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AIBU?

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Original poster

Husband has started locking doors while i'm at work & we NEVER lock the doors

135 replies

Needanswers1 · 29/09/2022 17:14

My husband has been off work for 3 months due to an injury. We live in the country and never lock our doors. For the first time in over 5 years I came home early from work to find the front door locked! It also took a while for my husband to answer the door. When I questioned him he first said he was worried about safety (he never has when I'm home alone and never told me to lock the door) then he yelled at me to shut up and got very defensive. Am I being unreasonable or is he up to something?

OP posts:
EmmaH2022 · 29/09/2022 18:16

Needanswers1 · 29/09/2022 18:11

That is a good point. Injury is a torn achilles, but he is pretty mobile now and definitely not incapacitated. He has never indicated a concern of safety in our neighborhood, and we talked about getting dead bolts months ago but he did not seem concerned. Should I buy a new lock with a key for us both and install it?

yes, you should.

perhaps he's having an attack of common sense.

FeralWitch · 29/09/2022 18:16

Oh bugger, I’ll read the whole thread next time.

Original poster
Needanswers1 · 29/09/2022 18:17

Yes a foot injury. Severe in the beginning, I totally get being immobile and concerned about mobility for defense. But he didn't lock the door then....never even brought it up. He is much more mobile now

OP posts:
Original poster
Needanswers1 · 29/09/2022 18:18

Any suggestions on going forward? Should I pursue discussion or just write it off as possible porn (really not a big deal with me but I do think he would probably hide it) ? I really am thinking I should just buy a new door knob with 2 keys and I can even install it myself...

OP posts:
RIPQueen · 29/09/2022 18:18

Needanswers1 · 29/09/2022 18:01

No I didn't yell, in fact I was truly confused...Since buying this home we have NEVER locked the door - we don't even have a key to it (or at least I don't). I was shocked because I have been home alone many times and he never recommended I lock the door. Behavior was so unusual and so was his response. Porn I don't mind, but why lie about it?? He is always accusing me of something though, even put gps on my car then lied about doing it.

Ok I change my vote to affair

tinx · 29/09/2022 18:19

@Needanswers1 watching porn

RIPQueen · 29/09/2022 18:19

1994girl · 29/09/2022 18:05

I always lock the door. Stop being paranoid ffs

can you not see the difference between you alwyas having done something and someone just randomly starting a behaviour after years of doing something else? Really?

MoltenLasagne · 29/09/2022 18:19

I hope your guns are in a proper gun safe if you're leaving the door unlocked!

Also think it sounds suspicious btw.

mountainsunsets · 29/09/2022 18:19

Needanswers1 · 29/09/2022 18:18

Any suggestions on going forward? Should I pursue discussion or just write it off as possible porn (really not a big deal with me but I do think he would probably hide it) ? I really am thinking I should just buy a new door knob with 2 keys and I can even install it myself...

Err, leave him?

He installed a GPS on your car without telling you and you seem to think it's totally normal.

FromageRouge · 29/09/2022 18:20

Needanswers1 · 29/09/2022 18:17

Yes a foot injury. Severe in the beginning, I totally get being immobile and concerned about mobility for defense. But he didn't lock the door then....never even brought it up. He is much more mobile now

Maybe he’s getting depressed? Could be just that or depression plus a secret habit? It’s almost impossible to guess.

Start by sorting yourself out a key, anyway.

ratspeaker · 29/09/2022 18:22

Perhaps he’s not willing to say he feels vulnerable leaving doors unlocked.

I know of 2 families that have had strangers walk in through unlocked doors. It was quite upsetting. True we’re in a city but a friendly suburb

Spare a thought for the poor wee girl abducted and killed in Rothesay, on the Scottish Island of Bute, the killer entered through an unlocked door and took her from her bed

WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps · 29/09/2022 18:23

Needanswers1 · 29/09/2022 18:07

Love was it a wrist injury! Thank you for making me laugh... I just can't shake it - he has owned this house forever, all the neighbors know and look out for each other. He works in a prison is very well versed in self defense and keeps several guns in the house. I could see safety if he had been doing this for a while and also recommended it to me. If he's so concerned about his safety, why not about mine????

😬😑😧

Beepbeepenergy · 29/09/2022 18:26

Your always gunna av mixed views from people on here…
none of us really know what he’s doing and why he’s locking doors but guess is he is self pleasuring or asleep in which I would want the door locked too

KettrickenSmiled · 29/09/2022 18:31

OP I was about to scold you for being suspicious & not trying to understand him - imagining that perhaps he's become depressed or anxious being cooped up for 3 months with an injury ... but given your updates, I'm amazed at how blase you are.

He works in a prison is very well versed in self defense and keeps several guns in the house. I could see safety if he had been doing this for a while and also recommended it to me. If he's so concerned about his safety, why not about mine????
What are his guns for - clays? Birds? Rough shooting?
Or does he just ...like guns?
I'm not sure I like the sound of a prison worker who loves guns, but clearly YMMV as you also tolerate porn ...

I was shocked because I have been home alone many times and he never recommended I lock the door. Behavior was so unusual and so was his response. Porn I don't mind, but why lie about it?? He is always accusing me of something though, even put gps on my car then lied about doing it.
Talk about burying the lede!
He TRACKED YOU WITHOUT YOUR CONSENT, lied about it ... but you chose to stay, & now have more of a problem with an uncharacteristically locked door than the controlling behaviour of a gun-toting liar?

Tell us more about his good points?

WingBingo · 29/09/2022 18:31

Well you say he’s never done it before, but it could be that you’ve never interrupted his me time before.

KettrickenSmiled · 29/09/2022 18:34

Oh yes, big yell - told me to SHUT the UP it was not a big deal.....
Gawd he just sounds worse with every update.
How much of a habit does he make of yelling & swearing at you?

You know there are millions of nice men out there who don't secretly track you, lie to you & yell at you don't you OP?

PortalooSunset · 29/09/2022 18:35

Needanswers1 · 29/09/2022 18:17

Yes a foot injury. Severe in the beginning, I totally get being immobile and concerned about mobility for defense. But he didn't lock the door then....never even brought it up. He is much more mobile now

How do you know he didn't lock the door then? Maybe he just unlocked it before he expected you back and didn't today?
Maybe he's feeling vulnerable/insecure and didn't want to admit to that so got defensive hence the shouting.

SkankingWombat · 29/09/2022 18:36

He's got the whole day alone at home to watch porn and wank to his heart's content. Surely if that's what he wanted to do he would just make sure he was all (ahem!) finished up half an hour before OP was home?
It is suspicious AF even without his massive overreaction. Without some serious detective work I'm not sure how you'd find out what was going on though 😕 (guessing it is highly unlikely you have a Ring doorbell, CCTV etc if you don't even lock the doors?)

NotJustAnybody · 29/09/2022 18:36

My doors lock themselves so I don't have to worry about it. You need a key to open the door from the outside.
If they were not self-locking and one of us had decided it's better to lock the doors when home alone, then there would have been a conversation about it. Simple.

He could have just said, 'sorry, I've taken to locking the door when I'm alone' - not yell at you. He's guilty of something OP.

Bubbles222 · 29/09/2022 18:37

TheVanguardSix · 29/09/2022 17:56

Welcome to life with a porn hubber. It gets worse.
Get him back out to work asap, OP.
Men out of work go feral.

Oh god I can so relate to this comment 😂🫣

CombatBarbie · 29/09/2022 18:39

Needanswers1 · 29/09/2022 18:01

No I didn't yell, in fact I was truly confused...Since buying this home we have NEVER locked the door - we don't even have a key to it (or at least I don't). I was shocked because I have been home alone many times and he never recommended I lock the door. Behavior was so unusual and so was his response. Porn I don't mind, but why lie about it?? He is always accusing me of something though, even put gps on my car then lied about doing it.

OK now this is concerning. My gut reaction is that someone else was in the house. The GPS is to check when you'll be home.

But....... It could easily be him feeling vulnerable, but then again why after 3 months of this injury?

Somethings off OP.....

CombatBarbie · 29/09/2022 18:40

And I live rurally too..... I never lock the doors. Or the cars.

Jedsnewstar · 29/09/2022 18:41

Diablocircus · 29/09/2022 17:24

I started locking mine after the postman accidentally lent on the handle and the door opened, gave us both a fright 😂

but with all the home deliveries now people don’t take much notice of strangers on your property so probably best to keep the doors locked.

My sister postie used to try doors rather than knock if there was a big parcel. Gave me a fright. My sis didn’t see it as a big deal and was just like ‘oh yeah he always does that’.

Snowberry3 · 29/09/2022 18:49

I would be silently coming in the back door to see what's going on - is he friends with the neighbours?

Baxdream · 29/09/2022 18:49

Could this be mental health related. At work he spends all day locking and unlocking doors so his home he has always left unlocked. He probably does this to switch off from work.

Suddenly he's not locking doors anymore due to his injury. He misses work and is struggling with being off so locking doors gives him pleasure due to being off work.

I say this having had meetings in prisons on many occasions and watching the staff lock and unlocking all day blows my mind.