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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DD16 walking home from school

84 replies

Isthisbatcountry · 29/09/2022 20:17

So DD 15 (1 month away from being 16) has to attend mandatory revision class after school every evening. This means she will be leaving school at 16.10 every night. I've asked her if she wants a bus pass. She's adamant she wants to walk. It's about 1. 5 miles. No one else can pick her up. It's bus or walk. She really doesn't want to bus, says she wants the exercise and enjoys the walk. It also takes longer to get home on the bus. We don't live in an amazing area but the walk is along main busy roads and is well lit. I've reluctantly allowed her to do so thinking she's almost an adult and she should be able to decide for herself what she wants to do.
Today a teacher calls me saying she's concerned, it's a safe guarding issue and can someone pick her up or can we convince her to get the bus. Especially during the winter months. I'm doubting my parenting decisions now.
Don't want to harp on about "back in my day" but I was out after dark most nights when I was a teenager and I was fine.
AIBU to allow her to walk home or should I put my foot down and force her to get the bus.

OP posts:

pinok · 29/09/2022 20:52

Weird

minisoksmakehardwork · 29/09/2022 20:53

As you and dd have discussed and are both happy, thank the teacher for her concern and you're happy to discuss with the safeguarding team if there are further concerns.

It sounds like a teacher who has concerns about personal safety but maybe doesn't expectations around students getting themselves into and home from school.

If the school as a whole has this concern, they need to make arrangements for students to be transported home from mandatory revision sessions.

My eldest's school also has mandatory revision in year 11. Dd will get the late school bus home because we are rural and entitled to transport. But if we lived within a 3 mile limit and had suitable roads/paths, she would be expected to make her own way home by her school. Even in the dark!

Postapocalypticcowgirl · 29/09/2022 20:54

Who is the teacher? Just a normal class teacher? Most schools let Y7s walk home alone at this time after sports clubs, let alone Y11 students.

Even if the teacher did consider it a safeguarding issue, it's not the place of an ordinary class teacher to phone you and discuss. I'd call back and ask to speak to someone like the Head of Year.

I'd be tempted to be belligerent with the school and say you're not going to force DD to get the bus, you can't pick up, so either she walks, or she doesn't go to revision. She can't possibly be the only one walking?

DistrictCommissioner · 29/09/2022 20:56

The teacher is crazy.

my 14yo DD goes to school 1.2 miles away. She walks there & back every day. Lots of the kids in our village do, it’s totally normal to walk alone for secondary school.

MsTSwift · 29/09/2022 20:58

Is it quite deserted? Mine walk back but it’s quite busy bustling areas. Sounds like the teacher has her best interests at heart. My flatmate was sexually attacked walking back from work at 5.30pm. I wouldn’t be thrilled with a teen girl walking regularly in the dark on her own in quiet area.

PanPacificBallroomChampion · 29/09/2022 21:00

My DD walked 1.5 miles from starting VI form - so from 16-18 there and back, no problem. I’m sure your DD will be fine. The novelty might wear off once it gets cold!

sanityisamyth · 29/09/2022 21:00

My DS(8) (Year 4) cycles a mile to and from school on the roads. He loves it. School are fine with it. Don't understand why someone twice his age walking it is a problem?

GeorgeorRuth · 29/09/2022 21:00

We didn't finish school until 4, back in the day, I did an afternoon school club so didn't leave until 5, we walked through the local woods. School was on one side, the estate was split in two by the woods, I lived on the other side...my friend and I often ran through the darkest part. 🤣
I find that a teenager walking home at 4 ish being a cause for concern to be utterly ludicrous to be honest.

Original poster

Isthisbatcountry · 29/09/2022 21:02

It's not deserted, very busy town centre and the walk is on busy main roads. We are definitely not rural. Interesting how someone said it can be a thing depending on where you live or where you were brought up. Definitely typical in our area to have kids walking around in the evening. Maybe this teacher just isn't used to kids being independent.

OP posts:

VampiresWife · 29/09/2022 21:02

This is bonkers!

DD walked the 1.5 miles to school and the same home every day from the age of 11. Even in the snowy, dark winter evenings when choir finished at 4.30pm or later. There was no direct bus route and we don't drive so there wasn't any choice.

At 16 you can get married or join the armed forces for heaven's sake! Is this teacher known for being dramatic?

WonderingMum2 · 29/09/2022 21:03

If she was training for a 10k she’d be running longer and later. Good on her

TheBoxOfWhat · 29/09/2022 21:03

It might be that there is a safeguarding issue you are unaware of. I was sexually assaulted in broad daylight around 5pm walking back to my car from work in a town centre. I was also about 6 months pregnant. Not sure if they realised that or if they cared. I was a grown woman in my late 20s.

My local shopping mall type place is well known for grooming teenage girls, I know this from safeguarding training however lots of parents let their young teens go there as they feel it is safe. One large building with lots of shops, cinema, food court etc. It is safe if you know the dangers, know how they operate and what to look for, what to question. It may be the same for your DD, she might be walking a route that is fine when lots of other school children are walking it, not so great if they have had single walkers targeted somehow.

I would speak to the school and ask if there is anything specific that makes your DD walking home a risk at that time.

PaperPalace · 29/09/2022 21:04

I walked that distance home from school in a "not great" area from when I was 11.

BloodAndFire · 29/09/2022 21:05

I thought I must have misread this
My daughter is in Year 7 (in London) and walks home later than this, as did I at the same age.
By 16 I'd moved out of home. This isn't a real post, is it?

Solidarityisbetterthanchsrity · 29/09/2022 21:06

The only safeguarding issue I see here is a teacher who is so utterly clueless about how to handle a teenager's natural development towards adulthood

WonderingMum2 · 29/09/2022 21:08

I’m very sorry for the people on this thread who have suffered assault. It’s a horrendous experience. But I firmly believe we can’t limit all womens behaviour because of horrible men. Assaults happen sadly, in and out of the home.

LondonQueen · 29/09/2022 21:10

Not sure how it's a safeguarding issue unless you live in a really really bad area, if she sticks to well lit main roads and keeps her wits about her, she is probably safer then taking the bus.

NotJustAnybody · 29/09/2022 21:11

It's quite nice that school have shown concern. There's another thread where the school put a 11 yr old on the wrong bus and said it was his fault.
I'd contact them and ask if there's any reason for them flagging this up.
Your DD might not be so keen to walk when it's darker but if she's happy then I don't see the problem.

latetothefisting · 29/09/2022 21:12

really weird and overprotective of the teacher.
Apart from anything else, how would you be able to physically make a 16 y/o get the bus?
I presume that even if she doesn't get a bus pass she can still just get on a bus and pay an adhoc fare if she wants to get it occasionally if it's raining etc.?

KleineDracheKokosnuss · 29/09/2022 21:12

Ummm. My nine year old walks a mile home at 4:15 on her own. Most of the kids round here do the same…

I am only planning to go fetch her when it’s actually dark (part of the way is unlit).

mrsm43s · 29/09/2022 21:17

My two walked (separately) 1.5 miles home from school at 4 from from year 7. And 1.5 miles to school in the morning as well. It's a fairly normal thing to do once they've reached secondary age, so I really can't understand what the teacher's issue is. Perhaps talk to the school? Perhaps there's something about what your daughter is doing specifically that is raising alarm bells? It's got to be something more than simply walking home at 4pm at age 16...

bellac11 · 29/09/2022 21:20

At 16 I had retail jobs that involved leaving Tescos in one town and getting the very late and slow bus home at 11.15 (last bus) and then walking home from the bus stop, it was nearly an hours journey although the bus used to fly at that time of night

What on earth is wrong with people.

Nyancat · 29/09/2022 21:25

My 7 and 10 year old do it regularly about a mile there and back, at 16 its ott by the teacher

WithIcePlease · 29/09/2022 21:31

Both DD's walked 2 miles back from their school (not together due to different ages) and sch didn't finish until 4 and some days later with plays, orchestra etc
At that age too they were out and about to/from friends all weekend and sorting themselves out

Noteverybodylives · 29/09/2022 21:40

Is she walking on paths or on the actual road?

If the route is unsafe then I get why the teacher would be concerned.

Is it an area with a lot of attacks on girls?
And will lots of other school children also be walking that way?

I think it’s absolutely fine and have many students who walk much further than that but the route is safe and it’s in a safe, busy area.

The only time I’ve had to contact a parent over a child walking home was when the child was classed as vulnerable.

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