep mentioning any mean behaviour to the teacher - it might be nothing to do with maturity, just mean-girl unpleasantness that needs to be nipped into n the bud, especially if your DD is new to the school.

Sadly evidence shows they don't all catch up. Especially Summerborn boys who statistically fair quite badly.

And 💐 it is awful when other kids behave unkindly to your own.

I've got a very late summer born DC who is now in year 2. Covid didn't help as it meant he started reception during odd Covid times and he'd only been 4 for a week.. then school closed for months due to lockdowns etc. DC is really bright and academically is doing just as well as the older ones, but his emotional maturity is quite markedly younger.

Like you OP, I was at a party with DC last weekend and it made me sad to see his peers kind of disregard him a bit because he was so young. Sometimes I think they find it odd that DC is so random (in the way that very young kids come out with such odd stuff out of context!) and it makes me sad as I think DC is just trying to find ways to connect with the other kids but they find him a bit young and immature. He does have some pals he's close with but a lot of his year group are older ones.

DH was August born
DD was late May born
DS was December born
I was July born

The first three were Oxbridge. I got an MBA in my 40s although I dripped put of uni.

Can't see it's relevant tbh. DD as a summer born was one of the tallest until Yr 7; DS was one of the shortest until he was about 14. I was one of the shortest in my first year of secondary and one of the tallest in the upper fifth.

My summer born and winter born were both reading in reception.

Its not always about birthday.

Some children have older siblings or parents who allow experiences and products earlier than others.

DS is a mid winter birthday. He often seems quite young compared to some of his peers. He watches more babyish tv - because we don't allow a 6 year old to watch 12 rated films like some children in his class have seen. He doesn't know much about things like nintendo switch, computer or tablet games because we don't have those at home.

He has no older siblings, and i notice some of the children who do are already much more....socially manipulative, the language they use is different and they are tbh, less kind/innocent!!

Husband is July and very successful. His brother is August and has 7 figure salary. My BIL is July and incredibly successful.

It might be the difference in the school too. We moved when my DC were later in primary, and the children in the new school were more innocent (long socks and ribbons in their hair in year 5/6) but, oddly, also more independent as it was a safer area. A child moving in the opposite direction might have struggled to fit in.

I am also summer born, and I was definitely more childlike for longer - playing with dolls at age 10 while the cool girls were into boys already. But I had my own friends.

Once your dd finds friends on her wavelength I hope the nastiness disappears.

Oh & my youngest is august born. She comes across as more mature than some of the children in her class who are older. Shes got an older brother so picks up things from him earlier than he did, but also an element is just her personality. She's got a confident bossiness but also has always been somehow socially astute.

Also OP? I'd be more sad about the little girls growing up too fast and turning into mini mean girls at 8, than your DD who sounds lovely. If she's not noticing their rude behaviour just let her get on as she is.

It is tough to see our summer borns struggle. Mine has just gone into year 4 and recently seems to have had a huge developmental leap in terms of emotional maturity and motor skills. I can't help but think how much easier she would have it if she were starting year 3 now instead. She found the last year a struggle.

When she started school we did briefly consider holding her back a year but she had enjoyed preschool and seemed ready so we didn't, but I do regret it now.

Precisely the reason why I'm holding off TTC until a couple of months time as I am currently experiencing the same with my August born reception aged child who only recently turned four, with kids nearly a year older than him towering above him, and it breaks my heart how tired he looks at the end of the long day!

Dd 1 (July) and my friends Dd (august) between them got the top gcse results in their year. They catch up - and then some!

My summer born boy is in year one and apparently doing better than expected for his age in reading, writing and maths. He's one of the taller kids in the class and I don't feel any difference with his classmates. I think it's easy to think summer born babies are very much younger than everyone else but in reality probably half the class are spring and summer babies with not all that much between them.

Children are cruel though. I was the second oldest in my class at primary and was horrifically bullied after starting a new school as I was shy. Hope everything settles down for your daughter OP.

It's possible one of my two suffered a bit from being the youngest in the year, although they both were summer born. They're both now in great jobs and with decent qualifications. They do catch up.

Not sure her age has anything to do with some nasty children. My DS is mid August born and the baby in his year group. I really did notice the difference in reception in terms of maturity for the first couple of years but it seemed to even itself out as friendship groups developed. He is year 5 now and you couldn’t tell the difference between him and his friends, some of whom are almost a year older. I suppose it helps that he is taller than most of them and has always done pretty well academically.

If you really feel this strongly, just hold her down a year, repeat a year at another local school?

it makes such a difference the whole way through.

Parent to summer born boys.

DS3 is late July born. He was 2nd tallest when he started Reception. The tallest was September born. He has always been very mature (3 much older siblings probably helped) and was writing his own code at 7. He's now 12, in Yr8 and being given GCSE work to do as he's so far head in Maths and Sciences. In age 17/18 extra length school trousers which are flapping at his ankles!

Kids develop at different paces. December born DD matured very slowly and struggled with school socially and academically until she left and managed to get a degree after 3 years at college despite failing her GCSEs!

As PP have said some kids, especially girls of that age, can be a bit mean. As your DD is the noticeable new girl and probably not in an established friendship group yet, they may be singling her out just because of that. Or they might be laughing at other kids as well just because they're like that. I wouldn't put put it all down to her being the youngest. Unfortunately, IME having 4 DC, some schools or even year groups can have lovely DC and parents, others horrible DC and parents!

Can you ask the school for a buddy for your DD if she doesn't already have friends and is struggling settling in. It's early days if she only started this term. It's awful when you see your DC being laughed at (I have an older DS with ASD and a learning disability so have lots of experience). As long as your DD is not noticing and being upset, I'd watch and wait. She may well mature fast at that age if the other DC are too, not that that's a good thing!

My two were a bit like this until end of year 3 but there were other summer borns
New school is always hard at first

My niece oCT born has always been a little immature compared to her friends and often hung about with kids a year or two younger so its not always down to the month they are born
My ds auguat baby despite being a boy and a couple years younger has always been more mature and grown up than my niece an academically a lot brighter

@LivingMyBestLie maybe statically we should be looking into why and stepping in rather than almost writing them off,i wonder if they compare everything in these stats
My two blow stats apart both did well at school despite being boys and summer born and shock horror we live on a council estate , so stats are not always right.
Ds1 currently at uni , Ds 2 doing well at college
Both struggled a little year 1/2 but by end of year 3 doing well and in too sets as school intervened some extra help to catch up with their peers

I can empathise OP. Summer born DD in year 5 and getting to that age where they start being much more self conscious. To make it worse our school merge year group so her class is year 5+6 together so she is only just 9 with kids who are already turning 11. She's completely not interested in boys, makeup, clothes etc and just wants to play silly games but already some of her friends have left her behind as they've lost interest in playing and just want to walk around the field gossiping.

Does your DD do any groups like brownies? As that can be great for giving them somewhere safe to be themselves without worrying about what others think.