To call my daughter’s manager

[Bunnyfuller]

DD is 16 and is doing her first part time job, working as a Barista at a chain coffee shop. She was given her contracts to sign a few weeks ago, and given an employee handbook. In it it says pay should go up once ‘customer trained’ and again when barista trained. She’s definitely completed the assessments for both of these, and when she asked the shop manager about the rise as laid out in the handbook, the manager said ‘oh, I think that’s wrong, that book is from last year’.

Nothing since. I’ve said to DD to ask for the most current handbook, but immediately got bellowed at for hassling. She just says she’ll quit if her pay doesn’t go up.

I’d like to get to the bottom of it. Would it be very bad of me to call the manager and ask for clarification? There seems to be quite widespread exploitation of these kids starting out, her friend got similarly underpaid by a chain garden centre, and she just quit.

YABU - don’t call, if your daughter accepts it, or quits, it’s her choice

YANBU - a quiet request for the current handbook will let the manager know you’re onto her

'Mollycoddling', 'interfering', 'snowflakes' - really? Have any of the posters on here actually ever been in the workplace? The upper hand is always with the employer and not the employee, and certainly at 16, being able to challenge and face up to your boss is always going to be tricky, well, even at any age. Instead of telling the mum to butt out and the daughter to sort out her own problems, workplace issues like this need to be a team effort. Is the same situation happening in other branches or to other young members of staff in the same branch? It seems like exploitation to me, and if it was my daughter, I'd also be livid, not tell her "Off you go and sort it out yourself, Dearie." What do teens (or most of us) know about employment law, contractual obligations, employee rights, exploitation and so on?

As this is a well-known chain, I'd say contact head office to find out what the actual terms and conditions are of passing the assessments, perhaps inform them of what's happening anonymously and also see if there are other shared stories out there of similar exploitation. It's not a good look for a high street name to be treating their young employees in this way. You can find out the information for your daughter and then together come up with an action plan. Good on your daughter for questioning this and coming to you about it - but definitely don't call the manager. You will make her life even more difficult at work.

3 months this Friday and DS is still training. Supposed to end this Friday. Hardly any training been given but he’s happy and on a decent wage so is keeping his head down and will just stay as a trainee. It’s brilliant pay £9.50 an hour at 16 and I think only goes up by 25p once traînée removed. I’ve asked him to ask why no training being done and he told me to butt out in not so many words !

this is a battle mummy can’t do I’m afraid ! She has to do along

*alone

My apologies, I misread.

However, no doubt your daughter is frustrated by it, unsure and lashed out at the messenger.

You definitely could talk through her options with her.
But if she insists on leaving, it would not be the end of it for me.

She is a minor and there is no way I would allow any of my minors be taken advantage of.

A couple of years ago my friend was so pissed off as her student daughter did a couple of trial shifts in a local well known hotel. They went well and it was very busy.

She was told however that she didn't get the job at this time, and when she asked for payment for the 12 hours worked she was told it was a "trial".

She did query it but was brushed off with "standard industry practice".

She was 17, what did she know.

My friend was furious.

Emailed the hotel manager and told him she would be collecting her daughters pay from reception with her the following morning, and he had better be prepared for the absolute ructions she would cause if it wasn't waiting for her.

The money was in an envelope with a note apologising for the "confusion and miscommunication".

My arse.
My friends daughter got a great lesson from her mother in standing up for what is right.
Children can learn by example.

My DD (17) has a p/t job at a chain of restaurants- I have been v v tempted to say sth to her manager but haven't/ won't
Instead we have a sort of practice at what she can say
It's good life skills for them!
I think (IMO) and of course I only have her side of the story that she was being bullied (not the only one) but another manager is now being investigated for sexual harassment and the original manager is ok now!

@Bunnyfuller, psychologically, what you're doing is called "Lawnmower parenting". It ends up making kids VERY weak individuals mentally because they don't get to exercise their problem-solving muscles. Instead, parents pave the way for their children and when the children actually reach a situation where they have to solve an issue on their own, they don't know how, they develop anxiety and they have issues! Let your child fight those battles so they can learn how. If they ask for your help, provide it, but don't take away your kid's right to LEARN how things are supposed to work! You can't be with them all through life as they navigate tough issues, so let them figure things out on their own! You stepping in sends the message to your child that you think they are incompetent and can't handle themselves. Give your kid the information, but let them figure out the appropriate move on their own without you trying to pave the way! Your kid is going to have a lot of jobs. They need to learn how to navigate issues like this. Don't weaken your child by trying to pave the way all the time.

Thank you, more recent posters. I did say 1 page in ‘thank you, I will take the advice’.

I have made it clear to DD I can help, in whatever way she may want me to. If she doesn’t want to do anything, then neither will I.

Weirdly, this is the first time I’ve been a parent, and I was off the day they gave out manuals! I won’t do anything uninvited but fuck me, it’s appalling in this day and age that kids are still exploited.

They’re a chain in just the county I live in, thus the possibility of crappy HR practices. It’s one bloke who is MD. There’s no numbers you can call, just the branches, so will be waiting it out and follow DD’s lead.

judt seems a dreadful message to send to our young people trying to get a work ethic. Work hard and we’ll rip you off.

I think at sixteen you can get involved, if she was eighteen I might say to let her deal with it. I don't think there's any harm in ringing head office to query it in a neutral way.

Oh my gosh OP! You remind me of my mum! When I was 16 and working in a coffee shop, I was asked to do overtime and work every evening as well.as weekends. I was mulling it over and my mum called my boss to say that I wouldn't be doing it as I needed to focus on my A levels. I was mortified. Extremely embarrassing.

Please be kind to your DD and, to put it politely, butt out!!!!

What did you decide OP? I feel quite invested as my daughter is a similar age, and will be getting a Saturday job soon. She does manage the relationship with her voluntary job manager pretty well, but if money was involved I know she would just put up anything rather than bring it up. Sixteen is pretty young to negotiate employment issues IMO.
Hope it's all going well 😊

Hi @MsPrism

i spoke to DD, who was happy for me to ask a question anonymously on Twitter. The manager had mumbled about the staff handbook being out of date, so I just asked if the handbook pay rates are correct, and what date is the most up to date staff handbook. They answered very promptly, and the information in the one the manager gave my daughter is correct.

Interestingly, the hourly rate that the manager told my daughter she is on doesn’t even appear in the book! She’s also never received a payslip. My DD is working this weekend and is going to ask her fellow workers a few things, and is going to ask the manager what rate she is on, and that she has checked with head office and the book is the current one. I think she also has an an HR email address she can write to. So, she’s giving the manager a chance to resolve it with her this weekend. If that doesn’t happen I think she will want me to help her take things further.

I totally agree, I would say the average 16 year old would not be comfortable or knowledgeable enough to negotiate this. She’s not keen on confrontation (unless it’s me then it’s a free for all!). I think these unscrupulous managers/employers rely on exactly that and take the piss. If my DD does end up just walking I will absolutely communicating with them about what took place. For me it’s just another example of how the UK just expects to be screwed, and just put up with it. Let’s face it, any adult could outfox a 16 yr old with bullshit baffles brains, and they just don’t have the experience or confidence to navigate it. It only comes with age and wider world experience. For me, all this is currently teaching her (reinforcing actually, she’s very knowledgeable about what’s going on in the world, and her own country) is that if you’re the bottom of the pile expect the top to fuck you over. I get allowing them to learn, them needing to learn, but if her only tool is to walk after the manager bullshits her again, I’m not sure much has been achieved.

It is up to your daughter to request the handbook. She has to learn to live in an adult world. If she is old enough to work, she is old enough to stand up for herself

If that doesn’t happen I think she will want me to help her take things further.

It’s irrelevant if she wants you to take things further if her employer won’t speak to you.

You are not their employee, so they do not have to.

I manage in a multinational business who regularly recruits 16-18 year olds and is highly regarded for it. We do not discuss anything with parents - they are not our employees and it is not their business.

She has the handbook. It was on reading the handbook she identified the issues around her pay. She politely queried it, by text (they all communicate by text when not in work). The manager ignored the text. A week later she texted again. This time the manager blustered and said ‘oh, I think that was last year, I think the handbook is out of date’. She promised to check. That was 3 weeks ago.

Which brought me to post here. I honestly don’t know any 16 year old who would have the words to navigate this situation, particularly if the manager continues to be evasive. In fact, I know adults who would not feel able to confront this in the way it looks like it needs!

I have said several times now, throughout the thread, that I have taken on board the general flavour of replies here, and will NOT step in. But, should my DD quit her job because she is being screwed on her wages, I WILL be taking it up with the company, if for no other reason that there may be something amiss with what is going on at the branch. DH and I both work for the police, husband investigates fraud, and all things are sadly not just possible, but all too common. If I approach the company it will merely be to provide the situation, and not in my professional capacity.

I won’t be calling the manager, btw. I appreciate that they don’t have to speak to me. But DD has said she is ok for me to help her write emails etc. if she leaves, to ensure the company are aware, particularly of things like my daughter being on an hourly rate nearly £2 less than the lowest one in the company staff handbook.

I honestly don’t know any 16 year old who would have the words to navigate this situation

I’ve seen lots come and go over the years that are more than capable of being able to handle something like that.

They tend to be the ones who have been taught how to navigate social and work situations on their own without their parents stepping in as well as the ones able to manage their own emotional well-being.

Gotta love MN, if you give a sliver of room for a dig….

My children are ok, thank you. You also @YellowTreeHouse might have noticed I’ve repeatedly said I WON’T be stepping in.

OMG, do not do this. I’ll never forget when I was 16 and a lad didn’t get taken on after Christmas (I did) His dad stormed up to the manager with his son in tow and demanded to know why, with us all sniggering and the boy looking like he wanted the ground to swallow him up. 25 years later I still remember that 😆

OK, Boomer

They won't speak to you as you are not the employee. This is one of those times where you have to just step back and let her deal with it.

Besides it won't win her any respect to have her mum phone up to fight her battles for her. She is old enough to have a job so she is old enough to deal with the admin involved. She might just surprise you.

I can only apologise for saying I WON’T be stepping in, for the 55899534th time.

with love, RTFT

I know you won’t be stepping in. I didn’t say you would.

Your children may be ok, but your daughter at least needs to work on her confidence and assertiveness, which are skills she should have by now.

@Bunnyfuller when my ds wasn't being paid (at all) because of an admin fail I composed an email and sent it to my ds suggesting he send it. He eventually did and it got sorted. No need to call. Better to have the question and answer in writing in case you need to take it further later.

You do know @YellowTreeHouse that not everyone is assertive and confident, and it doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you if you are?

Good idea @grubbyneez kind of there 😊

OP,
I am glad you intend to take action if this isn't resolved.
She has been lied to and fobbed off by the manager.

I think it would be helpful to get proof by text that "the book is out of date" from the manger as proof of her lies.

This can indeed be a teaching moment for your daughter, not accepting being given the run a round, engaging with HR, the bottom line being, you are not allowing her to be taken advantage of.

Good luck.