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AIBU?

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Original poster

Husband has started locking doors while i'm at work & we NEVER lock the doors

135 replies

Needanswers1 · 29/09/2022 17:14

My husband has been off work for 3 months due to an injury. We live in the country and never lock our doors. For the first time in over 5 years I came home early from work to find the front door locked! It also took a while for my husband to answer the door. When I questioned him he first said he was worried about safety (he never has when I'm home alone and never told me to lock the door) then he yelled at me to shut up and got very defensive. Am I being unreasonable or is he up to something?

OP posts:
WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps · 29/09/2022 18:04

Needanswers1 · 29/09/2022 18:01

No I didn't yell, in fact I was truly confused...Since buying this home we have NEVER locked the door - we don't even have a key to it (or at least I don't). I was shocked because I have been home alone many times and he never recommended I lock the door. Behavior was so unusual and so was his response. Porn I don't mind, but why lie about it?? He is always accusing me of something though, even put gps on my car then lied about doing it.

😬

Diyextension · 29/09/2022 18:04

What’s weird here is you have never locked your door !!!!!! Who does that ?

mountainsunsets · 29/09/2022 18:05

Needanswers1 · 29/09/2022 18:01

No I didn't yell, in fact I was truly confused...Since buying this home we have NEVER locked the door - we don't even have a key to it (or at least I don't). I was shocked because I have been home alone many times and he never recommended I lock the door. Behavior was so unusual and so was his response. Porn I don't mind, but why lie about it?? He is always accusing me of something though, even put gps on my car then lied about doing it.

And you're still with him...why?!

Lunificent · 29/09/2022 18:05

I don’t like to sound of him based on your last message.

1994girl · 29/09/2022 18:05

I always lock the door. Stop being paranoid ffs

Acrasia · 29/09/2022 18:06

What is his mental health like? I had a breakdown about 15 years ago and, in particular, I got extremely paranoid about the safety of my home.

A lot of my behaviour was masked to when I was alone, therefore if I was your husband I would probably usually unlock the door before you got home, and you coming home early would spook me because I wouldn’t have had warning it was you, and therefore it would have taken you making yourself known to me before I would have answered the door. I would have also been too embarrassed to explain what was going on.

So yes, the change of behaviour is concerning, but not necessarily because he was up to anything.

FromageRouge · 29/09/2022 18:06

I broke my back a few years ago, and my fearlessness varied in direct correlation to my mobility. It’s an awareness of his own comparative frailty kicking in.

It surprised me. I’d never been worried about being attacked or invaded before but impairment makes you realise how much your (potential) ability to run or fight informs your attitude to risk.

Psm92 · 29/09/2022 18:06

He yelled at you? Like, actually YELLED? Is that normal for him?

Original poster
Needanswers1 · 29/09/2022 18:07

Love was it a wrist injury! Thank you for making me laugh... I just can't shake it - he has owned this house forever, all the neighbors know and look out for each other. He works in a prison is very well versed in self defense and keeps several guns in the house. I could see safety if he had been doing this for a while and also recommended it to me. If he's so concerned about his safety, why not about mine????

OP posts:
JacquelineCarlyle · 29/09/2022 18:08

Your more recent updates make this (& him) sound sinister Op. I'd say trust your instincts, whatever they're telling you.

BobDear · 29/09/2022 18:08

What do you mean he put a GPS on your car and lied about it? He was secretly tracking you? Now he is locking doors and yelling at you?

Don't like that at all.

Original poster
Needanswers1 · 29/09/2022 18:08

Oh yes, big yell - told me to SHUT the UP it was not a big deal.....

OP posts:
AllThatFancyPaintsAsFair · 29/09/2022 18:09

user1471517095 · 29/09/2022 17:45

We always keep the door locked when we're in the house. I don't think it's odd at all. Perhaps he's been reading about crime in the area.

That's a totally different situation, not comparable at all

Like the OP I live fairly rurally and my house is never locked if someone is in and if anyone found a locked door during the day they would wonder exactly the same

Maybe youu can't understand iti it's not your norm bu I can totally see why @Needanswers1 is wondering

Againstmachine · 29/09/2022 18:09

Fair enough if you have never locked your door, however you should lock your door, your house insurance will be invalid as it sounds you don't even lock when out as you don't have a key.

BobDear · 29/09/2022 18:10

Tracking you
Denying it
Locking Doors
Yelling
And now guns?

Fucking hell. Not a lighthearted wank-thread after all

ithoughtisawapuddycat · 29/09/2022 18:11

I can't go over the fact you never lock your door. What about when you both leave the house together?

Unless you live up the top of a mountain surely there is still a risk. Our doors stay locked 24/7 unless we're walking through them.

Original poster
Needanswers1 · 29/09/2022 18:11

That is a good point. Injury is a torn achilles, but he is pretty mobile now and definitely not incapacitated. He has never indicated a concern of safety in our neighborhood, and we talked about getting dead bolts months ago but he did not seem concerned. Should I buy a new lock with a key for us both and install it?

OP posts:
greektreacle · 29/09/2022 18:12

So it's a foot injury?

mountainsunsets · 29/09/2022 18:13

Needanswers1 · 29/09/2022 18:07

Love was it a wrist injury! Thank you for making me laugh... I just can't shake it - he has owned this house forever, all the neighbors know and look out for each other. He works in a prison is very well versed in self defense and keeps several guns in the house. I could see safety if he had been doing this for a while and also recommended it to me. If he's so concerned about his safety, why not about mine????

He sounds paranoid and potentially dangerous.

JudgeJ · 29/09/2022 18:13

I've started keeping the door locked since my OH died, I wonder what I'm up to??????

JacquelineCarlyle · 29/09/2022 18:14

You absolutely should have a key!

DrDetriment · 29/09/2022 18:14

You keep guns in the house and don't lock the door? Wow. You need to sort a few things out OP. Just get a key for your house.

Flangelasashes · 29/09/2022 18:14

Needanswers1 · 29/09/2022 18:07

Love was it a wrist injury! Thank you for making me laugh... I just can't shake it - he has owned this house forever, all the neighbors know and look out for each other. He works in a prison is very well versed in self defense and keeps several guns in the house. I could see safety if he had been doing this for a while and also recommended it to me. If he's so concerned about his safety, why not about mine????

Fair play for taking it in the manner it was meant. I do think that the sudden locking of the door, being off work with time on his hands and the length of time it took for him to open the door, it was porn. probably mortified he was caught in the act and got all defensive.

Original poster
Needanswers1 · 29/09/2022 18:15

Yes in today's world it seems stupid to not lock the door but in a rural area with neighbors that watch out for each other it's really never been something we've worried about. Probably not smart and time to change it but I would think that would be a discussion, not just locking the door knowing I don't have a key???

OP posts:
FeralWitch · 29/09/2022 18:15

Was it a wrist injury, OP?

Wink
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