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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To try and get my neighbours committed

82 replies

MomtoOneMarvelousBubba · 26/09/2022 18:43

Posting for traffic as I feel I am not only losing my hair but now my mind!

My partner and I bought our little flat 5 years ago. There are two flats above us we have the ground floor.

We quickly made friends with a the neighbours. However the ones directly above us while they were all polite hellos and friendly smiles once outside their flat. I realised during the day they would follow me around from room to room. At first I thought I was imagining things -- because what normal human beings would do that but now after five years they have made it abundantly clear that we are their hobby!

In the way days they were quiet about it, they would creep after us and then start making light banging noises but only so you could just hear.
Fast forward to now, after two complaints to the council (one ongoing) they drop super duper heavy things on the floor jump and stamp around after us E V E R Y D A Y!! seven days a week even on Christmas day and New year's they are relentless. They have learnt our routines and now bang jump and stomp around just after the children have been put to bed. I recty started a new job and work from home so no matter the room I'm in they have to go into the corresponding room and start stomping and banging and thudding.

Its starting to weigh heavy on me my hair is falling out and I was having PTSD symptoms. I know many of you will say we'll just move but how can I sell up now without taking a mega hit on value with this all still going on.

We have already tried to talk to them explain we have children etc but I have realised there is no point in trying to reason with madness, after all surely that's what they are - who would spend their time following around people they don't know. We are partway through soundproofing but this seems to upset them even more and they make a point of following us into the the partially compete rooms and stamping through the places that are complete - it's like living wit h two other people and I'm on here desp. to find out if anyone has overcome/dealt with a similar situation. The police are telling me this is a civil matter rather than harassment so I have no recourse through them and I'm at my wit's end.

Please if anyone is out there who has worked for a local authority or the police or just has experienced this and knows how I can get the agencies to help me I would really appreciate any advice.

As I say so far we are working with the council but they want to witness the noise themselves but these ppl stalk the living daylights out of us and as soon as our front door opens they stop any activity to listen.

I have contacted the police who say this is a civil matter and I need to talk to the council.

I am/have kept a diary but the frequency of their activity and I tent knocks my mental well-being so I try not to focus on it.

I have asked someone to go and speak with them on our behalf and their resp was they didn't want a bloodbath to occur -- we have two children under 5 and are a normal family...

Thanks for any responses

OP posts:

BMW6 · 27/09/2022 14:12

What does your partner think OP?

BMW6 · 27/09/2022 14:14

And you still haven't said how they know your movements since they can neither see nor hear you. How do you think they know when you go to another room?

LicoricePizza · 27/09/2022 17:04

Are they doing it (or started originally) retaliation OP? Maybe they can hear your noise & are making it known that whatever you’re doing they can hear it & it’s too loud - so they’re giving you an idea of what they’re hearing??

And it’s now got into a weird communication that whatever noise you make they will too??

If you are super quiet do they stop??

What if you go in the bathroom & say just flush the loo will they stomp in their room above you??

Feel for you it sounds horrific.

MumAdvice92 · 27/09/2022 17:12

Do you honestly think you can go around getting strangers committed and it’s that easy? Honestly I lived in a flat for years and unfortunately it’s part of parcel hearing people above and below you occasionally, but in this case you can really hear them even with another flat in between you both? I’m sorry I don’t believe that and I’m calling BS

ElizabethSchuyler · 27/09/2022 17:21

There’s no way that is happening, OP. Are you usually paranoid?

Softplayhooray · 27/09/2022 17:28

Blackalice · 26/09/2022 18:46

How do they know what room you are in if you are in a flat below them? I don't understand.

I also think this.

Original poster

MomtoOneMarvelousBubba · 27/09/2022 17:56

@ObjectionSustained @coldfeetmama @Rosio They do everyday and even though it's been years everyday I can't believe it. Our building was obviously very poorly and cheaply converted. Before we soundproofed we could hear their conversations, but because I'm not a weirdo and have a normal full life I never actively listened to them! In addition they water damaged our lounge ceiling which led to a portion of it falling down again, reducing the integrity and privacy in our home.

Now we've soundproofed we can barely hear them, if they decide to use their home normally.

I genuinely still have no idea how they do it but, if you have obsessive tendancies, which I assume they must have it's probably not hard to listen for signs of activity and get used to how we move through the flat... I don't know.

OP posts:

Original poster

MomtoOneMarvelousBubba · 27/09/2022 18:02

@scrufffy apols didn't mean offence I'm glib about it because it's so horrible to feel stalked in my own home.

OP posts:

scrufffy · 27/09/2022 18:03

MomtoOneMarvelousBubba · 27/09/2022 18:02

@scrufffy apols didn't mean offence I'm glib about it because it's so horrible to feel stalked in my own home.

It's still horrible. You're saying they should be put in an institution.

That's not appropriate.

Original poster

MomtoOneMarvelousBubba · 27/09/2022 18:09

@LicoricePizza
Their bathroom is not over ours so when I go in there they stamp along their hallway and have now started going going out to their entryway landing which is over head our bathroom and stamping there. One of them doesn't work he is the one that does a lot of it but the other does it of he ever goes out. Right. I shouldn't have said committed but I am upset by their behaviour. In all seriousness I wanted to know if there was some way of getting mental health to support them. Even though they really annoy me I feel really sorry for them I can't believe someone would do this every day.

OP posts:

LuckyLil · 27/09/2022 18:26

You seem to be completely avoiding any questions as to if they may be reacting to noise they can hear coming from your property.

lanthanum · 27/09/2022 20:08

Is it possible that the way the floorboards work, you hear any noise in their flat as if it is directly above you? If you're in room A, and you hear them, how do you know it isn't as noisy in room B?

Lcb123 · 27/09/2022 20:18

I live in a flat with neighbours below - I’d very rarely be able to tell which room they are in, and our building is not very sound proofed
I do, however, stamp on the floor occasionally when their kids are screaming at midnight…

PunishmentRoundupWithJoon · 27/09/2022 20:32

I live in a block of flats, bigger than yours, but I can say for certain that at times it sounds like there's noise coming from directly above but in actual fact it's coming from elsewhere in the building. I'm not doubting what you're saying but could it be that the way noise travels, it simply seems that it's coming from directly above? So for example, you think they've followed you into a certain room but actually the noise they're making is from the next room?

BMW6 · 27/09/2022 20:33

OP I'm sorry but they cannot possibly tell what your movements are unless you are exceptionally loud.

I'll ask yet again. What does your partner think?

I think you have convinced yourself that they are aping you, but it's simply not reasonable to believe it.

PunishmentRoundupWithJoon · 27/09/2022 20:42

How can they tell where you are in the flat?

LicoricePizza · 28/09/2022 00:22

OP have they ever complained about noise made by you?

Grumpusaurus · 28/09/2022 01:52

You sound absolutely stark raving bonkers OP! How would your neighbours know where you are if they are upstairs from you?! That makes zero sense.

AchatAVendre · 28/09/2022 02:07

Erm.

Yes, I have dealt with a case like this when working for the local authority. A woman was suffering from anxiety related issues (possibly PND) and was obsessed with the thought that her neighbours were making extreme noise. In reality, they were only using their property normally.

OP, this is nonsense. But there will be no reasoning with you. Please can you go and see your GP and explain all of this to them and how it is making you feel. Do you have a past history of such events?

In addition they water damaged our lounge ceiling which led to a portion of it falling down again, reducing the integrity and privacy in our home.

This is indicative of your response to standard events. Unpleasant, but nothing to do with reducing the integrity or privacy of your home once fixed. These things happen.

You are failing to respect your neighbour's right to live in and use their own property. There is no evidence of loud music, shouting or anything that would create an actionable record on a noise meter.

This could be resolved by moving out of the flat to somewhere else. Perhaps a more rural property?

Name99 · 28/09/2022 08:16

OP
Think logically, how do you think honestly they are mirroring your movement throughout your flat.
Yes perhaps they can hear you, you can hear them as that's pretty standard in flats but do you really believe they are moving in tandem with you and making noise purposely?
And no you can't have them sectioned and admitted to a mental health facility

Ahbisto · 28/09/2022 08:29

Op. I mean this gently but I also think you need to speak to a doctor. These feelings of paranoia, anxiety, etc there is help for. You must understand in your logical brain that if your flat is sound proofed they cannot be hearing you go to thr loo and following you.

is the suggestion you get them mental health help projection as you know it is you who needs it?

Original poster

MomtoOneMarvelousBubba · 28/09/2022 09:38

Thank you all who have shared suggestions on next steps. I appreciate the guidance.

For those of you who struggle to believe this is happening, please don't feel you have to repeatedly comment to say you don't believe me and then ask me to prove it. Bar you coming into my home and staying with me I'm not exactly sure how you would expect me to prove this to you via an online forum... ...

OP posts:

Undergreen · 28/09/2022 09:45

Oh I’ve read this thread before. It was a Reddit thread about a year ago. The neighbour followed her round and made stomping noises. The poster was searching their flat for cameras because they were convinced the neighbour was watching them, and they even showered in the dark.

You can google and it comes up (shrug)

BirdinaHedge · 28/09/2022 09:55

OK, so say that what you imagine IS actually happening @MomtoOneMarvelousBubba . They are stalking you - who knows why. Let's now be rational about this.

Are they trying to get into your home?

Do they act threateningly when you meet them outside your home? Are they physically attacking you? (you say there's been one incident - it would be interesting to know more about how & what happened then)

Are they trying to stop you doing anything?

If the answer to these questions is mostly No, how about consciously trying to reverse the effect you are feeling?

Tell yourself that they're the nutters and that if they want to waste their lives following you around, then let them do that.

If they want to follow you, and make thuds above your head, you're going to let them. It's their time they're wasting. It's not hurting you.

You are going to go about your daily life unaffected. You are going to CONSCIOUSLY ignore whatever it is they're doing.

Because all your stress symptoms and your anxiety, are producing EXACTLY the effect that they want. You are letting them have power over you. Could you try to reverse that? To ignore, ignore, ignore.

If there is no actual physical threat, then you are safe to do this. And hopefully you can live your life with more ease. Good luck.

Undergreen · 28/09/2022 09:59

On the Reddit thread it was concluded that this is an incredibly common delusion for people with anxiety/paranoia/schizophrenia. There were links to other people across the internet who also have this delusion.

OP you haven’t mentioned if you partner can hear it and if they are as passionate about it as you are, or could they just be humouring you?

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