Understanding death

[Sparklybutold]

Had a triggering conversation with a work colleague about death. She is a seventh day Adventist. She explained how her faith explains that people die because it's pre ordained owing to either punishment or because god decided it was better for them to ‘sleep’ because they couldn't handle something that they could have gone through later in life. This was her belief for why my mum had died at the age of 35 when I was 2.

How did that make you feel? Sorry about your mum x

I'm an atheist and nonsense like your colleague spouted is one of the main reasons why. I'm very sorry you lost your mum at such a young age.

I’m sorry for the loss of your mum when both of you were so young.
people believe a whole lot of weird stuff due to religion. Take it with a pinch of salt.

Your colleague was talking out of her arse!

sorry you came across someone with such a warped belief and, it would seem, not much empathy for the living.

I find that view quite offensive and I can see why you would find it triggering

Your colleague is an arsehole.

I don't think I'd have been able to hold my tongue at her spouting such nonsense.

Gosh I’m sorry you had endure that OP. I’m also sorry about your mum.

There are a couple of people on YouTube (will look them up & link) who have had near death experiences & watching them gave me some comfort.

Also the dad of the girl who ate the sesame-laden sandwich from Pret and died in front of him is very interesting. (Why can’t I remember his name??) He had a religious experience whilst she was dying - on phone so will have to close this page for a sec whilst I look for them

Please try not to let this upset you.

Even if there was any merit in what she said, we can safely put your mum in the non-punishment, ‘sleep’ category. But there is no merit in it anyway. So we’ll just call this lady an insensitive twat and move on.

Sorry about your mum.

That’s made me so cross. Our family GP told me the same when my mum died when I was 23. I still believe in God (I’m a really rubbish catholic) and I know I’ll see her again. But I’m under no illusion that as far as I’m concerned, we’ve just got shitty genes and she got cancer and the doctors couldn’t save her. If someone dies before their time, it’s due to bad genes, bad lifestyle (including my dad with industrial illness and leukaemia) or just horrible horrible bad luck.

You must really have missed not having her when you grew up, I’m so sorry.

If you didn't ask for her opinion, and she knew of your loss, she really was being very insensitive.
If it was a general conversation we need to sift through and respect others belief systems - with the proviso that it's not personalised to a person who doesn't hold their beliefs.
I'm sorry this was upsetting.

What an incredibly insensitive thing to say, and holding unusual beliefs is no excuse. I hope you're able to brush it off and put it down to your colleague's unusual thinking.

Humans are terrible at understanding that things just happen, for no reason, just circumstances beyond anyone's control. It's not a judgement on anyone, or a punishment or some pre ordained odd coping mechanism or any other complex explanation.

im sorry for the loss of your Mum. Life is horribly unfair. Your work colleague is lacking in empathy and needs to keep her beliefs to herself. Please take very good care of yourself.

While I'm more of an agnostic, bordering on atheism, I love how the number of comments above are that they're an idiot.

We have ZERO proof of ANYTHING after death, so how about keeping open minds?

Did they have any evidence for this belief?

Well, everything alive dies. It’s kind of part of it… Sorry about your mum, she didn’t do anything wrong, and neither did you.

Hmm that was pretty insensitive of her. Try and just let it go out of your head.

Reminds me of after my dad died (I was 15) and the priest came round to talk to my mum, I was there too. I think he meant to be comforting but he said that my my dad was always going to die of cancer at 51, it was God's role for him and preordained (not those exact words). I thought that was a load of bollocks then and I still do.

Sorry you have had to deal with that op
As someone who lost my family all incredibly young as well and lived tough life I would find that actually offensive
Sending you a hug xx

An open mind doesn't mean inventing stories about punishment or other justifications based on no evidence at all.

Fuck that shit. I'm guessing she didn't lose anyone she cared about yet?

I used to believe in something. But then I lost two people in 12 months to cancer. Who were my age (40s). Sitting in their funerals, listening to God's plan just made me fucking angry.

Such a lot of religious belief are utter nonsense but this really does take the biscuit. What fucking ugly thoughts to choose to believe in.

I’m sorry you lost your Mum :(

What a load of absolute tosh , sorry for your loss @Sparklybutold .

I’d have asked her if she’d ever seen someone she loved die. This is why I steer clear of religious types, I’m a bit pissed off on your behalf … losing your mum must’ve been brutal, I’m sorry.

I’m so sorry your DM died so young. Ignore what she believes, people find comfort in many different ways, but she’s entitled her beliefs.
I find comfort in maintaining my mum’s family grave, it’s all I can do for them. I hope you have your own way of honouring your mum.

It's her belief but it doesn't mean it's true. Ignore.