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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD16 walking home from school

84 replies

Isthisbatcountry · 29/09/2022 20:17

So DD 15 (1 month away from being 16) has to attend mandatory revision class after school every evening. This means she will be leaving school at 16.10 every night. I've asked her if she wants a bus pass. She's adamant she wants to walk. It's about 1. 5 miles. No one else can pick her up. It's bus or walk. She really doesn't want to bus, says she wants the exercise and enjoys the walk. It also takes longer to get home on the bus. We don't live in an amazing area but the walk is along main busy roads and is well lit. I've reluctantly allowed her to do so thinking she's almost an adult and she should be able to decide for herself what she wants to do.
Today a teacher calls me saying she's concerned, it's a safe guarding issue and can someone pick her up or can we convince her to get the bus. Especially during the winter months. I'm doubting my parenting decisions now.
Don't want to harp on about "back in my day" but I was out after dark most nights when I was a teenager and I was fine.
AIBU to allow her to walk home or should I put my foot down and force her to get the bus.

OP posts:
OriginalUsername2 · 29/09/2022 21:43

A lit busy road is the safest place to walk - eyes everywhere. Walking is healthy exercise. Even the sun going down doesn’t mean danger suddenly lurks.

A phone call mentioning a safe-gaurding issue would set my anxiety right off! I wonder if the teacher checked it was okay to do this.

heartbroken22 · 29/09/2022 21:44

I'd be worried with all the cases of women walking alone getting battered to death. It's 1.5 miles too. Can she take the bus and you pick her up? I wouldn't ever take that risk with my child. Don't care how old she is.

XmasTreeOh · 29/09/2022 21:51

I track my teen on their phone and will do until they leave school then they choose if I keep it on. She’s 16, could be out at work if they hadn’t changed the rules!

Kumri · 29/09/2022 21:53

Depends on the area. In the vast majority of places it is probably fine, but there are also plenty of places I won’t walk alone as a female because of fear of mugging/rape, presumably your DD’s teacher is worried that the area is unsafe. Lots of adult women like walking alone home. It doesn’t always end well.

I walked home from school from age 12. By the time I was 16 I’d been groped twice, seperately followed twice by two different gangs of men (managed to lose them both times), had a knife pulled on me, had rocks thrown at me (they hurt!) and been pushed over into the road by a random girl from my school, I still have the scars on my knees.

(Plus all the usual wolf whistles and ‘give us a smile love’ harassment from creepy men.)

All in the daytime, in a wealthy ‘nice’ part of London.

Teenagers don’t understand the abuse headed their way because they haven’t experienced it yet.

I’ll be giving my children lifts as long as I can and explaining why walking alone is usually a bad idea, no matter how freeing it feels.

Kite22 · 29/09/2022 21:54

How very bizarre.
My dds both walked home from school, and coincidently, their school was 1.5miles away.
Aside from her very different risk assessment of the situation from mine, how does she even know how a Year11 gets home ? Confused

Like others, I would probably e-mail back and ask if there was some other information that she was aware of that we weren't, as it seemed like such a strange thing for her to be contacting you about.

MurderAtTheBeautyPageant · 29/09/2022 21:55

safeguarding issue my ass.

that teacher is a tit.

UrslaB · 29/09/2022 21:57

Don't stress OP. You have made a considered decision alongside your daughter. Don't let yourself be undermined.

Was walking home two miles every day from I was 14. 1/4 mile was along a road with no footpath. In winter weather I would take a folding bike to school to cycle home to speed the journey.

Am surprised the teacher even knew how your DC was getting home. When I hold revision classes after school the kids have to fill in permission slips signed by themselves and their parent/guardians to say they understand they are responsible with getting their own way home. I never ask how. Bus, walk, bike, lift...it's not my concern. It is assumed the parents/guardians have made an informed decision with the kid. I assume the teacher is young or this is their first time organizing revision classes? Maybe overly cautious/nervous?

NewbietoSE3 · 29/09/2022 21:59

A lot of this depends on your area doesn't it? Are you in the deep dark countryside? Why does the teacher think it's an issue?

NewbietoSE3 · 29/09/2022 22:01

Ignore my previous post - just saw your update.

maddiemookins16mum · 29/09/2022 22:01

The world is slowly going mad.

Nameless3 · 29/09/2022 22:03

heartbroken22 · 29/09/2022 21:44

I'd be worried with all the cases of women walking alone getting battered to death. It's 1.5 miles too. Can she take the bus and you pick her up? I wouldn't ever take that risk with my child. Don't care how old she is.

So you will never let your teenage children walk alone in the day time ever?

Navigatingnewwaters · 29/09/2022 22:04

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

You what?

SallyWD · 29/09/2022 22:04

I find this very strange. My daughter walks the same distance to school and back every day, sometimes at 4pm because of clubs. She's 12! I thought this was normal

Nameless3 · 29/09/2022 22:05

SallyWD · 29/09/2022 22:04

I find this very strange. My daughter walks the same distance to school and back every day, sometimes at 4pm because of clubs. She's 12! I thought this was normal

It's normal in my world.

Arenanewbie · 29/09/2022 22:06

I also wonder is there any particular reason for teacher’s concern. Maybe she consider your DD more vulnerable for some reason?
Due to location quite a few students at DD’s former school walked 1.5- 2 miles, many on their own so the length itself doesn’t sound unusual or excessive to me.

MurderAtTheBeautyPageant · 29/09/2022 22:07

heartbroken22 · 29/09/2022 21:44

I'd be worried with all the cases of women walking alone getting battered to death. It's 1.5 miles too. Can she take the bus and you pick her up? I wouldn't ever take that risk with my child. Don't care how old she is.

But you'd take the risk of your child leaving home for university without ever having made their way from A to B by themselves. Seems sensible...

Lunde · 29/09/2022 22:19

It seems like a really odd conversation from the teacher.

But then again where I live in Sweden it is not uncommon for 6th form students to live alone to attend 6th form from the age of 15/16

BloodAndFire · 29/09/2022 22:24

Lunde · 29/09/2022 22:19

It seems like a really odd conversation from the teacher.

But then again where I live in Sweden it is not uncommon for 6th form students to live alone to attend 6th form from the age of 15/16

Don't worry. It's really odd in the UK too

NeverDropYourMooncup · 29/09/2022 22:30

I'm guessing an ECT who has gone from being driven to and from school to having their own car at 17 'because it's too dangerous to walk anywhere'.

Although, thinking positively, I suppose that's one teacher who won't be dishing out detentions for the tiniest infraction.

Anyhow, even in the last week of term, it's only been dark for about 15 minutes if you live in the bottom half of the UK - it's hardly walking through a post apocalyptic industrial wasteland at 3am.

SmallestInTheClass · 29/09/2022 22:36

My DD in Year 7 walks home this distance at 4:30pm if she does an after school club. I track on my phone but never occurred to me not to let her

Bairnsmum05 · 29/09/2022 22:38

This is batshit mental, she can get married and vote in one months time!!

FiveMins · 29/09/2022 22:44

heartbroken22 · 29/09/2022 21:44

I'd be worried with all the cases of women walking alone getting battered to death. It's 1.5 miles too. Can she take the bus and you pick her up? I wouldn't ever take that risk with my child. Don't care how old she is.

FFS don't listen to this bollock. Life has risks. This is ridiculous. You know that people are poisoned by carbon monoxide poisoning in their houses. Don't go in a house. People died in cars. Do don't drive. Trains crash. Pedestrians get hit. Ceilings fall down. Food can cause salmonella, or choking and obesity. Don't eat. Never ever go on holiday, to work, school or home as people die in all those places.

JessesMum777888 · 29/09/2022 22:46

My son is 12 and will be doing that walk every evening. He finishes at 4.30 two days a week , if your a bad parent then I’m a totally shit one !’

eurochick · 29/09/2022 22:52

"All these cases" of women getting battered? What are you referring to? It's rare. It's awful when it happens but thankfully rare.

When I was at school I walked 40 mins each way across town to school. At certain times of year it was dark. It was no problem.

LynetteScavo · 29/09/2022 22:55

Tell the school bus money is available for DD if she wants it, she chooses to walk against advice given. The end.

Unless the road is a busy duel
carriage way I don't see the issue. She'll be home by 5pm, it's hardly late at night.