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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

17 year old on an adult ward

131 replies

Cliff1975 · 27/09/2022 08:32

My 17 year old son has been admitted to hospital with tonsilitis. They were worried about his airway and have given hi fluids, iv antibiotics and steroids. I can't fault the care A and E were amazing. The issue is that they have put him on an adult ward so we weren't allowed to stay with him, which was fine although a bit scary for him and me. The issue is that we are only allowed to visit him for a 1 hour visit which we have to book in. As he is under 18 A and E said that on the ward we would be able to stay with him but the ward are adamant. So should we be able to visit more because of his age or AIBU|? Anyone know the rules legally as he is still a child?

OP posts:
JazbayGrapes · 27/09/2022 09:31

Whilst they cut out his tonsils,
ask them to cut the umbilical cord as well, mum

This^^

TheFairyCaravan · 27/09/2022 09:31

DS2 had shoulder surgery at 17. He was on an adult ward because a 6’5 grown man has no place on a children’s ward. He’d have absolutely hated being in a bed next to a 5 yo tbh.

I hope your DS is soon better.

Goawaygreta · 27/09/2022 09:35

Hymnulop · 27/09/2022 09:27

Just sit by his bed and refuse to leave. If it's anything like a maternity ward they'll just shrug and walk away, they're too busy to care much or argue. If you really want to visit more than 1 hour a day just do so, insist and moan and complain and they'll just give up arguing with you.

Or you could just accept it, keep in touch by phone and unclench a bit because he's nearly an adult and is capable.

I work in maternity and if a visitor refused to leave on my ward then I'd call security😡

However, back to OP. I feel sorry for you. Tricky age , but I think if you have to accept the adult ward, then there should be some leeway with the visiting without a doubt. I'd speak to whoever is in charge.
People take the piss on my ward, with the visiting when it's adult women who are patients.
A 17 year old is still a kid, even if he's a big kid.

TurtleSpurtle · 27/09/2022 09:43

Try again in the evening and you may get a different response, or go to your visiting time and they may let you stay over.

At 17 though, there's lots of children already living away from home and dealing with such things on their own and they manage so try to not worry. It's horrible when they are sick but it's great you have technology and can keep in contact etc.

fairgame84 · 27/09/2022 09:45

olympicsrock · 27/09/2022 08:35

If 16 or 17 …If the patient is still at school they should have housed him on a Childrens’ ward . If not at school he should have been housed on an adult ward.

the rules of the setting apply , but usually rules can be bent for special circumstances and if he is in a side room.

No. Not all hospitals have that rule. Most children's ward now take up to 15yrs and 364 days regardless of whether they are in school. They just don't have capacity to take 16-18 year old since beds have been cut to the bone. We've lost 18 paeds beds in the past year, basically a full ward.

OP lots of hospitals have compassionate visiting rules and will allow longer visits for 16-18 year olds, mine definitely does. Contact PALS and see if they will help.

inheritanceshiteagain · 27/09/2022 09:48

He's 17 not 7. Why would you need to stay with him? You can call and FaceTime freely.

Sirzy · 27/09/2022 09:49

Also from tne PoV of the parents on the childrens ward I don’t think most parents would be keen on their child being in the bed next to what is basically an adult

CatSeany · 27/09/2022 09:51

A 17 year old would go to an adult ward in our Trust too. Usually it's at the discretion of the ward sister re. visiting so other than asking I don't think there are any visiting rights as such unless your hospital has specific rules for under 18s. I empathise with you... I think I'd struggle too.

Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov · 27/09/2022 09:52

theres as many adults in most children's wards as children so I doubt many parents would have an issue with a patient being 17. Considering there could be several adults also staying overnight with their own kids.

Drivingmisspotty · 27/09/2022 09:52

I think you are getting a bit of a hard time. I had surgery at 24. I had been living independently for 6 years but it was my first GA and I wanted my mum there. I ended up first on the list and my mum hadn’t made it from her city in time and when I mentioned it to the nurse and she said ‘hmm how old are you?’ I told her what I still think now - it doesn’t really matter how old you are sometimes you do want your mum.

I think it is worth asking for some leeway OP but also I am sure your DS will be fine and manage without you there. It’s just good to have the company isn’t it especially as he is younger, probably new to hospital stays and might not know how to advocate for himself yet.

JuneOsborne · 27/09/2022 09:53

I don't think op is saying he should be on a children's ward. She's saying that only 1 hour of visiting isn't enough, because he's not actually an adult yet. My 17yo is independent and capable, but if he was I'll enough to be in hospital, he'd want me there for more than an hour a day. Heck, I'm in my mid 40s and would still like my mum if I was poorly!

Try asking the matron op. I'm sure something can be arranged. Hope he's on the mend soon.

newyearsresolurion · 27/09/2022 09:56

You want to stay in 24/7in the hospital with a 17 year old? How suffocating for him. Also best to go private

Icedlatteplease · 27/09/2022 09:59

When my sister was in For a prolonged period last year she used to come and meet us either in the garden or the coffee shop.

PorkPieAndAPickledOnion · 27/09/2022 10:06

Goodness me! When I was 14, in the early 80s, I was in hospital for two nights for an op to remove impacted teeth and a bit of associated max-fac work. I was placed on an adult surgical ward and wouldn’t have expected anything else. My parents dropped me off at the appointed time, came back the following morning when my op was over for the allotted visiting hour and then picked me up the next day to take me home. While on the ward I chatted to others, read a book and listened to the radio. Slept a lot after the anaesthetic. No mobiles or tv on the ward then.

What is so different about young people now?

CakeMonster1 · 27/09/2022 10:13

JazbayGrapes · 27/09/2022 09:31

Whilst they cut out his tonsils,
ask them to cut the umbilical cord as well, mum

This^^

Yep, gotta agree with this!

OP Put yourself in the shoes of a parent with a 3 year old, would you want a 17 year old in the next bed?

Christ at 17 I wouldn't want to be on a kids ward. Cringe!

Rover83 · 27/09/2022 10:16

I'm a children's nurse and our SOP is that you are an adult from your 16th birthday unless you are regularly seen by a paediatrician so some children with longterm health problems.

Our hospital do allow a parent to stay with under 18's although I'm not sure exactly what provisions they have. However I think the option is stay or don't stay I'm not sure if you don't stay whether they grant more visiting.

Your first step should be to speak to the ward manager and if you are still unhappy you can go through PALS and ask them to liase with the departmental matron.

Goawaygreta · 27/09/2022 10:16

JuneOsborne · 27/09/2022 09:53

I don't think op is saying he should be on a children's ward. She's saying that only 1 hour of visiting isn't enough, because he's not actually an adult yet. My 17yo is independent and capable, but if he was I'll enough to be in hospital, he'd want me there for more than an hour a day. Heck, I'm in my mid 40s and would still like my mum if I was poorly!

Try asking the matron op. I'm sure something can be arranged. Hope he's on the mend soon.

This^
As I've stated on a previous post above, i work in maternity.
The amount of adult women who are well following the birth of their child and want their unhelpful male partners stay beyond visiting is unreal and the amount of rude visitors trying to bend the rules is shocking.

Wanting to be with your poorly 17 year old for more than 1 hour a day, and them wanting their mum or dad there too, is absolutely NOT unreasonable.

neverfade · 27/09/2022 10:21

Why are you only allowed to visit for one hour? Hospitals don't still have covid restrictions in place do they?!

10HailMarys · 27/09/2022 10:22

He's 17 and he's been admitted with tonsillitis. He can manage without his mum sitting next to him all day and an adult ward is way more appropriate for his needs.

My niece was put on a children's ward at 16 after surgery and she absolutely hated it, partly because it was noisy and chaotic and full of kids constantly screaming, but also because there was zero privacy in comparison to an adult ward and younger kids tend to giggle and snigger about things like bodies and bodily functions. Plenty of kids on a children's ward aren't necessarily bed-bound and will get up and wander about, and my niece had younger kids pulling the curtain back all the time when she'd closed them for privacy to change her pyjamas or whatever, and once when the nurse was in the middle of changing her dressings.

MuchuseasaChocolateTeapot · 27/09/2022 10:23

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mam0918 · 27/09/2022 10:25

I would have been embarassed to be on a kids ward with my mam at 17, I had been living independantly for a year by then so hardly a child.

ClocksGoingBackwards · 27/09/2022 10:25

Complain to PALS

mam0918 · 27/09/2022 10:26

neverfade · 27/09/2022 10:21

Why are you only allowed to visit for one hour? Hospitals don't still have covid restrictions in place do they?!

unfortunately most still do... hospitals here still only allow 1 parent with child or on adult wards 2 guests pre-booked for a 1 hour visit.

AuntSalli · 27/09/2022 10:28

olympicsrock · 27/09/2022 08:38

To be honest at this age he is better to be on a specialist ward where they are familiar with airway issues and have the right equipment for adult airways so sounds like the right decision has been made either way.

But sounds like a bit of rule bending could be made. Surely you don’t need to stay overnight though??

Atomically children are not just a smaller version of an adult they do require specialist paediatric care if the line says that Continues until 18 then that’s where we should be

Goawaygreta · 27/09/2022 10:28

OP just want to visit a bit more than an hour a day.
Perfectly reasonable IMO for a 17 year old who is not normally away from his mum probably.