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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what you sibling relationship are like

142 replies

Fluffycow78 · 24/09/2022 21:25

Good or bad?

OP posts:
Citygirlrurallife · 24/09/2022 22:41

It’s good - we fought like cat and dog as teenagers but he’s been my rock at times and I’ve been his. We’re very different people but we love each other and respect each other. We text most days and chat probably every two weeks, I’ve lived abroad for the last 10years and he has been so amazing about me moving back. Very lucky

Chattycathydoll · 24/09/2022 22:45

I love my brother dearly, though we hardly ever speak or see each other. He has ASD (was diagnosed asbergers when that was a thing) and doesn’t do small talk or catch ups, is perfectly fine getting on with his own life then being friendly when we see each other. Now he has a NT wife I hear more about their lives from her which is handy so I know when to schedule visits.

He has a lovely relationship with my DD. Her gregariousness and genuine interest in other people works really well with him: she’s happy to prod him onto one of his preferred topics and will actively listen, even if it’s not something she is interested in (a good life skill generally I think). He enjoys teaching her things but also has a respect for her that means he’s willing to learn from her too, even things like listening to her list new pokemon evolutions. They get along so well because of this, I think. He’s not just another relative who says ‘oooh look how tall you’re getting! How is school? Do you keep your bedroom tidy?’ He treats her like a person in her own right. He also takes her kid type questions seriously- ‘do you like lizards?’ Will be answered fully, including favourite type of lizard and what’s interesting about it. I didn’t expect them to get along so well as he doesn’t generally like children because they’re often busy and loud, but DD is very good with people and is happy to contain her busy-loudness around him. Even as a toddler, she was fond of him and would calm herself down for him.

Betsyboo87 · 24/09/2022 22:51

One brother, we live in different countries so only see each other a few times a year. We get on well though and keep in regular contact.

On the other hand DH has a sister who he doesn’t get on with at all. She’s an extremely difficult person to be around which we suspect, in part, is to do with MH issues. Offers of support have never been accepted but we do always see her when we are local (maybe twice per year).

recklessgran · 24/09/2022 22:56

Second of four. I'm estranged from all of them in fact none of them speak to each other either. I blame my narcissist mother who played everyone off against each other.

hiredandsqueak · 24/09/2022 22:56

I have two half siblings and three siblings. I text one of my siblings occasionally (about two or three times a year). I probably wouldn't recognise my half siblings tbh even though we grew up in the same house. One of them I last saw twenty three years ago and didn't recognise her then (she had to tell me who she was) and I'd seen her twelve years before that, the other I've not seen for twenty three years either. (my father's/their stepfather's funeral) I don't dislike any of them, well I disliked half sister when we knew each other, but don't feel I have anything in common with them.

coolmintblue · 24/09/2022 22:57

I've never had much of a relationship with my brother, and he only turns up to family gatherings seemingly out of a sense of obligation, he turns up and can't leave fast enough. He moved abroad a few years ago and I barely see him now (don't have any direct contact with him even through email/messaging).

I used to get on OK with my two sisters, although not exactly close and never had anything in common with either of them. This year I've decided to cut contact as I only want to have people around me who I really value and have meaningful relationships with. Life is a lot more streamlined now and I focus on my DH and DCs.

Enko · 24/09/2022 23:02

I live 1000 miles from both sister and brother.. we get on well enough when together like last weekend for my bonus dads birthday party. I never speak w brother in-between meet ups. He may like a Facebook post and I his but that's it. Speak sporadically with sister.

I do love them both and feel they do me but. I don't miss them in my everyday life.

Wotcha23 · 24/09/2022 23:03

Mine are all lovely people and I enjoy time with them, and their significant others so much. I’m lucky.

MooseBreath · 24/09/2022 23:08

I have 2 brothers. I get along really well with my youngest brother, but we don't live close to each other and go months without talking. If we lived nearer, we would be friends and likely see each other weekly. Other brother and I are ok with each other in small doses but disagree on a lot of big things. Again, we don't live close at all and don't tend to call each other except for special occasions.

TinaYouFatLard · 24/09/2022 23:11

DSis is my best friend and the most important person in my life after DCs.

Cheeselog · 24/09/2022 23:12

Me and my sibling: awful as children but ok now - not friends per se but we hang out sometimes (don’t live in the same city though)
DP and sibling: adequate as children but basically no relationship now
I’m always surprised on MN to see people that put so much stock on giving their child a sibling. I think why? No one I know is close with their siblings as an adult and siblings as children spend more time squabbling than playing nicely together!

Cheerybigbottom · 24/09/2022 23:15

My siblings are a financial and emotional drain on me, I support them through their self induced many crises due to a promise to parents and obligation.

My DH is on nodding terms with his, just no bad feelings,just very different people

PiffleWiffleWoozle · 24/09/2022 23:15

I would be there for my sibling if needed and am sure they would be there for me in an emergency.

However have given up with having a functional day to day relationship as they never bother replying to me when I get in touch.

This is probably because they are really busy but it feels a bit rude and I don’t see it changing. So have stopped being bothered about it and see it as it is.

caramelsauce · 24/09/2022 23:15

3 sisters we are all close in age and get on very well. Speak every day and see two of them at least once every week and the other probably every other day. We hated each other as kids and had lots of fights but as we got older became closer. As we all live in the same place we also all have the same friendship group so do lots of things all together.

MummyJasmin · 24/09/2022 23:18

Not good. They live very locally also, which makes it sad.
Reason: My mum is a narc. Every since I can remember I've always been the scapegoat and sister directly below the golden child. The younger 2 her flying monkeys.

TinyLittleBug · 24/09/2022 23:19

My DB is one of my best friends. I hope my own DC will feel the same way about each other.

Bycandlelight22 · 24/09/2022 23:20

I have 7 siblings only talk to 1.

AloysiusBear · 24/09/2022 23:22

Love my siblings.

MarpleFan · 24/09/2022 23:27

I’m incredibly lucky with my siblings. I’m the only child from my parent’s marriage, but both were married before, so I have 6 half-siblings. As far as I am concerned they are my full brothers and sisters and we get on incredibly well. We are very lucky, and probably unusual, with this. We all chat most days in one way or another.

theGreatYuan · 24/09/2022 23:35

Didn't interact at all as kids apart from fighting over who got to watch tv in the living room. Now that we're all adults we have a friendly chat if we run into each other at weddings or funerals.

My mum and her siblings all hate each other and my Dad hates one of his siblings and tolerates the other for family gatherings so I guess they just never thought to encourage any kind of relationship.

flingingmelon · 24/09/2022 23:42

One sister, see annually, tough relationship. Our parents marriage was horrible and we were always pitted against each other. It makes me sad but I don't think the desire to change things is really there.

Three half siblings that vanished after our mutual parent died.

I do wonder whether we would have better relationships - if our parents hadn't been so bad at them.

DarkShade · 24/09/2022 23:43

You first OP...

Icanflyhigh · 24/09/2022 23:49

Younger brother, fairly close to him and we see each other relatively often.

Elder sister, can't stand her, have been NC for years until mum was diagnosed with terminal illness. Reached out, made a tentative peace with her, short lived as she continued to be the same narcissistic, selfish, lying and vindictive person she has always been.
Throughout mums illness she saw her a handful of times, on the day mum.died she asked for a copy of the will. It was refused and she didn't bother coming to mums funeral.

If I ever see her again it will be too soon.

Brother has the same (non) relationship with this sister.

Zombiemum1946 · 24/09/2022 23:56

They're very capable and intelligent people who I had trusted, respected, loved, and thought would be there despite physical distance. That fell apart at my worst point for a number of reasons. Speak maybe once a year if that. I miss them, but its likely for the best. I feel bad for my children as they have few relatives as it is, and had my siblings and I been closer I feel my children would have benefited hugely. Sad, but that's life. I'm never derogatory of them in front of my kids, whatever our issues, that's between us and not my, nor their kids. When my father dies I will no longer have any contact with, or information on, how their lives are going.

Loopielu · 25/09/2022 00:03

4 of us, we all get along amazingly we're best friends, as are our 7 children. Feel very fortunate.