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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend organised to meet up today ....no show,no explanation aibu?

86 replies

chestofdrawsss · 29/09/2022 12:56

I have a friend we have been friends for years but she is flaky and doesn't keep plans.
We hardly see each other because she just wants to stay home.
I've actually posted about her before
She has a online boyfriend in America and stays up all night texting /chatting to him and sleeps during the day.
A month ago she questioned why we never go out anymore (because she makes plans and doesn't follow through and never suggests anything )
So obviously I get on with my own life and do things.
She sent messages "don't you like me ? Why don't you want to socialise "
I said I did and the balls in her court too.

So we organised two weeks ago to meet today.
I seen her in the local shop other day and asked if she was still up for it
Her response "all being well"
Today comes I text her at 9 am no response
Last seen on WhatsApp at 5 am (so she's been up all night again )
Anyway no reply etc
Aibu to be annoyed here?
You know you have plans? She doesn't give a shit does she.
She has no kids or job so can't blame those commitments for her flakeyness
Aibu ?

OP posts:
WhatNoRaisins · 29/09/2022 14:25

Does she have any good points because you sound almost scared of her?

pinkpotatoez · 29/09/2022 14:27

Her whole life seems a mess. She's living like a teenager on a gap year. Just tell her you're not going to make any more plans with her till she can commit because your time is valuable and then don't contact her again.

JimTheShit · 29/09/2022 14:28

Hope your friend never moves to the US. Unlike here the taxpayer won't fund her lazy lifestyle there.

I wouldn't be making further plans with her.

Johnnysgirl · 29/09/2022 14:30

chestofdrawsss · 29/09/2022 14:22

I said no worries because she has a bad temper and rather than put up with that I just won't meet her ever again
I would rather that than the things she's capable of if she is angry with someone

Confused Why were you friends in the first place?
CustardGoodJamGoodMeatGood · 29/09/2022 14:33

I don't understand the point of this post if your reply is 'no worries'. Not sure what you're expecting anyone to say, you know she is BU but allow it anyway

Keroppi · 29/09/2022 14:33

Ok, and when she messages again asking to meet up or guilt tripping you asking you why you dont like her what will you say? "Oh no worries you plan it" knowing full well she is wasting your mental and physical energy. Bad temper or not you still need to exercise your boundaries otherwise she will be hanging onto you forever. She's hardly that dangerous if she never leaves the house.

"FlakyAggressiveFriend, that doesn't work for me. I took time off specifically for today as we agreed and confirmed plans. It's disappointing that you haven't respected our plans or time together. Have a good rest of your week."

You can be polite but respectful. Just fade her out? When she asks to meet just say sorry, really very busy right now. If you really want to be a mug and still meet her then do as PP suggested and say "Hey, I'm running errands in your area soon. Will be there for the next two hours. Fancy a coffee?"

Mouk · 29/09/2022 14:35

Incredibly rude of her.

Block and move on. She's not a true friend.

Itsbadbitchoclockyeahitsthickthirty · 29/09/2022 14:36

I know this is no excuse and behaviour like hers is annoying as hell but just so you have a potential explanation…

My anxiety does this to me. I am that friend. I constantly feel FOMO when my friends hang out without me or when I haven’t seen anyone in a while, it makes me unbelievably depressed and I feel like everyone hates me. So I plan something when I’m in a good mood, then I wake up and it’s like I’d rather die than leave the house or speak to anyone, honestly. Oh and btw, I’m wayyyy too embarrassed to explain it to my own friends so they have no idea.

NOT saying you should therefore put up with it - feel free to dump her as a friend. I totally understand why people would/do dump me. But just in case you’re wondering whether there’s an explanation that isn’t just her being a bitch for no reason, it might be that.

BMW6 · 29/09/2022 14:38

You're so afraid of her temper you cant pull her up for mucking you about again?

So she can do whatever she likes and you just simper "No worries"?

Fuck that. Don't whinge on here again and again about her when you haven't any backbone at all 🙄

Floomobal · 29/09/2022 14:42

chestofdrawsss · 29/09/2022 14:22

I said no worries because she has a bad temper and rather than put up with that I just won't meet her ever again
I would rather that than the things she's capable of if she is angry with someone

Are you both about 12?

Its so weird to just pander to peoples bad behaviour. And so weird that you keep going back for more.

Thatboymum · 29/09/2022 14:43

Her life sounds absolutely miserable is she actually ok ? That’s not normal behaviour at all I would be so concerned if any of my friends did this for a prolonged period

ilovesooty · 29/09/2022 14:46

For fuck's sake. Get a backbone, tell her you're dropping her and why then block her.

Hopefullysoon2022 · 29/09/2022 14:53

chestofdrawsss · 29/09/2022 14:22

I said no worries because she has a bad temper and rather than put up with that I just won't meet her ever again
I would rather that than the things she's capable of if she is angry with someone

Ah so you are afraid of her.
Bite the bullet and block then.

Hitchhikingghosts · 29/09/2022 14:57

Why do you even post here when you’ve already decided to be a limp doormat?
I mean, ’no worries’?

And does your ’friend’ not work?

Legoandloldolls · 29/09/2022 15:19

You need to think about if you want this again. Do you want a next time?

You could bat it all back. Ignore her then say your WiFi was off but you need to distance yourself from her. She sounds horrendous with zero redeeming traits.

Or accept that your a plan b for her if nothing better comes up. If your happy to be plan b then that's your role. To accept her crumbs. I had a friend who flaked 50% of the time. In the end I left her to arrange and set in my mind it wasn't going to happen anyway. Flakey was just wasting her own time by the end, arranging dates, then cancelling in the morning. I was almost just a observer to her monologue of fantasy 😄.

She did eventually turn up to one and i decided there was nothing left I liked about her anymore. Not seen her since and I don't miss her fuckery in my life

Justmuddlingalong · 29/09/2022 15:32

She's treating you like a mug, with your permission it would seem.

girlmom21 · 29/09/2022 15:34

BMW6 · 29/09/2022 14:38

You're so afraid of her temper you cant pull her up for mucking you about again?

So she can do whatever she likes and you just simper "No worries"?

Fuck that. Don't whinge on here again and again about her when you haven't any backbone at all 🙄

There's no reason to be so nasty.

Calphurnia88 · 29/09/2022 16:16

Of course YANBU being annoyed.

How invested are you in this friendship?

She doesn't sound invested from her side, so unless there are MH issues at play (e.g. depression or anxiety), I would back away and consider the friendship over.

Goosygandy · 29/09/2022 16:21

chestofdrawsss · 29/09/2022 14:22

I said no worries because she has a bad temper and rather than put up with that I just won't meet her ever again
I would rather that than the things she's capable of if she is angry with someone

What's she capable of 😮. (Sorry being nosy). You're definitely in the right to dump her. Who needs this.

I'm amazed people like this have any friends tbh!

Anamechangeisasgoodasarest · 29/09/2022 16:34

girlmom21 · 29/09/2022 15:34

There's no reason to be so nasty.

Show quote history

Not nasty at all, just true.

fdgdfgdfgdfg · 29/09/2022 16:47

Next time she asks why you never want to socialise, just tell her the truth.

Whowhatwherewhenwhynow · 29/09/2022 16:56

chestofdrawsss · 29/09/2022 14:22

I said no worries because she has a bad temper and rather than put up with that I just won't meet her ever again
I would rather that than the things she's capable of if she is angry with someone

The std sounds so concerning.
why don’t you drop her. Block her etc. I don’t see how you can have a friendship with someone you’re scared of.

Draughtycatflapreturns · 29/09/2022 17:04

chestofdrawsss · 29/09/2022 14:22

I said no worries because she has a bad temper and rather than put up with that I just won't meet her ever again
I would rather that than the things she's capable of if she is angry with someone

Girrrlll! What she gonna do from her bed? Git her a text slammin her lazy fat ass. Ain’t nobody got time for that!

LittlePet · 29/09/2022 17:09

So, she is PA, Flaky, uses temper as a manipulation tool...is she a good friend to you, or even a friend? What are you getting out of this relationship?

Saracen · 29/09/2022 17:33

"All being well" was not a commitment. That was the time for you either to accept that she might or might not turn up, or else make it clear that you expected a definite commitment on her part to meet up: "Well, I need to know for sure whether we are meeting, so if you aren't sure you can make it then I'll make other plans. Let me know when you are definitely available."

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