To ask if you're struggling with friendships and loneliness

[crochetmonkey74]

Pre Covid, my social life was v busy. Since Covid, it's pretty dead and im feeling quite lonely. My friends haven't really recovered. Every meet up takes ages to organise, lots of them now prefer to stay in rather than go out.
No falling outs, all still happy being friends. I've decided to try and expand my social circle a bit.
I've tried to join a few more groups etc and that's going OK, but I'm in the early days so haven't really made any friends as such yet.
Anyone found similar and got any tips for making new friends in your forties?

I can relate op. Not sure of the answer

Yep, lonely here

Nothing to do with Covid, just never made friends here. I have a million acquaintances but no actual friends (lived here 10 years). I’ve joined every club going so it’s not lack of effort. I just don’t feel likeable. Something about me obviously puts people off.

meanwhile my old school friends have moved on & made new friends so I feel like I’m losing out on all fronts

I’m in the same boat - I moved to a new part of the country during covid. I have no idea how to meet people my age. I’m pretty good at entertaining myself but even I’d like a friend to get me into trouble once in a while.

I know the feeling of always entertaining myself. I take myself out for a coffee etc but sometimes I struggle to motivate myself.

Yes. Covid exacerbated a developing pattern. I have more social events now but I don’t enjoy them like I used to. It seems very decadent to gather with dozens of people making small talk. Plus the cost of living doesn’t help either!

Yes exactly, all my friends seem lethargic and reluctant to commit to stuff. No one is really organising anything or even wanting to attend things. I'm single, but even married colleagues with children say they are lonely

It’s the way we’re living. It doesn’t lend itself to the sense of community we need.

Yep exactly same here! Not sure if people are happier at home or if they have trimmed their friendships and I never made the cut!

My friends are all friends still so no one has been cut as such. Everyone is doing far less. I know there'll be people on here who will say they prefer it, it's better for them etc but my friends are all unhappiest. It's like we are trapped in this sort of paralysed apathy

This sounds like my life but before covid 😂 what about trying a new group of hobby and making a couple of new friends? Might reignite your fire! If your old friends are crappy at sticking to dates or making set plans what about doing a class together? That way they have to turn up at that set time!!! Xxx

I've joined 2 new hobby groups and I'm enjoying it but it's the uphill bit where you're making connections etc so no real friends yet

Similar situation. My social life and friendships aren't what they were pre-Covid. I also changed jobs during the pandemic. I had many friendships in my old workplace because I'd been there 20 years. I have let one friendship group go as the effort to try to get everyone together bore no results. You can't make people want to stay in touch and socialise. If people aren't interested, I lose interest too. I'm not good at social groups either although I have started going on some guided walks.

Yep.ive not seen good friends for over a year. No one can be arsed doing stuff now and covid definitely played a part in this.

I have a quite a few friends but it's still not enough! I have no extended family here and my husband doesn't like spending time with me and the kids so I have a lot of time that I need to fill with friends.

I need to join the local book club.

What classes or clubs have you got near you?

Are you friends struggling with their mental health?

Totally agree, @crocrochetmonkey74 . Apathy is definitely it - everyone seems to be so flat and insular. It's very strange.
Also, it feels like the things that would normally lift us (a lovely hot summer, a nice cold Christmas) haven't done the trick and now it all feels a bit hopeless. I don't know what the answer is, but just to say I really identified with your posts.

I feel this too. Not really any interesting groups to join where I live either, so it’s isolation only

I have chronic mental health problems, the people I used to call friends … I wouldn’t feel right contacting them now. None of them know I’m in hospital, and I prefer it that way tbh, I’m not the person they used to know. It’s lonely though.

I'm guilty of being in the slightly 'given up'
on socialising/going out camp.
It's 100% the same story in my circles. No fall outs, everyone still very much maintaining friendships & contact via social media & whatsapp etc but we've all gotten really rubbish at physically meeting up and just being normal again.
I think it's very common now. A combination of lockdown/pandemic effects, anxieties, money worries etc, we are all also at the young children age plus many of us are at the age where our own parents are experiencing illnesses or sadly even passing away, so everyone's plates have been very full too. It's all overwhelming and just trying to meet up feels like an impossible mission and everyone is so fatigued it never comes together..

I moved to a different part of the country during the first lockdown and I’ve really struggled to make friends. It seems very difficult at my age, early 40s, everybody seems to have their life and friendship circle sorted. I’m feeling really quite lonely. I’m also single, so no partner to keep me company.

Very much
have started a thread in mental
health
really struggling
only MN keeping me going
that makes me feel pathetic

have a hug if you want one ((()))

Covid pretty much drew a line under the few friendships I had already, I absolutely hate work I like the people I work with that the job itself is horrific so I avoid the office like the plague.
online dating appears to dried up or it certainly has for me I suspect having a couple of birthdays has now pushed me out of there search criteria for most men that I would consider dating i.e. under 60.

I read some of the posts on here about people who are apparently in relationships or about to get married or have friendships and they sound like absolute sociopathic bitches, it blows my mind that they have more of a social life than me.

This is me exactly
I've given up now

I’m fine with my own company until I read about people having ‘girls’ trips and holidays and friends they share ‘everything’ with and even though I don’t think I want that it makes me feel lesser.

@EmmaH2022 and @Gettingbythanks sorry you’re both having an awful time but well done for sticking your head above the water to post here. Solidarity!

I think half my problem is I’d like to just skip to the good part. Like, I don’t really want to make small talk with women who don’t share my interests in a craft class I’m butchering. I just want to swing into a booth in a bar and say ‘so you’ll never guess what’ to my sister from another mister 🤣

I’ve been happy single for years but now debating looking for a partner as a substitute for good friends. It really sucks. I’m sort of wondering if I should stop trying to cheer myself up, if that makes any sense.

I feel like the character in “labelled with love” to som extent.