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Original poster

To try and get my neighbours committed

82 replies

MomtoOneMarvelousBubba · 26/09/2022 18:43

Posting for traffic as I feel I am not only losing my hair but now my mind!

My partner and I bought our little flat 5 years ago. There are two flats above us we have the ground floor.

We quickly made friends with a the neighbours. However the ones directly above us while they were all polite hellos and friendly smiles once outside their flat. I realised during the day they would follow me around from room to room. At first I thought I was imagining things -- because what normal human beings would do that but now after five years they have made it abundantly clear that we are their hobby!

In the way days they were quiet about it, they would creep after us and then start making light banging noises but only so you could just hear.
Fast forward to now, after two complaints to the council (one ongoing) they drop super duper heavy things on the floor jump and stamp around after us E V E R Y D A Y!! seven days a week even on Christmas day and New year's they are relentless. They have learnt our routines and now bang jump and stomp around just after the children have been put to bed. I recty started a new job and work from home so no matter the room I'm in they have to go into the corresponding room and start stomping and banging and thudding.

Its starting to weigh heavy on me my hair is falling out and I was having PTSD symptoms. I know many of you will say we'll just move but how can I sell up now without taking a mega hit on value with this all still going on.

We have already tried to talk to them explain we have children etc but I have realised there is no point in trying to reason with madness, after all surely that's what they are - who would spend their time following around people they don't know. We are partway through soundproofing but this seems to upset them even more and they make a point of following us into the the partially compete rooms and stamping through the places that are complete - it's like living wit h two other people and I'm on here desp. to find out if anyone has overcome/dealt with a similar situation. The police are telling me this is a civil matter rather than harassment so I have no recourse through them and I'm at my wit's end.

Please if anyone is out there who has worked for a local authority or the police or just has experienced this and knows how I can get the agencies to help me I would really appreciate any advice.

As I say so far we are working with the council but they want to witness the noise themselves but these ppl stalk the living daylights out of us and as soon as our front door opens they stop any activity to listen.

I have contacted the police who say this is a civil matter and I need to talk to the council.

I am/have kept a diary but the frequency of their activity and I tent knocks my mental well-being so I try not to focus on it.

I have asked someone to go and speak with them on our behalf and their resp was they didn't want a bloodbath to occur -- we have two children under 5 and are a normal family...

Thanks for any responses

OP posts:
coldfeetmama · 26/09/2022 19:06

Can you explain a bit more OP? How can they tell where you are when WFH ? When you are going about your normal life's - how much noise are you making ?

Rosio · 26/09/2022 19:07

If they're above you how do you hear you moving enough o know what exact room you're in? I think you've got the wrong end of the stick, surely they aren't really doing this

LittleLadyCece · 26/09/2022 19:07

At any point have you actually spoke to the upstairs neighbours whether it be at the beginning or now about what is happening?

ObjectionSustained · 26/09/2022 19:08

How would they even know what room you're in? Unless you are making noise yourself?

It sounds as though they're pissed off about something and are making a point to make as much noise as possible back.

Either that, or it's just normal flat noise and you've been overthinking it too much to the point you now think they're tracing your every move.
You say you work from home, do you spend most of your time indoors?

Have you spoken to them outside of the flat?

So strange.

LuckyLil · 26/09/2022 19:09

Two children under 5 must get pretty noisy to be fair. I really can see there may be another story here.

WhereAreTheLostPens · 26/09/2022 19:14

Nidan2Sandan · 26/09/2022 19:03

I work in the antisocial behaviour team for a social landlord and I'm afraid to say, when a complainant says their neighbour is "following them around the flat" this usually leads the complainant being the one who is mentally unwell and attributing the sounds of daily living noise to a malicious intent. There is no way your neighbour knows what room you are in unless YOU are the one being noisy.

As for recourse. You have to complete noise diary sheets for environmental health and they will decide if they display enough disruption to install noise monitoring equipment. Also check if your council uses the noise app..

But walking around, moving about and dropping things is daily living noise. The onus is on you to prove it if you believe there is a malicious intent behind this. But as I say, in my experience its usually the complainant who is the one having issues.

Im afraid I'd have to agree with this. As a clinician I have worked with a similar case and the person making the claim was ultimately the one who went on to have a hospital admission. OP, please have a long think about the likelihood of all this. How do the neighbours know where you are? It's likely if it's lunch time, you'll be both be kitchen areas. Mid afternoon, both lounge areas unless you are working. Mornings and night, bedrooms. Upstairs neighbours do make noise. That's life.

I'd pop to the GP. I'd also move if its causing you such a problem. I can't see why the flat value needs to be impacted. It's just a normal flat with people moving around upstairs. If you believe they are harassing you specifically, there's no reason to suspect they'd harass someone else. Nothing to devalue the flat.

ChilliBandit · 26/09/2022 19:15

I have a friend with 2 under 5, the noise is incredible. When they leave it feels like the house is silent, even with my 1. I would not underestimate the noise your children make.

I have lived in several flats and I don’t understand how they would know. I could tell where upstairs neighbours were but downstairs neighbours, never. I wonder if they are just a bit noisy and your anxiety has latched onto it and has created this idea of them following you? Regardless your only option is to move because frankly I am not sure anyone would believe you. You can’t just “get people sectioned” (really horrible you are even asking) even if what you believe about them is true.

theemmadilemma · 26/09/2022 19:16

Nidan2Sandan · 26/09/2022 19:03

I work in the antisocial behaviour team for a social landlord and I'm afraid to say, when a complainant says their neighbour is "following them around the flat" this usually leads the complainant being the one who is mentally unwell and attributing the sounds of daily living noise to a malicious intent. There is no way your neighbour knows what room you are in unless YOU are the one being noisy.

As for recourse. You have to complete noise diary sheets for environmental health and they will decide if they display enough disruption to install noise monitoring equipment. Also check if your council uses the noise app..

But walking around, moving about and dropping things is daily living noise. The onus is on you to prove it if you believe there is a malicious intent behind this. But as I say, in my experience its usually the complainant who is the one having issues.

This was the first thing that came to my mind too.

Ahbisto · 26/09/2022 19:16

How would they even know what room you're in? Unless you are making noise yourself?

please don’t be sensible and point out the obvious. 😄

op they are just moving about their flat as normal and the noise is travelling, likely there isn’t enough sound proofing between the flats ie no carpet, underlay etc, to muffle the noise.

they can only be following you if you yourself are making so much noise first they know where you are and they are reciprocating. If this isn’t the case then they are not following uou.

ChilliBandit · 26/09/2022 19:17

You would also only hear them when they are in the room directly above you. When they are elsewhere you wouldn’t hear them,

ChaosMoon · 26/09/2022 19:21

I believe that they're doing it now. I don't believe they were doing it before you put in the first complaint.

I suspect that they were using their flat in a similar way to yours and just making normal flat noise. It ramped up after you complained because they were pissed off/astounded that you'd make such a bizarre accusation and thought they'd get their own back.

I have no idea how you can resolve this without moving.

NotJustAnybody · 26/09/2022 19:26

If you have hard wood floors then I can imagine they can hear what room you are in fairly easy. If not, then I'm a bit puzzled. If they have no kids themselves, they might find the usual kids play noises irritating and are getting back at you?
If the banging is that loud, surely you would record it (video, not just audible) so you have proof you are moving around and it's not you making the noise. Do this on enough different dates to build up a picture and proof. Also, contact your local council and get this logged, see what they suggest.

KeepOutingMyselfAnotherNameChange · 26/09/2022 19:28

I often find I'm in the bathroom at the same time as the people below as I can literally hear them pee. It's coincidental I don't follow them from room to room. We probably cook dinner around the same time. Then the only other rooms are the livingroom and bedroom. My teens likely heavy footed when they're kids are in bed. I hope you're not my neighbour. It sounds like you have some issues you need to look at.

Sunnyqueen · 26/09/2022 19:28

I don't understand why you can't move? I also think they can't possibly be 'stalking' you when you are the downstairs flat. Unless you are the one making lots of noise to alert them to which room you are in. You sound very paranoid tbh.
Either way, no you can't get noisy neighbours sectioned.

Original poster
MomtoOneMarvelousBubba · 27/09/2022 13:20

Yes it was a rather long explanation but yes they are in the flat directly above. And I genuinely thought it was just a coincidence I've lived in flats before and the nature of that kind of living means there wil of course be times when you're in the same vicinity but there's only so many times you can hear footsteps following you around before you realised you're being followed and now it's been five years there's no way that every time I go anywhere, they need to walk straight into the corresponding room above and start dropping things or whatever they do to make noise...

OP posts:
BMW6 · 27/09/2022 13:33

But OP they can't see or hear you moving into another room!

BMW6 · 27/09/2022 13:37

And OP - there are 2 people allegedly doing this. How likely is it that they are BOTH experiencing the exact same mental illness?

What does your DP think? Does he or she agree with you totally?

whumpthereitis · 27/09/2022 13:41

You’re not going to get them sectioned. You’re also going to have difficulty proving this is malicious. If it is deliberate, they’re doing it in such a way that they have plausible deniability.

I’m not sure how they’re tracing your movements across different rooms,

You’re either going to have to learn to live with it, or take the hit and move.

Greenqueen40 · 27/09/2022 13:41

I think people are being really harsh here, neighbour noise is a real problem for a lot of people. OP you need to move, a financial hit is nothing compared to your mental health.

Original poster
MomtoOneMarvelousBubba · 27/09/2022 13:48

So let's for decency's sake assume I'm not bonkers the following around is just one part of this and it is very hard to evidence, and I too almost can't quite believe they take time to do this, but they do. I feel the person above who follows me has mental health issues he attacked my partner out of the blue, it had been almost two years since we had spoken to them as we thought that was the best approach as theyre were weird.(the police were called but case dismissed due to lack of witnesses/evidence).

I'm in touch with the police and council but wondered if there was anything else I could do. I'm asking because I'm desp. This behaviour is predatory and basically stalking and so out of the ordinary I don't understand why as the person that's putting their hand up to ask for help I'm being blamed...

OP posts:
NewBootsAndRanty · 27/09/2022 13:55

Ok... for decency's sake...

"Being sectioned means that you are kept in hospital under the Mental Health Act 1983. You can be sectioned if your own health or safety are at risk, or to protect other people"

www.mind.org.uk/information-support/legal-rights/sectioning/overview/

scrufffy · 27/09/2022 13:55

I don't have an issue with you wanting something done. I do have an issue with you wanting them committed. That's a horrible term.

Nidan2Sandan · 27/09/2022 14:06

MomtoOneMarvelousBubba · 27/09/2022 13:48

So let's for decency's sake assume I'm not bonkers the following around is just one part of this and it is very hard to evidence, and I too almost can't quite believe they take time to do this, but they do. I feel the person above who follows me has mental health issues he attacked my partner out of the blue, it had been almost two years since we had spoken to them as we thought that was the best approach as theyre were weird.(the police were called but case dismissed due to lack of witnesses/evidence).

I'm in touch with the police and council but wondered if there was anything else I could do. I'm asking because I'm desp. This behaviour is predatory and basically stalking and so out of the ordinary I don't understand why as the person that's putting their hand up to ask for help I'm being blamed...

Okay, as someone who works in ASB this is what I would be telling you to do.

  1. Diary sheets. But with instructions not to log anything outside of daily life noise. So walking, dropping things would fall into this category.
  2. Install the noise app on your phone and send me the recordings of the noise (most LAs use this now)
  3. Enter into joint mediation with the neighbours to come to a solution to resolve the issues.
  4. I would obviously speak to the neighbours about your complaint and ask for their side of the story as well, especially around the assault and the allegations you are making.
  5. If you refuse to do any of the above your case would be closed, no further action.
ChilliBandit · 27/09/2022 14:07

That’s a hell of a drip feed. In the OP you said they were smiley and friendly to your face. Either way your only option is to move. Maybe read up on sectioning too to see why people are offended.

LuckyLil · 27/09/2022 14:08

MomtoOneMarvelousBubba · 27/09/2022 13:48

So let's for decency's sake assume I'm not bonkers the following around is just one part of this and it is very hard to evidence, and I too almost can't quite believe they take time to do this, but they do. I feel the person above who follows me has mental health issues he attacked my partner out of the blue, it had been almost two years since we had spoken to them as we thought that was the best approach as theyre were weird.(the police were called but case dismissed due to lack of witnesses/evidence).

I'm in touch with the police and council but wondered if there was anything else I could do. I'm asking because I'm desp. This behaviour is predatory and basically stalking and so out of the ordinary I don't understand why as the person that's putting their hand up to ask for help I'm being blamed...

You are not being blamed. You are being asked if with 2 small children there may be a possibility that they were being effected by noise transferance from your property when this behaviour started. As for stalking, you do know what that is right? Please don't water down the abject horror experienced by real victims of stalking. Harassment is not stalking.