To be annoyed at text from colleague?

[200degrees]

My husband died 10 days ago. I am taking compassionate leave from work and my GP gave me a month fit note.

A non-management colleague just text messaged me asking which manager is “checking in with me” whilst my boss isn’t at work with a 2nd text “hope you’re okay” sent 20 minutes afterwards. The condolences felt insincere with the time gap between messages, but I am mainly annoyed as I have been off work for a total of 5 days so far - as part of my compassionate leave. My sick leave will start after this ends. I didn’t know my manager was on leave so actually called him and spoke to him this morning and he was like don’t worry about work at all. We spoke before this on Friday.

Therefore I don’t think anyone needs to be “checking in” with me, especially after the conversation I had with my manager this morning. No other manager has contacted me. I’m annoyed that random people in the office know my situation, feel like I’m being gossiped about. It seems like my manager has not done a proper handover about my situation to another manager (if he needed to that is?) but has been telling people why I’m not at work. It’s also clear that no one has contacted him for an update on me but are happy to contact me directly whilst I’m also on leave and grieving?

Do I respond to the text or ignore?

It’s tricky because none of us know what this colleague is like, as I’d feel differently if it was from a long term close colleague to if it was the office busybody.

I might reply to her with “I’m off work until DATE, please speak to Manager if you need any work assistance. I’m in contact with Manager if there’s anything I do need to be aware of. Otherwise please respect that I would prefer not to be contacted during my time off. Thanks for your understanding.”

It’s polite but clear, not burning bridges, etc

I hope you have support, my condolences and I hope the time off helps you.

I’d tell HR that you feel the message was inappropriate considering the person who sent it isn’t a friend and it was your understanding that all ‘,check up’ if necessary would be done via HR.

Screenshot it and send it to your manager. No more. I am so so sorry for your loss

I agree with the people saying they think your colleague meant well, she's perhaps suddenly realised your boss is off on holiday and worried nobody was looking after you / keeping in touch to check you were ok. You don't have to reply if you are not comfortable but I don't think it came from a bad place. I'm sure people are talking about you but it will only be with care - its always incredibly sad if someone at work loses a close relative, it makes everybody stop and think and most people don't know what to say. Some will say nothing and that can appear cold and heartless, some (like this colleague) might be a bit clumsy but I'm sure there are very people in this world who would mean to upset you further at this very sad time. I'm sorry for your loss and glad you are taking the time to look after yourself just now, work can wait x

I'm so sorry OP

just wondering how this person got your number.

if they didn't get it from you at some point, I''d ask your manager to ensure that your number is not given out to anyone.

@200degrees as this is CS she is way out of line. Based on my lengthy HR experience in CS that was a fishing email. Ignore.

NHS trust in work in makes weekly contact to make sure employee is ok and see if they need anything like a referral to occupational therapy or counselling etc.

Perhaps person feels work shpuld be supporting you. Who knows. Message isnt terrible and probably a clumsy attempt to make contact in a terrible situation.

i am sorry for your loss.
she was checking who was in contact with you - assume she didnt have the full details.
feel free to ignore and take care of yourself

I think there are lots of mountains being made out of a very small molehill on this thread none of which are helping the OP.

None of us can possibly know whether the colleague was well intentioned, if a little clumsy, or genuinely is an interfering busy body.

OP, people behave strangely and awkwardly and sometimes not in a way they normally would when faced with the bereaved.

I would ignore her, put it to the back of your mind and in honesty, I'd probably hide this thread because there are posters who seem hell bent on whipping up a frenzy, you don't need that right now.

We would keep in touch with someone who had suffered a bereavement, but only from a checking to see if they need anything point of view, and certainly not after only a few days.

What we wouldn’t do is tell everyone in the office the reason for someone’s absence (unless they specifically asked us to) and we wouldn’t allow an office random to make contact, only an experienced member of HR.

There is nothing to worry about here and you are fine to ignore. This person has severely overstepped and I would consider making a complaint to HR when you return to work.

I am so terribly sorry for your loss, deepest condolences and I hope you find some peace as you mourn the passing of your husband.

While you are grieving, you may want to extend some grace to those who don't know the form or how best to express or handle themselves.

Ask your supervisor to make sure everyone knows you are on leave, and that during this time you will not be responding to office related questions or text messages. With the exception of speaking with him, no one should expect you to engage in work matters.

You should also make sure your out of office is on, and add an auto response to your text replies - directing work related inquiries to your supervisor and making them aware that you are on bereavement leave and will not responding.

Clearly, your feelings were hurt by your co-workers message, and I am so sorry this happened. But for your piece of mind, I would suggest you chalk it up to someone who is naïve and move on to think about more important things.

Sending gentle and supportive thoughts your way as you navigate this terrible time in your life.