Understanding death

[Sparklybutold]

Had a triggering conversation with a work colleague about death. She is a seventh day Adventist. She explained how her faith explains that people die because it's pre ordained owing to either punishment or because god decided it was better for them to ‘sleep’ because they couldn't handle something that they could have gone through later in life. This was her belief for why my mum had died at the age of 35 when I was 2.

Death is the only certainty in life and it can come at any time.
I would be tempted to say something to your colleague like you're sorry her religion is so rigid that she's unable to feel empathy and that you hope she never has a similar experience. But it's probably better just to ignore.
I'm sorry you lost your Mum at such a young age.

I’m interested in the dad at prets experience- we’re you able to find it?

Whatever anyone believes (and firm belief is the opposite of open mindedness)
the idiocy of OPs colleague was in her crass insensitivity.

I'm so sorry op.

After my son died I was harassed by a bunch of religious extremists who told me he would be stuck in limbo forever and never move on anywhere as I decided to cremate him. I'm talking calls, letter, doorstep visits etc within a couple of days.

These people think they are better than us, but they are nasty, insensitive arseholes. Take no heed

WTF??? I bet she's one of those who doesn't take the hint to shut the fuck up, too. I had a 'friend' like that, very similar. She's not a friend any more. Hugs, OP.

If you sat ten people in a room from different backgrounds, culture, religions and nationalities you'd get ten different answers.

So, for example, I know that when the body ceases to exist there's a realisation that this life was just a dream.

@KangarooKenny

The phrase ‘honouring your mum’ really struck a card with me. Thank you so much 🌸

There was more...

After hearing her views she gave me some reading material. She also offered it to my colleague who is a Muslim woman stating that there's been a dramatic increase in conversion from islam to Christianity. She ended by saying she had done her part in trying to spread the word.

I found her views not only offensive but incredibly ‘simple’. She loved quoting quotes from bibles with where it was from precisely, chapter verse type thing. I asked her to just think about the physicality and visceral-ness of the whole rib from Adam story, whether she believed that actually happened - she looked at me dead pan - yes, because it is written, just like his breathed air into Adam. I knew at this point I would not be able to have an open and respectful conversation. Stated that I could see how much religion meant to her and was placed that it brought her so much comfort. My shift then ended and I promptly left.

Please do not be taken in by someone from a religious cult. These people have their own problems that they resolve by clinging to these mad ideas. It helps them get through life it would seem; but none of it is real - it is just the prop that she has chosen.

Please ignore her. I am so sorry that your Mum died young, and when you were so small. It is very sad when people are not able to live out a more normal life span; but the cycle of life and death is simply how the world is. All animals die and return to their atoms, and feed the new cycle of life. Mourn for your Mum, but do not be sucked into the nonsense that this woman is spouting. You need to have peace in your life - as I am sure your Mum would have wished - do not let this silly lady knock you off course. Live your life and be happy.

Stated that I could see how much religion meant to her and was placed that it brought her so much comfort. My shift then ended and I promptly left.

this was a very classy way to handle things, op. I’d have become incandescent with rage and lost my temper in the face of such bloody nonsense.

It sounds like she was a very simplistic fundamentalist, OP, with very little grasp of theology. Genesis had three different writers and two separate creation narratives for humans, as they had to include the ancient Jewish oral tradition of man being literally shaped out of clay, as well as their later more abstract idea of God creating us directly in His image. Mainstream Christians see the Genesis creation stories as allegorical and a rather lovely poetic description of the Big Bang - God’s moment of creation of the universe, rather than literal history.
I found the church, and my excellent minister, a huge comfort when my DH died young at just 36, leaving me with two babies to raise alone. And a direct experience of the presence of God converted me from atheism to Christianity at that time.
It has helped me through thirty years of widowhood and single parenthood, to know that I will be reunited with DH at my death, and the knowledge that I am loved by God, regardless of my human failings, is very sustaining. I hope that you also have support, both human and spiritual, to deal with your life’s losses and hard times.

I am sorry for your loss. I get so cross with people who try to force their beliefs onto others, particularly at vulnerable times.

@Sparklybutold @KangarooKenny I love this concept too, taking comfort by finding your own way to honour your loved one.

I'm so sorry you lost your mum and so young OP. I lost my DF last year. I have been brought up atheist, which is what my DF was and my DM is. I find that I 'want' to believe there is an afterlife but I'm not sure I do (I realise this is the opposite of faith) - it's hard for me having not been brought up with faith but in missing someone I would so love to have the comfort of faith that I will see them again. So that's an ongoing internal conversation for me. However one thing I can and do take comfort in is honouring my dad. For me that's in 'looking after' (not that they need it for any particular reason) my mum and brother and any extra kindnesses I can do for them, spending extra time with them etc.

I also like the idea of just keeping an open mind - maybe if I can't bring myself to the 'certainty' of a faith in the afterlife I can at least settle on an open mind as to there being something instead of nothing which comes next, we just don't know what it is. I read a quote the other day I liked:

"...now at last they were beginning Chapter One of the Great Story which no one on earth has read: which goes on forever: in which every chapter is better than the one before"

That being said I've just looked it up and realise it's by C.S. Lewis, The Last Battle from the Chronicles of Narnia, so definitely about Christianity. But I quite like the idea of the greatest story which no one earth has read yet and where every chapter is better than the one before.

I have to say that had she said that to me my language would have been pretty fruity. My mum died at the age of 41 when I was 14 months old and sadly I have nil expectations of ever seeing or meeting her again..I'm so very sorry for your loss I'm in my late 60s and still miss her.

You handled it so well, I wouldn’t of done. I was also only two when my mum passed, she was twenty four.

I would honestly make a complaint about her to HR. While people are entitled to their religious beliefs, the workplace is not an appropriate venue to be trying to score frequent flyer points for heavenly rewards. She was insensitive to you and your Muslim colleague. I would assert that her conversation with your colleague was discriminatory.

@MessyBunPersonified as a mum of a son - I have no words 💐

@Mischance I like your view and in a physical way I also believe we return to the earth and the cycle continues. As for the ‘soul’, I don't know.

@Babdoc could you explain more about the genesis ‘bit’ and the different takes on it (and if you could explain it simply that would be great 😁 - my head gets a bit frazzled).

I find it hard that this actually happened - the visceral-ness of Adams rib being taken. I struggle with the fact that the bible was written centuries after the fact by men who heard God. The same situation now would have these same men sectioned? I believe moses wrote genesis? I also struggle with the massive under representation of women in the bible and how little there voices are actually represented - but Jesus was a feminist yada yada. I feel that the Bible is written by men for men to keep lower men and all women in line. I feel that instead the God/gods/whatever you want to call it is beyond anything we could comprehend.. But then I do wonder whether we really are just a mash up of chemicals and synapses with literally billions of connections...

@Lemonyfuckit I'm so sorry for your loss 💐

@been and done it.

💐

I think about my mum everyday and I still feel connected to her. I now have kids, and my daughter is 2. She is approaching the time my mum died. It's hard and people who haven't experienced it don't understand.

@Fraaahnces although I understand your advice and agree her views and approach were insensitive and definitely inappropriate we are a tight knit team and it would be very difficult to escalate it without being outed. She has said numerous things beyond the religious soundbites - I just find her incredible judgemental and simplistic in her views.

@millerpie 💐

I stopped believing when I lost my auntie at 56 & all the vicar droned on at her funeral about was sinners, there had never been anyone as good & well behaved as my auntie, she certainly was no sinner.