To split accommodation cost by adult not by room

[nwth73]

Going on holiday with a group of friends - have been holidaying together since uni. Some now have families. Make up of the group is:

Family 1 (2 adults, 1 baby)
Family 2 (2 adults, 1 toddler, 1 baby)
Single adult
Couple 1
Couple 2

In the past, we have always split the house cost equally amongst the adults. Couple 1 is a recent match, last year they were a single (in their own room).

House has got 6 bedrooms, 2 are interconnecting with 1 being a very small box room for the toddler of family 2 - it would not fit even a single adult.

I (for my sins as the organiser) have proposed to count the toddler as a half and then split the cost across the group. So Family 1 and each Couple pays £631, Family 2 pays £789 and single pays £316 (total cost for the week is c.£3k).

Couple 1 has come back and said the cost should be split by room since Family 2 is taking 2 rooms. Which would leave Family 1, the single adult and each Couple paying £500 and Family 2 paying £1000.

I don't think this is fair to the single adult in particular, who is paying twice as much as the other adults when in the past we've split it evenly (and couple 1 friend has benefitted from this before they became a couple).

AIBU to split it by person not by room? What is the done thing once children enter the fray and are taking up rooms of their own?

YABU - it should be split by room
YANBU - it should be split by person (and in what ratio of adults/kids?!)

Our friends all have kids but have had varying numbers and rooms. We always split equally by couple (so by adult would make sense if we had a single friend in the mix). That has meant us sharing a room with a baby whilst friends had two rooms for them and their two children but pay paying the same. I wasn’t bothered or resentful.

I would split the total amount between the adults, all things being roughly equal. However, given you are friends, if the singleton and the family of 4 had nice rooms and a higher income per head than the others it would be nice if they brought a case of wine etc. in recognition that they are being subsidised.

Thank you for all the responses. I fall in family 1 so baby in the room with us. Family 2 suggested counting toddler as a half - I would probably have just continued splitting by adult.

I think PPs suggesting that this might be the last holiday are correct!

If the person insisting that it’s split by room, tell them that the single person is going to be given the biggest room and family with toddler gets next biggest room.

See what they say then, the cheeky fuckers. 😂

In the past, we have always split the house cost equally amongst the adults. Couple 1 is a recent match, last year they were a single (in their own room).

Just to clarify - is it just half of couple 1 who has been away with you before and they have now got a partner from outside the group? Or were they both part of the group but have since become a couple?

If the former then I bet the query is coming from the OH. If the latter they are both extreme CFs. Second the suggestion of asking them if they would be willing to take the box room.

In general I think your way is fair BUT with one caveat. Is the property you have chosen significantly more expensive than a 5 bedroom property would be in the same area? If the cost of the whole property has increased to take in to account the child's room then that might be a factor. Did family 2 specifically ask for an extra room?

As PP said, wait till you come to split tgd food bill! I bet this holiday arrangement will not continue for much longer.

Split by rooms. Seems more fair
The singleton is just worse of but such is life

I woudlnt be willing to pay extra for a family that needed 2 rooms for the size of their family. No way.

Ps this should have all been discussed PRIOR to the booking!

I am single and sometimes holiday with couples. We split the bill per person (their suggestion not mine).This is because a house is not a hotel room - there will be additional space and facilities - living room, kitchen, maybe a hot tub? which will be used equally by all the adults. As the single person I also get the smallest and least nice room (often by a long chalk, eg no en-suite).

But a hotel you just get one room, in this case you get a kitchen, lounge, garden which are all shared equally between the guests. If a single person plays double do they suddenly get use of 2 kitchens, 2 lounges etc? No they don’t!

I think your way sounds very fair - what have the other 3 couples said?

I agree that paying per adult is right in this situation.

I think it is also good that there is an additional payment for the toddler, it sets the precedent (for future holidays if there are any) that children sleeping in seperate rooms need to be paid for by their parents, not a cost absorbed by others. Been there and lost friends over it!

The person from Couple 1 could always have left the SO at home and only had to pay for themself...

@5foot5 yes only one half of Couple 1 has been away with us in the past, the other half is a new addition from outside the friendship group. 1 of the family couples met at uni but me and DH and the other couple met after uni, so the holiday group has evolved over time already

Perfect!

Split the accommodation between adults equally. The box room wouldn’t fit an adult in, so it’s not like you could invite another friend to lower the cost.

For food, if the children are actually babies and toddlers, they probably won’t eat that much. I would expect parents to bring suitable snacks for their dc, so I’d split the food between the adults too, but as the parents of the toddler, I would take an extra bottle of gin (or whatever the group drink) to share to acknowledge this.

once the toddler gets to about 5, our group would charge half for food and once they get to about 8, full price. We had a lot more children in our group, but also child free couples, so this did come up and was a bit awkward a couple of times. We have the most dc and I never liked it when totals were split per family as that meant others were subsidising our extra child, which wasn’t fair (note why I would take extra alcohol to share to make up for it).

The box room is described as "a dressing room with a toddler bed" - it definitely would not fit an adult so I don't think it should be counted as a room. There is no picture of it on the listing so I can't share to show.

We always split by room. Same as if it were a house share.

Asking as I once got stung staying with a group of mostly single adults, we had the only children - v young at the time, prob 1 and 3. The food and drink shopping was all done by the organiser, who at the end calculated it per head so even though the kids basically ate about three mouthfuls it cost us as a family a lot of money. They were each charged the same as the other adults. Still stings. Was so surprised just paid it. Wouldn't these days.I agree with most others, calumet rooms per adult, it's fairest and what the precedent is for your group

the problem with this is that what the precedent for the group is might seem fair to 1 and not to the other as seen by your and others examples. It's why I pretty much think these kind of holidays are messy. It's better if each family get their own accommodation and provide for themselves food wise and accommodation etc. You can still go to the same venues but when it's pooled it gets messy.

I know through living in house shares and seeing friends buy rounds or even just reading mn that that these things of people buying something together are always messy and it's better people do their own thing as much as possible.

Pay per person, maybe leave the babies out though. It can't be helped in a hotel, but in shared accommodation with friends, I'd be so annoyed at the single tax that I wouldn't go tbh.

Your approach seems very fair.

Proper laughing at this! The setup that OP described is not going to be a romantic break - the couples aren’t going to be spending their time snogging on the sofa!

No the toddler shouldn’t be charged half because the room couldn’t be taken by anyone else and it isn’t even shown. It should be per adult.

Considering you have been on shared holiday rental holidays before I am really surprised that you hadn't sorted the paying aspect per room/person beforehand...

This is going to get messy really quickly

Split by rooms. Seems more fair
The singleton is just worse of but such is life

Yes, just like more or less the whole of life. Nice that my friends see things differently.

I also tend to subsidise the food bill because the males drink a lot more than the females. I wouldn’t dream of pointing it out because, you know, swings and roundabouts - and they’re my friends!

I would share it by party if the ones with more kids want to chip in to help the single friend do it but any other way is just plain weird so divide cost by 5

Definitely split by adult. You're friends. Your single friend won't ever want to come away with you again if they end up paying double if you split by room.

I would also seriously consider this being the last holiday with the unreasonable couple. Friends don't try and throw another friend (the single person) under the bus.