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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend organised to meet up today ....no show,no explanation aibu?

86 replies

chestofdrawsss · 29/09/2022 12:56

I have a friend we have been friends for years but she is flaky and doesn't keep plans.
We hardly see each other because she just wants to stay home.
I've actually posted about her before
She has a online boyfriend in America and stays up all night texting /chatting to him and sleeps during the day.
A month ago she questioned why we never go out anymore (because she makes plans and doesn't follow through and never suggests anything )
So obviously I get on with my own life and do things.
She sent messages "don't you like me ? Why don't you want to socialise "
I said I did and the balls in her court too.

So we organised two weeks ago to meet today.
I seen her in the local shop other day and asked if she was still up for it
Her response "all being well"
Today comes I text her at 9 am no response
Last seen on WhatsApp at 5 am (so she's been up all night again )
Anyway no reply etc
Aibu to be annoyed here?
You know you have plans? She doesn't give a shit does she.
She has no kids or job so can't blame those commitments for her flakeyness
Aibu ?

OP posts:
Hitchhikingghosts · 29/09/2022 17:43

I said no worries because she has a bad temper

So make sure your temper is even worse then.

CantFindTheBeat · 29/09/2022 17:55

Hitchhikingghosts · 29/09/2022 17:43

I said no worries because she has a bad temper

So make sure your temper is even worse then.

This is really bad advice.

OP, your 'no worries' is absolutely fine.
You have no aim to make plans or meet up again.

You can take the high ground and get on with your life. Next time she messages, you can say then 'no thanks, it doesn't work so best leave it'.

People advising you to 'call her out' today are hoping for some excitement via you.

dworky · 29/09/2022 18:29

Sounds awfully lke social anxiety.

WonderingWanda · 29/09/2022 18:32

She sounds useless op. I did actually forget to meet a friend the other day but that isn't usual for me and I was very apologetic with flowers etc, my friend understood but if I startrd doing it all the time then I would expect to lose a friend. It's really rude. Your friend sounds like she's had her second chance!

Wishihadanalgorithm · 29/09/2022 18:33

I had a friend stand me up. When I spoke to her I also said no worries. Then blocked. I have never spoken to her since. As far as I was concerned she didn’t deserve an explanation why I moved out of her life.

girlmom21 · 29/09/2022 18:55

@Anamechangeisasgoodasarest the last paragraph was pure nasty

Original poster
chestofdrawsss · 30/09/2022 14:05

When we fell out a few years ago I had a person report me for benefit fraud (not true ) said I was living with partner and claiming 25% single person discount
Also someone kept putting dog 💩 on my front door (think it was her friend ) as he lived a few doors down.
The list goes on

OP posts:
WhatNoRaisins · 30/09/2022 14:06

Do you have other friends OP? Honestly life is too short to associate with people that behave like this

TheOrigRights · 30/09/2022 14:10

You say she doesn't work, and she doesn't seem to have any responsibilities, so how does she earn a living? Is she unable to work? If so, this might give a broader picture as to why she treats her 'friends' so badly.

wildseas · 30/09/2022 14:17

I have a friend who is like this about meeting up.

In her case it’s caused by mental health issues. I’ve known her my whole life so still meet, but I do put things into place so it impacts less on me if she doesn’t show.

For example I’ll meet at the shops or a walk or cafe I like, because I would enjoy anyway, but rarely commit to things I wouldn’t happily do on my own unless there are others meeting too.

newer friends she only seems to manage to keep for a year or two and then they fade away, probably for this reason

Brefugee · 30/09/2022 14:33

you can do one of two things.
If she says "let's meet up" tell her to arrange it and then file and forget, because she won't
Or
You can arrange something so that if she doesn't turn up you can still do whatever it is without her, so make sure it's something you like doing.

She sounds toxic tho.

My anxiety does this to me. I am that friend.

That is not being a friend. At the least if you are going to wake up and sack me off because you can't be bothered don't feel up to it i would expect you to text me that. Immediately. But frankly? i wouldn't be making any special efforts to see you. Harsh but true.

Original poster
chestofdrawsss · 30/09/2022 15:05

Yeah I have lots of friends/live in partner now etc
So I'm happy and that's what she doesn't like and that's why she questions why I never meet up with her anymore

OP posts:
Original poster
chestofdrawsss · 30/09/2022 15:06

She doesn't work no,she gets benefits
Haven't asked what and why for as it's not my place to ask those questions

OP posts:
iRun2eatCake · 30/09/2022 15:14

You've posted about her before.... for the same issues.

Thepeopleversuswork · 30/09/2022 15:39

Just stop contacting her and move on. She very clearly can't make any effort. You should have twigged this a while ago.

SalesMum · 30/09/2022 15:42

Ask her are you depressed, do you need some help? This behaviour isn't normal

But as pp said she's an adult she's let you down

I would step away from her for your own sanity too

Pixiedust1234 · 30/09/2022 15:59

I'm confused as to why no WiFi meant she didn't meet up. I wonder what we used to do before computers and Internet and wifi 🤔

If you are really worried about her anger then next time she asks to meet up just kep saying awwwww, I have to work then maybe next time! Keep repeating until she stops asking.

Noteverybodylives · 30/09/2022 16:37

Why do you keep putting yourself through this!

Just block and move on.

Kissingfrogs25 · 30/09/2022 16:49

You don't need to prod the bear, just make no further plans and be permanently busy from now on, she sounds foul.

WhatNoRaisins · 30/09/2022 16:55

At the risk of sounding judgemental here normal functional people who live good lives don't associate with people that behave like her unless it's unavoidable. Have you never heard the saying "if you like down with dogs you'll rise with fleas"?

Workweeker · 30/09/2022 16:58

send her a message: We had plans and you stood me up. This is why I don't make plans with you and I won't be making plans with you again.

LuckyLil · 30/09/2022 17:05

What on earth makes you think this woman is your friend? You're going to have to toughen up and just get rid of her.

Butterflymosaic · 30/09/2022 18:05

No job, no kids. Can’t keep a small commitment. Yeah she doesn’t sound like a ‘friend’ I would want in my life! What a waste of your energy 🤷🏻‍♀️ Do you like the drama and having someone to complain about? If not, get rid.

LIZS · 30/09/2022 18:08

You don't need her "friendship". She sounds insecure and self centred. Wait for her to contact you.

Butterflymosaic · 30/09/2022 18:09

I just RtFt … “no worries!?’

what the actual…. Why did you post if you don’t want to deal with it 🤦🏻‍♀️ It isn’t no worries. She’s fucked your about again and wasted your day off!!