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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

17 year old on an adult ward

131 replies

Cliff1975 · 27/09/2022 08:32

My 17 year old son has been admitted to hospital with tonsilitis. They were worried about his airway and have given hi fluids, iv antibiotics and steroids. I can't fault the care A and E were amazing. The issue is that they have put him on an adult ward so we weren't allowed to stay with him, which was fine although a bit scary for him and me. The issue is that we are only allowed to visit him for a 1 hour visit which we have to book in. As he is under 18 A and E said that on the ward we would be able to stay with him but the ward are adamant. So should we be able to visit more because of his age or AIBU|? Anyone know the rules legally as he is still a child?

OP posts:
10HailMarys · 27/09/2022 10:30

There's a lot of people saying 'Well, my 17 year old would want me there for more than an hour a day' or 'I would want to be there with my 17 year old'. And yes, I get that. But it's a want, not a need, and it's a hospital, not a hotel. There has to be some point at which you accept that they can't always accommodate everyone's wishes. He doesn't need you there at 17 any more than he'll need you there when he turns 18.

TooMuchToDoTooLittleInclination · 27/09/2022 10:30

inheritanceshiteagain · 27/09/2022 09:48

He's 17 not 7. Why would you need to stay with him? You can call and FaceTime freely.

But that's SO inconsiderate to the other patients who really don't want to be subjected to it.

@Cliff1975 you might want to visit, but if he has headphones, pad/phone & charger, he'll be fine! He'll be home in 5 minutes.

mam0918 · 27/09/2022 10:33

I'm disabled so have been in and out of hospital regularly all my life.

Past the age of 3 I have never seen a parent stay with a kid overnight and never seen a parent stay on the ward, it was only allowed in the special family rooms which are for young children or critically ill/terminal children.

Visitation use to be a lot more open before covid so parents could stay most of the day but staying at night is wierd.

Goawaygreta · 27/09/2022 10:34

10HailMarys · 27/09/2022 10:30

There's a lot of people saying 'Well, my 17 year old would want me there for more than an hour a day' or 'I would want to be there with my 17 year old'. And yes, I get that. But it's a want, not a need, and it's a hospital, not a hotel. There has to be some point at which you accept that they can't always accommodate everyone's wishes. He doesn't need you there at 17 any more than he'll need you there when he turns 18.

I wish someone would print that off on a very large piece of paper and display it on my ward for the visitors to see.
Visiting is horrific.
To me, the OPS request is very reasonable compared to the bullshit I encounter from healthy women who want their partners there 24/7.

Dailymash · 27/09/2022 10:34

I was driving a car independently and working full time when I was 17. I’d had relationships with the opposite sex. I went on holiday abroad without my parents. I’d have been a bit embarrassed being put on a children’s ward for an operation I had at the same age.

The visiting hours are possibly from post-covid however having had a week long hospital stay on a six bed ward I would have love it if there was a strict limit to visiting hours. I was in there to recover, not be surrounded by (well meaning) family members when I just wanted to sleep and rest. The ward rooms can get packed with everyone’s visitors and it can be awful as a patient.

Sunnyqueen · 27/09/2022 10:36

He will be fine. He is 17 near enough an adult. Make sure he has got plenty to do and he can ring you if theres any issues you need to speak to the ward about.

Icanstillrecallourlastsummer · 27/09/2022 10:38

At 17 he should be able to manage to stay by himself. It's more appropriate him being on an adult ward than a 17yo in with small children. For him as well as the children I would imagine.

Blowyourowntrumpet · 27/09/2022 10:38

I've been on adult wards when I was 16. I think you're being a bit unreasonable to be honest. Hope he's better soon

ScottChegg · 27/09/2022 10:40

Whilst I understand you wanting to visit him for more than one hour, I do agree with pp that a children's ward may not be the best place for him at the age of 17.

My type 1 diabetic ds was admitted to hospital when he was 17 and was put on a children's ward. He was 6ft tall with a moustache and he was not impressed to be there to say the least. It was not geared up for someone his age (not medically, I mean everything else.)

nolongersurprised · 27/09/2022 11:01

AuntSalli · 27/09/2022 10:28

Atomically children are not just a smaller version of an adult they do require specialist paediatric care if the line says that Continues until 18 then that’s where we should be

Show quote history

A post pubertal 17 year old doesn’t require specialist paediatric services from an anatomical perspective.

Our local paediatric hospital has 15 as a bit off, I’ve worked in places where it’s 14 years, with the exception of chronically unwell children.

If his airway is an issue, it’s much safer for him to be on the ENT “home” ward, than a surgical outlier on a children’s ward.

SleepyRich · 27/09/2022 11:13

I work in healthcare and that sounds quite normal. I'm sure he'll be fine and primary concern will be making sure his can charge his phone.

Hopefully only a short stay and could well be a good life experience conversely (eye opening/seeing a side of life that often can be unaware of).

Greybeardy · 27/09/2022 11:30

What does he actually want? If he would prefer more support then it’s a reasonable request, but if he just wants to rest and not talk then it’s not such a problem.

CalmdownCampers · 27/09/2022 11:30

Age 13 I was on an adult ward and I definitely did not feel I needed my parents with me - there was another 16 year old there, we were the only two under about 30 years old - we were fine, and well looked after

Age 14 I was on a childrens ward - and found this irritating surrounded by very young children crying in the night with the parents with them. I found this tougher as barely got any sleep. Hospital school consisted of doing basic colouring in exercises etc and childrens wards really are geared more towards small kids with clowns on the walls etc

RoundRainbow · 27/09/2022 11:34

Where I work we allow 1 parent or carer of anyone under 18 to stay at all times. We can be quite lenient where I am though. If you’re young (under 30) with an acute mental health issue we let parents stay. Also dementia patients or vulnerable adults, it usually makes our job easier!

also LOL to the posters suggesting adult wards would be more peaceful 🤣

RoundRainbow · 27/09/2022 11:37

Also because he’s young he’ll be the baby of the ward and everyone will look out for him, the cleaner will make sure he’s ok, the caterers will offer extra snacks at tea round, the older patients will keep an eye on him too.

CalmdownCampers · 27/09/2022 11:41

RoundRainbow · 27/09/2022 11:34

Where I work we allow 1 parent or carer of anyone under 18 to stay at all times. We can be quite lenient where I am though. If you’re young (under 30) with an acute mental health issue we let parents stay. Also dementia patients or vulnerable adults, it usually makes our job easier!

also LOL to the posters suggesting adult wards would be more peaceful 🤣

OH that was my experience, it was much quieter. Obvious noises but nothing like babies and small children screaming all night

Glad you found that funny though.

muddyboots · 27/09/2022 11:44

It's worth remembering that he isn't in prison so HE can leave the ward at anytime to visit you in the cafe/outside for fresh air etc. As long as he is available for his antibiotics.

Quincythequince · 27/09/2022 11:46

badbaduncle · 27/09/2022 08:48

They tried to place DD17 on a mixed sex ward!!! Unbelievable. DH went berserk - we both refused to leave her. She was moved to a private room. Disgusting and appalling treatment of a female child.

Unbelievable!
Good for you for standing your ground and protecting her.

autyspauty · 27/09/2022 11:49

blimey I was out on my own at that age- I was a full grownup. paid rent, bills and lived all on my own!
seems a little old to be on a children's ward.
To be honest I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving my sick young children in a hospital ward knowing there were 17 year old boys there with them. I think that's probably the issue, safeguarding children from adults (agree its young but he is a young adult and not a child)

Quincythequince · 27/09/2022 11:50

mam0918 · 27/09/2022 10:33

I'm disabled so have been in and out of hospital regularly all my life.

Past the age of 3 I have never seen a parent stay with a kid overnight and never seen a parent stay on the ward, it was only allowed in the special family rooms which are for young children or critically ill/terminal children.

Visitation use to be a lot more open before covid so parents could stay most of the day but staying at night is wierd.

All of my children had overnight stays in hospital and every single time a parent was expected to stay.

If they are in pain or discomfort, they don’t manage it as well as an adult and it can be quite scary for them.

I stayed with mine to ensure appropriate pain relief was administered in line with the level of pain, and regularly as I often find they are very keen on expecting kids to just cope with paracetamol and ibuprofen, even with a badly broken arm.

I don’t think so.

chocolatemademefat · 27/09/2022 11:54

What 17 year old would want to be on a childrens ward? He’s growing up and you’ll have to abide by the rules. I’m sure he’ll survive without having you by his bedside.

DiorForBreakfast · 27/09/2022 11:54

My daughter was on a adult ward post surgery, she was 20 so was an adult. But she was really struggling with the atmosphere there, lots of very unwell people, some violent interludes with one woman who was being nursed one to one. Staff moved her to a side room and let me stay the night with her. Just ask!

Toddlerteaplease · 27/09/2022 11:57

In my hospital teenagers aged 16-18 get a choice if they are still in full time editing. I'm practice though. We'd rather 17 years old that are not known to us go to adult wards. As we need to get the younger ones who have to come to paediatrics In.

Lightningrain · 27/09/2022 11:58

I had surgery at 14 and remember feeling like I was too old to be on the children’s ward. I definitely wouldn’t have wanted to be there at 17.

Having said that it can feel quite lonely and scary when you’re in hospital and feeling poorly. I’ve felt this as an adult and sometimes it’s just nice to have someone sat with you to take your mind off what’s going on as much as anything. If your DS seems to be coping fine I wouldn’t make a fuss but if he’s struggling I’m sure if you put this across to the staff politely they should be able to make some adjustments.

BIL was in hospital aged early 20’s and eventually the staff told IL’s that they could visit whenever they liked as he wasn’t communicating with them when he needed something as he didn’t want to make a fuss (he could see other patients were more in need than he was).

Toddlerteaplease · 27/09/2022 11:59

But paediatric wards are much nicer. And we are an ENT ward. So airway issued not a problem. In a district general where it's a general ward you are better on a specialist ward.