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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

17 year old on an adult ward

131 replies

Cliff1975 · 27/09/2022 08:32

My 17 year old son has been admitted to hospital with tonsilitis. They were worried about his airway and have given hi fluids, iv antibiotics and steroids. I can't fault the care A and E were amazing. The issue is that they have put him on an adult ward so we weren't allowed to stay with him, which was fine although a bit scary for him and me. The issue is that we are only allowed to visit him for a 1 hour visit which we have to book in. As he is under 18 A and E said that on the ward we would be able to stay with him but the ward are adamant. So should we be able to visit more because of his age or AIBU|? Anyone know the rules legally as he is still a child?

OP posts:
mam0918 · 27/09/2022 16:08

RoundRainbow · 27/09/2022 11:37

Also because he’s young he’ll be the baby of the ward and everyone will look out for him, the cleaner will make sure he’s ok, the caterers will offer extra snacks at tea round, the older patients will keep an eye on him too.

Cleaners are usually the nicest and most helpful people in a hospital, they are truely the people that work there because they care about people (not for the title etc...) it doesnt even matter on age, as a fully grown adult they are still always so friendly with a 'nothings too much trouble' attitude.

steppemum · 27/09/2022 16:10

when I was 13 I had my tonsils out and was on a children's ward. In the bed next door was a 16 year old who had broken his nose playing rugby.

I felt very uncomfortable in my nightie in bed 3 foot away from him. It was pretty odd.

When dd was in for a week as a toddler, we were in Gloucester Royal. The children's ward there has a teen section with a teen hang out room. It was very cool.

mam0918 · 27/09/2022 16:13

Liila · 27/09/2022 12:23

'unfortunately most still do... hospitals here still only allow 1 parent with child or on adult wards 2 guests pre-booked for a 1 hour visit.'

I can understand allowing only 1 visitor but why for an hour only?! It's jobsworthiness without any rationale. If someone has covid it makes no difference if they are there 1 hour or 3hrs.

Op I'd ring the ward, say fine as he's on an adult ward you can't have unlimited visiting but as he is only 17 you want more than an hour. If they won't budge ring PALS, say his mental wellbeing is as important as his physical health and he needs more than 1hour visits.

I think its because here there are 4 beds to a ward and they stagger the beds vistors so:

Bed 1: 12 - 1 pm
Bed 2: 1.30 - 2.30 pm
Bed 3: 3 - 4 pm
Bed 4: 4.30 - 5.30 pm

To stop multiple visitors being in the same room at the same time. It however does NOT stop covid, we have caught it every time still but at least we are all vaxxed now.

fdgdfgdfgdfg · 27/09/2022 16:20

I was so glad to be in an adults ward at 17, having spent time in childrens wards 2 years earlier I felt much more comfortable in a room with adults than with kids half my age. So much more peaceful (as much as any ward is peaceful. Something is always beeping somewhere!)

deedledeedledum · 27/09/2022 16:21

PorkPieAndAPickledOnion · 27/09/2022 10:06

Goodness me! When I was 14, in the early 80s, I was in hospital for two nights for an op to remove impacted teeth and a bit of associated max-fac work. I was placed on an adult surgical ward and wouldn’t have expected anything else. My parents dropped me off at the appointed time, came back the following morning when my op was over for the allotted visiting hour and then picked me up the next day to take me home. While on the ward I chatted to others, read a book and listened to the radio. Slept a lot after the anaesthetic. No mobiles or tv on the ward then.

What is so different about young people now?

For starters there is a massive staffing crisis so a child and 17 is still classed as a child, would be left in bed around unknown adults unsupervised. In the 80s there was proper nursing care (not the fault of nurses). We are also far more aware of predatory now in hospitals.

deedledeedledum · 27/09/2022 16:24

@CakeMonster1 OP Put yourself in the shoes of a parent with a 3 year old, would you want a 17 year old in the next bed?
Put yourself in the shoes of the parents of a 17 year old poorly girl. I wouldn't want them in a mixed ward of much older adults. I've not been in hospital much but even in the few times I have, I've come across some very unsavoury creepy older men, leering, opening curtains to take a look, lying there with their genitals on display, even knew of one friend who was subject to some pervert across the room masterbating whilst looking at her

mam0918 · 27/09/2022 16:44

deedledeedledum · 27/09/2022 16:24

@CakeMonster1 OP Put yourself in the shoes of a parent with a 3 year old, would you want a 17 year old in the next bed?
Put yourself in the shoes of the parents of a 17 year old poorly girl. I wouldn't want them in a mixed ward of much older adults. I've not been in hospital much but even in the few times I have, I've come across some very unsavoury creepy older men, leering, opening curtains to take a look, lying there with their genitals on display, even knew of one friend who was subject to some pervert across the room masterbating whilst looking at her

What on earth hospitals have you been in?

As I said I'm disabled, been in and out of hospital regularly all my life and never once been on a ward with a man... in fact the only mixed sex wards I ever have been on was the children ward.

So what your saying is as the mother of a sick 9 year old girl you would be perfectly happy with her in bed next to OP's 17 year old son instead of having that 17 year old on a suitible ward with other men?

deedledeedledum · 27/09/2022 18:10

@mam0918 a respiratory ward once several years ago and a mixed ward when I had to have a Gastro investigation. Normal big hospital. Mixed wards

deedledeedledum · 27/09/2022 18:11

@mam0918 I've done done googling and it seems it should be non mixed wards but it's very common to be mixed. They try not to but it seems to happen a lot.

maiafawnly · 27/09/2022 18:15

we try to place 17 year old in side rooms and arrange for more visiting times, but unfortunately, that isn't always possible due to bed shortages and they often end up in bays, and extra visiting cant be accommodated for. At 17 they don't need the constant supervision and with a phone or iPad to be in communication they should be fine for a few days in a hosp. as staff we also understand their anxieties and would check on them more regularly to ensure they are ok and ask if they need anything incase they don't want to ask.

However, all our wards are mixed sex, bays are one sex but you could be female in a side room directly opposite a male bay. Same sex wards are impossible in my trust.

Per1w1nkke · 27/09/2022 18:17

That’s awful op. Some really silly posts on here. My 17 year old is admitted a lot to the paediatric ward along with hoards of other mixed sex older teens. After assessment the older children are put in a different room. Paediatric wards are full of teens as they are children until 18. We visit our daughter whenever we want. So YANBU op, he is still a child and entitled to the same.

Per1w1nkke · 27/09/2022 18:18

I’d want to know why he wasn’t on paeds too.

maiafawnly · 27/09/2022 18:19

Also, in our trust, if the 16/17 year old is still in education they go to the children's wards, out of education they go to adults. Again due to bed spaces and having to make the decision somehow.

AntlerRose · 27/09/2022 18:19

I'm mid 40s and i'd want a visitor for more than an hour a day..

SayCheeseBoris · 27/09/2022 18:24

DS16 was in for a few days recently and because of his age needed a side room so he ended up having to go to an adult mixed ward! I was allowed to spend as long as I wanted with him. I know people are saying cut the umbilical cord but if your 17yo has never stayed in hospital before and isn't great at getting his point across in regards to pain relief etc then it really isn't an over reaction to want to stay with him for longer than an hour.

AdelaideRo · 27/09/2022 18:33

16-18 in my institution is a grey area.

I've seen 17yos get poor care for "adult" diseases because they have been put down the paediatric pathway and we had to get an adult surgeon to operate alongside the paediatric one and an adult anaesthetist to work with the paediatric one and I've seen the opposite - very "young" 17yo totally overwhelmed on an adult ward.

It's a difficult one to get right. Especially in a health-service without enough beds/ staff.

DaveMinion · 27/09/2022 18:42

I my hospitalcut off is 16 for paed ward too. Although legally he is a child until 18 (so would have a paediatric consent form id he had surgery for example) but physically he is adult size. I think they try to put them in side rooms so parents can stay. I work in theatres not a ward though.

isadoradancing123 · 27/09/2022 18:48

On a childrens ward he might have a baby or toddler next to him, and a mum on her phone half the night

Prescottdanni123 · 27/09/2022 19:01

A few harsh comments on here. I'm 28. I despise hospitals and would hate to only have face to face visitors for one hour per day. At my age, I'd just have to shut up and put up and I'd be able to cope but for a 17 year old it must be awful.

QuebecBagnet · 27/09/2022 19:02

When Dd was 16yo on an adult ward she was in a womens bay but a mixed ward. The men from the next bay would wander into her bay including at night. I’d previously worked on that ward as a student and remember well what it’s like. At night with minimal staff if you’re dealing with an issue in one bay anyone could leave one of the other 3 bays and go into another bay and not even be noticed. Buzzers took a long time to be answered.

i remember when I left Dd the first Evening I told her if she was worried about anything from a safety point of view and nobody answered her buzzer she was to start screaming at the top of her voice. I played it down to her and just said sometimes old people can be confused, etc but yes I was concerned about her safety on that ward. I don’t think I was being dramatic telling her that. I certainly hoped she never needed to (and she didn’t) but I wouldn’t have forgiven myself if she had been in that situation and I hadn’t given that advice. That specific ward was a gastro ward and where amongst other patients they tend to put the alcoholic patients some of whom had significant mental health issues.

Per1w1nkke · 27/09/2022 19:23

There are hoards of teens on paeds wards with mental health issues- overdoses, eating disorders etc. Police, security guards, Cahms and Crisis are regular fixtures. All those very old teens get visitors all day. There are many parents in there for most of the day who do a good job at alleviating pressure for staff.It’s far from chaos.Cutting the umbilical cord is a horrible thing to say.

ChocolateSpreadOnToast · 27/09/2022 20:32

There are hoards of teens on paeds wards with mental health issues- overdoses, eating disorders etc. Police, security guards, Cahms and Crisis are regular fixtures.

Pretty much the majority of our patients these days.

Original poster
Cliff1975 · 28/09/2022 13:08

ok so he is now home but I just wanted to update on what happened. All of the staff were amazing. He stayed on the adult ward they let me stay all day 9.30-7pm which I did quietly and without any fuss. Ys he is 17 and nearly an adult. But they are still legally children and just need a parent nearby for reassurance, no big deal.

OP posts:
Prescottdanni123 · 28/09/2022 19:39

Glad that he is home and that you were able to stay with him. I hope that the rest of his recovery goes well.

ImNotAnomie · 28/09/2022 19:47

Cliff1975 · 28/09/2022 13:08

ok so he is now home but I just wanted to update on what happened. All of the staff were amazing. He stayed on the adult ward they let me stay all day 9.30-7pm which I did quietly and without any fuss. Ys he is 17 and nearly an adult. But they are still legally children and just need a parent nearby for reassurance, no big deal.

I totally empathise.
Some nasty posters on this thread.