Infertility has destroyed me

[hippopotato]

Hello,

Really hoping for some positive stories/words of encouragement.

I'm meant to be in a 'happy' stage of my life - moving house in a few days to a lovely house and a couple of other nice things have happened recently. However, I cannot feel happy. I feel numb and destroyed because my infertility is at the front of my mind 24/7.

I literally can't be happy with anything. I haven't laughed for so long because everytime something funny does happen I'm so quickly catapulted back into my terror that I will never be able to conceive (I have bad endometriosis and a dodgy fallopian tube).

I'm so desperate for a new start at my new home and to look forward and be excited for it. But I'm just not because all I'm bloody thinking about is will I ever get pregnant :(
Purposely chose a house with a nursery room too and it just feels like a kick in the face.

Can anybody help in any way? I just want to feel somewhat happy 😭 please

I am sorry for your pain and I really hope you manage to conceive and have a child one day 💐

I’m sorry for your pain. Are there not any treatments that can be done to give you some hope back?

Hi OP

So sorry to hear you are feeling like this.

How old are you?

Do you have a supportive partner?

Please try to think positively and think of all the options that are available to you.

Big hugs.

I've been through that fear. When my IVF didn't work I felt broken. Now my two boys are tucked up asleep in bed. Life doesn't always work out how we plan but there is always hope.

I had two years TTC and it was terrible. Then my first round of IVF worked and I had my daughter. Then I fell pregnant naturally the second time and my little girls are now four and two. It’s the not knowing that’s hard. I think if I’d known I wasn’t going to ever have children I’d have been able to be happy. It was the uncertainty I struggled with. The deal I cut with myself was that I would try IVF once and move on if it didn’t work. I’m so very glad it did. Good luck.

I understand how all consuming this can be. It was 10 years of trying naturally and ivf for me and DH.
My 13 year old adopted DS and his 11 year old adopted sister are both asleep in their rooms across the hall.
My life couldn't be more joyous and although I know that those dark days felt insurmountable, I cannot remember them now. All I feel is love and happiness.

Your pathway is yet to be trod, but there is going to be a way out of your sadness whatever form that takes

So happy for pp, whose stories turned out positive,however things don't always turn out for the best. I am older 55, and infertility destroyed me because I allowed it to . In other words I put all my eggs in one basket (excuse the pun). Keep pursuing your dreams of a baby, you're more likely to succeed than I did, but don't let other things slide ,ie, your career and friends, because if things don't work out you need those things badly , hope your baby dreams come true, but be pragmatic.💐

www.instagram.com/justbadluck.co.uk/?hl=en

How long have you been trying for?

It’s shit. So, so shit.

Don’t feel pressure to feel positive when you just don’t.

Talk to other people going through this Honestly, the women on the infertility boards here saved my life and my sanity and my sense of humour and my faith in the human condition when all of those things were hanging by a thread.<shoutout to the Mindnumbing Boredom Of Infertility massive>.

Nobody else will get it but people who are in it.

Sending so much love to you. It sucks arse.

So sorry OP.

It is so lonely :( x

Do you have any options like IVF?

Are you getting medical advice/treatment from a fertility doctor? How long have you tried for?

Don't give up. I had my twins at 47 (after a long journey)

How long have you been trying, are you having any treatments?
I had/have endo and ended up falling pregnant naturally after 5 years of trying…it sadly resulted in an emergency ectopic and I lost one tube. I was out forward to start the long process of ivf and conceived my daughter on the final cycle, all in all 9 years from starting to ttc until getting pregnant.
Depending on your age, could you push forward with treatments etc? I wish I hadn’t wasted 5 years from 30-35 waiting to see if it would happen and really pushed the doctors

It is all consuming but it will either resolve or pass at some point. It ruined my 30s to a large degree but I did eventually accept it was not to be and that it wasn't the end of the world. We moved on and have two adopted children. That's a whole other ball game but it has been fulfilling as well as blxxdy hard at times. I long since stopped worrying about being unable to conceive.

TTC is hell. Hope, is hell. I recognise your pain. Remind yourself that you have options and can be a parent one day - maybe not the way you hoped, but there is IVF, egg donation, surrogacy, adoption… Options exist.

In the meantime I suggest you redecorate the ‘nursery’ and turn it into a room
that helps you forget, like study or library or tv room.

I wish I could help.

Dodgy fallopian tubes, rubbish quality eggs and husband 7 years post vasectomy when I met him.
4 tough, but survivable icsi rounds and a donor egg later we now have the most amazing 5 year old.
My consultant, when asked if I could ever get pregnant, once replied, "miracles can happen, but a miracle it would take."
I know how hopeless it can feel, but it can work out.
Best wishes op.

Please don’t give up OP. We tried for 7 years including operations for my endo and a few months on clomid neither worked but then we had ivf and now have a 6 year old DC.
Like you I had endometriosis (Grade 4) that had blocked both my Fallopian tubes and fused them to my womb, painful lesions in my bowel and bladder and one of my ovaries was stuck behind my womb. I also had PCOS, fibroids and adenomyosis. All this made my ivf tricky but it worked. I had a hysterectomy a couple of years ago so no more children unfortunately but I have my little miracle.
Infertility is so difficult 😞 I felt like my life revolved around pregnancy tests or seeing other people get pregnant which I found so difficult. I found that when I started to talk about my infertility more people opened up with their own struggles which did help as I didn’t feel so alone. Sending you a hug 🤗

I know how you feel. Infertility is horrible. I know the feeling of being out of control, absolute misery and fear.
I send out love and support to you and everyone living with this horrible affliction.
I eventually had my children through adoption and they healed me. I hope you will find healing too either by becoming a parent or by accepting that you won't be one and finding joy in that life.

Wow thank you all so much - I never expected a response like this.

It's so sad there are so many of us. I never expected to be part of this 'club' like I expect you all also felt. To see so many who totally get it is really comforting (although obviously so sad). Xx

My friend tried for 10 years had ivf and some other stuff done and it didn’t work. She became pregnant naturally at 37. A dodgy Fallopian tube isn’t a disaster as you have two. You can even conceive with one ovary.
I do think you need CBT therapy though to change your thinking and your fixation. You can have a very happy fulfilling life regardless of having children or not.

@Missymare

Thank you - wow you really have been through a hell of a lot!! I'm very sorry that you've had to experience this but I'm very happy you got your baby.

Two of my friends have had babies this week! Then I'm also finding I'm even being affected by celebrity pregnancy announcements and even tv/film!! It's just unbelievable what infertility does to you in such a short space of time. And I do feel like I am being unreasonable (I mean nothing nasty to those getting pregnant at all but it kills me knowing my only option is likely to be ivf)! Xxxx

@Willowswave

😘 thank you.

I am grieving the thought of being able to get pregnant naturally - it could happen but I don't think the chances are that high for me.

I am waiting for further surgery and tests so I'm hoping ivf will be an option.

I will try and view the nursery room as a different room and not go in feeling crap thinking that this is all wrong. Thank you 🤍

Would you consider counselling? I was in the same situation years ago and tbh, I was angry and scared.

Angry with my body, the doctors who ignored me for years, people who had it easier etc. and scared of the future, relationships, etc.

Eventually I went to counselling and it really helped just to get everything out rather than have it constantly swimming around in my head.

I was really sceptical at the start but it really helped.

Yes, please look into counselling.

You need to process this and bring able to speak to someone who will empathise without judgement could help you so much.

Look for 'person centred counselling', it's a large branch of the profession which isn't about diagnosis or fixing you, just helping you to process your thoughts, see which ones you keep returning to and let you explore your emotions without any worry about burdening others.

I do hope you're able to feel happy again soon.

@ThirtyThreeTrees

Yes I definitely would. I do think that's what I need.

Everything you've just described is exactly how I feel... ☹️ especially being angry at your body, I'm so so angry that mine has let me down