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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not go to this wedding do?

55 replies

Crustyjugglers · 29/09/2022 08:02

Partner and I invited to evening do of his work mate's wedding and basically, I don't want to go. Reasons are: I don't know the work mate or his wife to be, don't enjoy wedding small talk with people I don't know, can't be fecked standing about in heels all night, have feck all to wear and generally feeling quite anxious about the whole thing as I just don't do well in these situations these days (thanks menopause!). Suggested he went on his own and made a night of it (he's worked with these folk for over 20 years) and he was aghast at the suggestion! AIBU?

OP posts:
Emsypops · 29/09/2022 08:09

You are right. They are his work friends. He should go and enjoy himself without you.

butterfliedtwo · 29/09/2022 08:11

If he want to go, that's fine. You shouldn't have to.

anotherdayanotherpathlesstravelled · 29/09/2022 08:12

Would you expect him to accompany you to a wedding of one of your friends.family/colleagues though? Works both ways?

Strugglingtodomybest · 29/09/2022 08:15

I get you, my heart sinks when we get a wedding invite these days, I wouldn't want to go either. I don't think you're unreasonable to suggest not going, but my final decision, if I were you, would be made after a discussion with DH and if he really really wanted me to go then I would probably suck it up for him.

GabriellaMontez · 29/09/2022 08:15

Wear a nice top, flat boots and get a chair.

Strugglingtodomybest · 29/09/2022 08:16

And yes, no way would I wear heels!

Hotandbothereds · 29/09/2022 08:17

Can’t you just see it as a nice night out with your husband? You don’t have to wear heels if you don’t want to :)

Suprima · 29/09/2022 08:25

Sounds pretty miserable.

Get some flats and go and have a nice evening with your boyfriend

Mindymomo · 29/09/2022 08:27

In 20 years, have you never met any of his work colleagues. If my DH really wanted me to go with him I would, but I would wear what I’m comfortable in. We’ve been to various weddings that are not our thing, but we go, say hello and get something to eat, sit on our own, maybe have a little dance and leave.

Original poster
Crustyjugglers · 29/09/2022 08:35

We've been together 10 years and I have met a couple of them. They're fine, it's me that's the issue. I wouldn't be fussed if he didn't want to come to a wedding with me. In the slightest. We're not married and have no desire to be so or place any great importance on marriage which is why I'm a bit miffed he's so adamant he won't go on his own given our (mildly) anti-marriage stance!

OP posts:
SmallPrawnEnergy · 29/09/2022 08:40

Suggested he went on his own and made a night of it (he's worked with these folk for over 20 years) and he was aghast at the suggestion!
Is he more upset at going alone or missing a night out with you? Do you often go out to do things? You don’t sound like you (can’t be arsed with dressing up, anxiety etc).

Shoxfordian · 29/09/2022 08:46

It’s the sort of thing I would reasonably expect my partner to come to with me - buy flat shoes and maybe try to enjoy yourself

BadLad · 29/09/2022 08:55

If either my wife or I are invited to colleagues' weddings, we just go on our own.

Well, she does - I decline the invitation, as I'd rather not bother.

Family weddings, we'll both go if it happens.

It's a YANBU from me.

TheOrigRights · 29/09/2022 08:56

It's about compromise really. Give and take. If it means a lot to your partner for you to accompany him then it would be nice to make the effort, presuming he would do the same for you. Just because you'd be fine doing something without him there doesn't mean he has to feel the same. There must be things in your relationship that he's made a compromise.

sillysmiles · 29/09/2022 08:58

which is why I'm a bit miffed he's so adamant he won't go on his own given our (mildly) anti-marriage stance!

Maybe it isn't to do with marriage rather than a night out with friends that he'd like you to enjoy, particularly if you've been down/anxious/not going out much recently.

notanothertakeaway · 29/09/2022 08:58

If my DH was keen for me to accompany him, I'd be happy to go for his sake

Original poster
Crustyjugglers · 29/09/2022 09:01

@SmallPrawnEnergy good question. I think it's missing a night out with me. I've been out a fair bit recently but not with him. My anxiety is very cyclical along side my HRT regime so I think I need to rise above it and make the bloody effort for him.

OP posts:
mumonthehill · 29/09/2022 09:05

Honestly after the last colleague evening do wedding that we went to, I said never again! Cost a fortune, knew very few people there, evening food was awful and the party had been going on during the day and I just felt out of place. I think it is fine to say no.

Chdjdn · 29/09/2022 09:07

I kind of think these things are part of being a couple much as I’d probably prefer not to go too

Ihatethenewlook · 29/09/2022 09:11

I’d be disappointed if my partner refused to go to a wedding with me. It might be for his colleagues, but presumably at least most people will be bringing a partner or plus one. I’d be miserable going on my own. Plus it’s a free party with free food, why not take advantage of a free night out? It doesn’t always have to cost a fortune as some pp think

2pinkginsplease · 29/09/2022 09:15

I’d go and treat it as a night out to spend time with my dh and have a laugh , a drink and a dance.

I went to a full day wedding with dh during the summer where I have met the groom a handful of times and that was it, dh was a groomsman so you can imagine i was left sitting myself for he ceremony, and some of the photos.

it was an ok day, we had some small chat with people at dinner and then had a great night at the evening party,

id expect dh to come to a wedding with me.

ocadodeliveroo · 29/09/2022 09:19

I get this. DH and I have been invited to my colleagues wedding reception and I don't expect him to go. Ill go and celebrate with my colleague but I know my DH would not want to spend his time with a bunch of people he doesn't know. Same for all those work Christmas parties. I just don't get it tbh.

YumYummy · 29/09/2022 09:46

I agree with the treating it as a night out with your DH rather than it being a wedding reception. Definitely wear flats and an outfit you feel comfortable in.

Whattheactualfcku · 29/09/2022 09:51

Crustyjugglers · 29/09/2022 08:02

Partner and I invited to evening do of his work mate's wedding and basically, I don't want to go. Reasons are: I don't know the work mate or his wife to be, don't enjoy wedding small talk with people I don't know, can't be fecked standing about in heels all night, have feck all to wear and generally feeling quite anxious about the whole thing as I just don't do well in these situations these days (thanks menopause!). Suggested he went on his own and made a night of it (he's worked with these folk for over 20 years) and he was aghast at the suggestion! AIBU?

See I enjoy the chance to go out and meet people and have fun but sounds like you don’t so no point forcing yourself! Shame for your partner though if he wants you there

Original poster
Crustyjugglers · 29/09/2022 10:20

I used to be more sociable but that's definitely declined with premature menopause/kids etc which is natural. The anxiety is a pisser though. However, good folk of Mumsnet, you've granted me some perspective so I intend to woman-up, dig out some glad rags and get on JD's and coke!

OP posts:
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