Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend organised to meet up today ....no show,no explanation aibu?

86 replies

chestofdrawsss · 29/09/2022 12:56

I have a friend we have been friends for years but she is flaky and doesn't keep plans.
We hardly see each other because she just wants to stay home.
I've actually posted about her before
She has a online boyfriend in America and stays up all night texting /chatting to him and sleeps during the day.
A month ago she questioned why we never go out anymore (because she makes plans and doesn't follow through and never suggests anything )
So obviously I get on with my own life and do things.
She sent messages "don't you like me ? Why don't you want to socialise "
I said I did and the balls in her court too.

So we organised two weeks ago to meet today.
I seen her in the local shop other day and asked if she was still up for it
Her response "all being well"
Today comes I text her at 9 am no response
Last seen on WhatsApp at 5 am (so she's been up all night again )
Anyway no reply etc
Aibu to be annoyed here?
You know you have plans? She doesn't give a shit does she.
She has no kids or job so can't blame those commitments for her flakeyness
Aibu ?

OP posts:
Raidtheice · 29/09/2022 12:57

YANBU. Block her and move on from the friendship.

StoppinBy · 29/09/2022 12:58

Be honest with her, tell her bluntly that this is why you don't see her anymore.

FinallyHere · 29/09/2022 13:00

StoppinBy · 29/09/2022 12:58

Be honest with her, tell her bluntly that this is why you don't see her anymore.

This.

Next time she asks why you never meet up, remind her that she didn't show up last time and gave you no warning. Or the times before that.

FluffySocksAndHotChocolate · 29/09/2022 13:04

You've posted so much about her, just drop her op otherwise it's a case of more fool you for allowing it constantly.

Bestcatmum · 29/09/2022 13:05

I had that, friends arranged to come over for sunday lunch, no show, non contactable, no apologies. I was furious, I'd spent hours cooking.

LuckyLil · 29/09/2022 13:06

You have to tell her as above that this is the reason you don't see her anymore and also tell her you won't be meeting her again either.

Original poster
chestofdrawsss · 29/09/2022 13:34

I'm going to tell her when she eventually texts.
She will say either "sorry I had a bad night"
"I've been up all night Ill"
When in reality ...she just can't be bothered and has been In bed.

OP posts:
sqirrelfriends · 29/09/2022 13:49

She sounds like a car crash who needs to get her life in order.

TooHotToTangoToo · 29/09/2022 13:50

Text her that back if she responds.

'In reality you just couldn't be bothered, it takes 30 seconds to text someone. This is why we don't meet up'

MatildaTheCat · 29/09/2022 13:52

chestofdrawsss · 29/09/2022 13:34

I'm going to tell her when she eventually texts.
She will say either "sorry I had a bad night"
"I've been up all night Ill"
When in reality ...she just can't be bothered and has been In bed.

So why bother? Just tell her you’re done with her behaviour or block her without saying anything.

Fraaahnces · 29/09/2022 13:53

Just tell her that you won’t be making any plans with someone who doesn’t believe that your time is as valuable as hers.

Hopefullysoon2022 · 29/09/2022 13:54

Text her now while it's fresh
And then block.
Life's to short for people messing you around

Baldieheid · 29/09/2022 13:56

She's showing you quite clearly that her priorities don't include you. If you still want to meet up, do it with other friends and tell her where and when. If and when she doesn't show, you're not left hanging, just go enjoy your day out without her. She's relying on you being available when it suits her, so just don't be.

cstaff · 29/09/2022 13:58

Whenever she decides to make contact just text back - "and you wonder why I don't make arrangements to meet with you". Leave it at that and see what she has to say for herself. That is really shitty behaviour and I couldn't be dealing.

MarinoRoyale · 29/09/2022 14:00

I’d take the initiative now, text her and then block. Something along the lines of “This isn’t the first time you’ve stood me up without explanation when we’ve had plans but it will be the last. Please don’t contact me to arrange another meet up as I won’t prioritise someone who thinks that’s how you treat people”.

YumYummy · 29/09/2022 14:03

She is too flaky, just block her.

Original poster
chestofdrawsss · 29/09/2022 14:08

So she's literally text
"Omg so sorry I've had my wifi off,eeeee sorry,I totally forgot"

So obviously I know she's just woke up
Text back saying "oh no problem just text when your ready I'm still at home "

For her then to reply
"Tbh tomorrow would be better or any other day"
(Now if she was genuine and she knew she let me down ,you would quickly get ready and meet me )
I told her I'm at work tomorrow and no worries

OP posts:
EleanorRavenclaw · 29/09/2022 14:11

Why on earth did you say no worries? You’ve let her get away with it. Again.

Palmtree9 · 29/09/2022 14:14

chestofdrawsss · 29/09/2022 14:08

So she's literally text
"Omg so sorry I've had my wifi off,eeeee sorry,I totally forgot"

So obviously I know she's just woke up
Text back saying "oh no problem just text when your ready I'm still at home "

For her then to reply
"Tbh tomorrow would be better or any other day"
(Now if she was genuine and she knew she let me down ,you would quickly get ready and meet me )
I told her I'm at work tomorrow and no worries

You're literally allowing this behaviour by just saying 'no worries'. Sorry OP, but she'll continue to do this if you don't tell her you're frustrated

Keroppi · 29/09/2022 14:16

Text back saying "oh no problem just text when your ready I'm still at home "

Erm, why? Are you both teenagers? Use your backbone! Otherwise you will go on resenting her and not saying anything.

"FlakyFriend, I'm feeling pretty disappointed and annoyed right now. You initated a conversation weeks ago asking why we don't socialise as much anymore and then we organised and agreed together to meet today. I made time for you. We even confirmed plans only a few days ago, now you have blown me off and are trying to reschedule me last minute. Sorry, that doesn't work for me - perhaps we can grab a coffee some other time when we bump into each other :)"

WhatNoRaisins · 29/09/2022 14:17

I mean you either want things to change or you don't.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 29/09/2022 14:18

EleanorRavenclaw · 29/09/2022 14:11

Why on earth did you say no worries? You’ve let her get away with it. Again.

Sorry OP, I have to agree.
Also when you reminded her and asked her she laid the groundwork to not turn up by replying "all being well" ie ready made excuse if something wasn't well such as up all night or wifi off.
I think you should reply.. think how I felt when having asked me repeatedly to meet up, you leave me sitting waiting on my own at the cafe, with no text from you and unable to contact you too. I don't treat you like that. In addition, I told you I could still re arrange and meet you this morning and you've replied tomorrow would be better or any other day - so it really does sound like you'd already decided not to meet me today at all.

And leave it at that. If you keep saying no worries. She won't worry. She doesn't care about your time or availability or keeping you waiting around without even the courtesy of a cancellation text. She sounds utterly tiresome, but as long as you keep reassuring her that its ok to mess you about in this way she will.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 29/09/2022 14:22

WhatNoRaisins · 29/09/2022 14:17

I mean you either want things to change or you don't.

This. And there is nothing wrong with saying that she's hurt your feelings either. Its not emotional. Its a fact.
She didn't even explain why she had her wifi off for heavens sake and that's no excuse anyway. Doesn't she write things down or put reminders on her phone.

Original poster
chestofdrawsss · 29/09/2022 14:22

I said no worries because she has a bad temper and rather than put up with that I just won't meet her ever again
I would rather that than the things she's capable of if she is angry with someone

OP posts:
Original poster
chestofdrawsss · 29/09/2022 14:23

Thing is there was 2 ticks on WhatsApp
If her wifi was off there would only be one

OP posts: