To call my daughter’s manager

[Bunnyfuller]

DD is 16 and is doing her first part time job, working as a Barista at a chain coffee shop. She was given her contracts to sign a few weeks ago, and given an employee handbook. In it it says pay should go up once ‘customer trained’ and again when barista trained. She’s definitely completed the assessments for both of these, and when she asked the shop manager about the rise as laid out in the handbook, the manager said ‘oh, I think that’s wrong, that book is from last year’.

Nothing since. I’ve said to DD to ask for the most current handbook, but immediately got bellowed at for hassling. She just says she’ll quit if her pay doesn’t go up.

I’d like to get to the bottom of it. Would it be very bad of me to call the manager and ask for clarification? There seems to be quite widespread exploitation of these kids starting out, her friend got similarly underpaid by a chain garden centre, and she just quit.

YABU - don’t call, if your daughter accepts it, or quits, it’s her choice

YANBU - a quiet request for the current handbook will let the manager know you’re onto her

if she was 23 I would say back off but 16 I'd still class as a child. She needs to be helped to not be exploited.

At the coffee chain DS worked at, kids under 18 were on a completely different rate of pay. It went up when they were 18.

This.

Give ACAS a call for clarification on her rights.

You are her legal guardian and have every right to not allow her to be exploited.

Her daughter has advocated for herself and been brushed off and bellowed at to shut her down.

The OP needs to tell ACAS that and also infor head office.

I would not tolerate my child being exploited in this way.

If her daughter decides to leave that is her choice, either way, I would report and complain.

Mine occasionally still come to me with work issues.

I just give them advice for example in your dd’s case for her to contact HR. Details will be available either by Googling the company or looking at all the documents in depth including payslips.

At times I have also suggested to continue working there but look elsewhere for employment. Life is too short to stay somewhere that you feel undervalued.

YABVU to call them. At 16 she needs to deal with it with your support, advice and suggestions. I would have been mortified if my mum had called for me.

Helping her write an email is a good idea.

Yet another vote for 'give advice if she asks for it, but otherwise keep out'.

There may be reasons why your DD wouldn't want you to be involved. One of my DC once claimed at a similar age that they had a job which they hadn't actually got, so anything is possible.

Wait for her to ask for your help, and then give it without demur or "I told you so"s.

I had a job at a well-known (and expensive) garden centre when I was 17. When I asked a manager for the raise we had been promised, she accused me and another teenage employee of stealing from the till. So we walked out and never went back. It took me years before I could bring myself to go back to that place, and even then I just took DC to the free zoo and never bought anything. They owners were a greedy family and the whole place was run on exploiting teenagers.

With my mentor head on I actually think this is brilliant. Your daughter is completely correct that she can just find another job and move on with no repercussions, so the stakes are extremely low. It's a lovely learning opportunity. In my opinion there are only two bad outcomes: 1 nothing changes (and she learns to put up with crap employers), 2 you fix it for her (and she learns that she can't do it herself). IMO its your job as a parent to make sure these two things dont happen.

All other outcomes are decent. She could find another job, or have another go at fixing it herself, perhaps with a bit of guidance from you on talking through the options/drafting emails/practicing what to say (only if she is open to this).

The painful part for you will likely be that she won't do it as well or as quickly as you could... but that's what she is learning to take to the next situation. Good luck!

I understand how you feel but don't do it, do support her. A similar thing happened with my DD, she had been working for over a year, she was doing A levels but was working up to30 hrs a week (I know mad but she got A in all her A levels and there weren't A*s back then.) So she had an operation and was off work. First they said she wasn't entitled to SSP, I gave her the information and she went to them and asked for it. She got a tiny amount, I ran a payroll and knew what she should get, so again I gave her the relevant information and she quoted it to the manager, he knew nothing about how SSP worked so promised to speak to whoever was doing their pay (it was a chain.) Again they paid her some SSP but not all of it. I got her a print out from ACAS and told her she should tell them she was going to ACAS if she didn't get her money. They paid her.

Shortly afterwards they told her they didn't need her as there were cutbacks, no problem she had her resignation letter in her hand as she was off to uni.

Lots of places try to exploit people who don't know their rights but she needs to sort it. I hope she gets her pay rise.

@billy1966 The DD bellowed at her Mum when she tried to help, it wasn’t the manager bellowing at the DD.

I agree with PP’s that an email from your DD asking for clarification would be the best way to go so you she’ll have a record of the correspondence. But, it’s up to get whether she wants to pursue it.

I was coming on here feeling my view was against the grain, so to speak. But I do agree with @billy1966 and @BatteryPoweredMammy .

yes she is 16 but at 16 you are still legally a child but more importantly you haven't got the life skills and the Experiences to deal with this. Especially after the last 2 years or so, a lot of our adolescent dc haven't had the growing up time they need.

I’d talk it through if course and advise - but if it didn’t get better I would call Head office. This is not making our DC into snowflakes it’s showing them that these situations are bullying and when simple talking / polite enquiry doesn't work you can escalate these things in an adult way through adult/professional channels.

In my situation my DS worked in a hospitality role in a conference centre, he was 15 /16 and worked evening shifts 5-9 or 6-10.

Over the months the finishing hours went ( unofficially) from 9 or 10pm ( as per contract) to having to stay until 11, then midnight and then 12:30 each shift. Although his hours were posted on the rota 5-9 or 6-10. All this time I was collecting him from this job as he was 15/16 going there straight from school, could not drive, no bus route.
Plus this was on school nights so he was getting up next day after 6 hours sleep.

The staff were predominantly his age, with they were not having adequate breaks and being told by the manager they couldn’t leave until everything was ‘done’ ( they were understaffed) . He asked many times to be allowed to leave at his finish time and it was always denied.

I also believe that they were actually breaking the law on the length of hours and times a young person was permitted to work.

I sat outside in the car thinking I need to leave it to him, he has to learn about the ‘ working world’. A few times he came out to me to say ‘ go home mum
i won’t be ready for another hour or so’ and the managers knew that parents were waiting for the 2 or 3 teenagers they had on shift.

But when the finishing time slipped into regularly 1.00am from a 5 pm start I am afraid I did step in. I called the head office of this very large catering firm ( they are massive and do school kitchens as well as corporate business catering) I explained to the HR dept who I was and that I understood that my DS was the employee and I really had no right to call them, but requested they hear my summary of what was happening, they did listen, and I left it with them. I did point out that they would be able to check and corroborate what I was saying as they would tell by the pay being given to the young people. I did also query the legality of hrs being worked with them too.
Within 48 hours the whole situation changed, all the DC working (of my DS age) from that day never worked past the end of their planned shift, ever. I can only assume that head office took immediate action to investigate and the manager was, in no uncertain terms told to fall in line with company policy.

Oh nonsense! If they haven't any experience of the workplace then they need help and guidance.

My first job in 1970 was for a national bank in their London city office. They invited my mum to come along and had a chat with her after the interview!

But your son could have done that. Give him the phone number, talk through what he needs to say and he would get the same result as you and he would know he had sorted it.

I realise why your upset but please don't mollycoddle your dd especially if she's asked you not to. I have a friend who's mum has always babied her. We're in our 30's now. I won't bore you with the stories (which might be outing too) but she still interferes with everything we do as a friendship group. We find it suffocating. In fact I've blocked the mum from all contact avenues now to avoid her BS. My friend is a sweetheart but also an anxious wreck who's both co-dependent on her mum still but clearly feels suffocated by her at the same time. Let the above be a cautionary tale and please just back off and let her work things out for herself.

You are quite right @ancientgran ! I was just so pissed off at the time when it was all happening!

MYOB and stop helicopterparenting.

She can decide for herself whether to work or walk.

I was shocked at how badly both my daughters were treated at their coffee shop jobs. It was really shocking. I'd have loved to go in and give the manager some advice!! I'd have resigned if I were them.

One thing that really annoyed me was that the tips were not given to staff on probation and that probation kept getting longer and longer. Both girls were responsible for opening the stores so I don't think it's that they weren't thought of as irresponsible. They regularly worked 12 hour days back to back with only a 20 minute break per day. They worked in extremely busy but short staffed stores so were busy and on their feet the whole time. Thankfully they were only stop gap jobs before starting grad schemes.

Cafe Nero was one of the stores.

I'd err on the side of caution here OP. While I appreciate wanting to advocate for your DD the employer will most likely refuse to deal with you anyway. Plenty of employers use teens as cheap labour with out consideration so its right that you are aware and advising, but the outcome will be far better if she does it herself.
You do of course also need to consider the fact that you only gave your DDS perspective on this. While there are plenty of teens (and adults of course) that work hard, are punctual and do what's asked of them there are plenty who's parents are totally oblivious to the fact that they may not be seeing the whole picture. For every pain in the backside employee I've ever had I'd guarantee I'd be the bad guy in their version of events.

Oh I get that, I was bloody furious when they were messing my DD about with her SSP. I treated it like a learning opportunity for her, I gave her all the bullets and taught her how to fire them. I actually wanted to go in and wipe the floor with them.

My ds has a job that was underpaid (wage hasn't increased from when a friend's ds did the job 6 years prior!) I kept saying he needed to have a conversation about pay with his boss but he refused. He eventually quit as he was so sick of working for so little and someone we know got the job at a higher rate having negiated his pay. Ds is still irritated now but there is no way I was getting involved - if you're old enough to have a job you're old enough to have a potentially awkward conversation about pay and if not up to your dc if they quit.

Try finding out for her or supporting her in contacting their HR department as a first course of action. Hope that works out.

If not, a few well phrased tweets and perhaps contact with your local MP (assuming not one of the nasty wing of the Tories) to embarrass them might be an option, and if your daughter does leave, a claim for unpaid wages.

yes she is 16 but at 16 you are still legally a child but more importantly you haven't got the life skills and the Experiences to deal with this. Especially after the last 2 years or so, a lot of our adolescent dc haven't had the growing up time they need.

But this is how they grow up, through this kind of learning experience. This is a really good, low risk, opportunity to develop those life skills. But not if mum sorts it all out for you.

First, we don't.

Second, it isn't.

And third, not being of that generation, I'm quite happy to suggest you're quite unpleasant.

It's very disempowering for parents to jump in and try to solve their dc's problems. It sends a clear message to our kids that they're not capable of dealing with things for themselves. Much better, IMHO, to coach and support them through addressing it by themselves. E.g. talking through options and supporting them to consider the possible implications of those options, helping them to draft emails or rehearse what they want to say etc. That way, they develop the skills that they need to manage their own problems and the confidence that they can manage stuff for themselves.