To feel like I've been "brainwashed" by my DH

[RitaHi]

My DH has become the type of person who believes the covid vaccine is a way to depopulate.

He puts all his money into cryptocurrency.
He has spent more money than we have on "supplies" such as tinned food and weapons.
He genuinely believes that he has some inside knowledge into the future of the world and needs to "protect" us from it.

We have 400 tins of beans, 200 tins of tuna, hundreds of kg of rice, and it's taking up a whole room in our house.

We had a big chat last night and I said I wasn't on board and could no longer live this way. He agreed to donate half the food to the food bank (which would be about £3000 worth of food.)

Today he's changed his mind and says there is no harm in stockpiling food and he's keeping all of it.

I've tried so many times. He's gone down the rabbit hole and I don't think I can bring him back.

What would you do? I'm so lost 😞

The following every word from "Orange Jesus"* as gospel is IMHO indicative of mental illness. The whole prepper mentality can certainly at times seem a reasonable reaction, but can become almost obsessive-compulsive. How long can rice reliably last, after all?

I'm in the US and there's way too many of my fellow Americans who are disciples of that deranged toddler. I feel they've allowed themselves to be brainwashed because they don't actually want to think.

*Liz Cheney (R) revealed that one of her fellow Republican congresspersons said, when signing something to show support for T when he was still Prez, "The things we have to do for Orange Jesus". I disagree with almost every policy stance she takes, but when it comes to T and his corruption, that woman is a ROCK.

He's scared and this is his way of making himself feel more in control.

We live in scary times and our threat response is beong repeatedly activated. Without the appropriate skills to control his emotions he is doing the next best thing and trying to control his environment (which is impossible so he will keep spinning out) and looking to a leader for direction and validation (look up Bion's basic assumptions).

Youll need to validate his fears and he will need to find a more adaptive way to manage his anxiety before he will let go of the only coping mechanism he has got to make himself feel safe.

Mindfulness and radical acceptance are needed.

You cant change him and he wont chnage until he feels safe.

He needs help but if he refuses, there is nothing you can do.

You need to think about yourself.Are you prepared to live like this forever ?

Having those weapons is certainly scary.

What do his family , sibliings etc make of it?

You cannot live like this. Please leave. You know he won't starve for sure.

Well even Donald Trump never told anyone to stockpile hundreds of cans in the spare room. It seems strange that someone outside this country would be interested in Donald Trump as his policies and ideas don’t apply outside of the US.

But he’s been listening to someone else for these ideas.

I know you're all right, it's just so difficult after such a long time. I didn't get the covid vaccine because he persuaded me not to. Sometimes I think, "well, maybe he's right." But I know deep down he's not and I don't want to live in a constant state of waiting for the worst to happen.

You have no children and you rent. You have options.

When something feels impossible, you break it down into smaller chunks. Go for a long walk today. Start reading about the vaccine from serious medical sources. Look into room rentals. Book a weekend away by yourself.

You don't have to do this in one big leap. But I think this relationship is over, because this is no way to live.

OP, this is no way to live and you know it.

This will not get better. You need to divorce him.

Our very good friends have embraced the donald trump is marvellous kind of mindset even though they don't live in America! Also no jabs ,think its part of a great reset.no reasoning with them .I think they are quite ill. Once they start believing this stuff it's all downhill .maybe as you say 16 years is a long time but you don't have dc and are renting, maybe think about where you can move to ,maybe family or friends for a while. Just see it as a break .he may get jolted into action, but maybe don't bank on it.very sad situation

I'd leave. I couldn't live with someone who's this detached from the truth

OP - I helped a friend escape from a situation like yours. It is going to get very bad for you - I would quietly get out. Sadly these people often don’t pass the mental health thresholds required to get help.
He has been radicalised basically and getting out of that is not a linear process. There is nothing you can do for him but you cannot play along with this any longer.
I would also believe you are being emotionally abused if you didn’t get the vaccine because of him. Get the vaccine and tell him - you’ll see his true colours then.

My ex was a bit like this and still is. The problem is there is always a grain of truth at the centre of it that is less extreme and so it’s hard not to be influenced by them. For example with Covid - my ex claimed from the start that restrictions and masks were to experiment on controlling the population and it was nothing more than a cold. A couple years on and maybe there is a truth in that view point. So people with extreme views can make others doubt themselves.

I’ve been split with my ex over 10 years and I can see the way he manipulates to get others to see his view. I have to be really careful to give my children a balanced view as he tries to influence them, especially around vaccines etc.

My ex also has weapons such as crossbows but he wouldn’t hurt anyone, they would be for hunting food if society collapsed. I’d imagine your partner is viewing them the same way.

If you stay with him you either need to be rock solid in your own views and accept you can’t change his views or leave.

I've just told him I'm going to get the vaccine and now he's not speaking to me.

He said excess deaths are up 1200% and I'm ridiculous for wanting to take an experimental vaccine; we don't know what's going to happen in 3-5 years etc etc.

I can agree to disagree with him on some points, but he doesn't seem to extend the same courtesy to me.

He’s not thinking in a sane and logical way OP.

This is a strange thread. Why would you get the Covid vaccine now? Just to spite him? Covid is over and more and more news comes out every day about the adverse effects of the vaccine. Most governments and the media seem to have adopted an embarrased silence about the whole debacle. Yet now, today, you want to get the vaccine? Whatever for?

I couldn't live with a whole room filled with beans though. Get him to start eating them.

@RitaHi meet @GeorgiaDe

www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4615697-dh-has-completely-changed

Sounds like you have a few things in common.

Sounds like he has gone down the rabbit hole of internet conspiracy theories and has swallowed all the bs, and has utterly convinced himself that this is true.
To me thinking that governments could be in control of anything is just laughable, but unfortunately some people like your husband cannot think rationally.
Tbh I think you need to leave

Scatterolight - what are you talking about? The vaccines have saved thousands of lives. Th UK has been (rightly) proud of our leadership in developing the vaccines.

Many people are having boosters in advance of the winter

Just to spite him? No. I wanted to get it the while time. He stopped me. I'm only now coming to the realisation that this isn't okay.

@RitaHi how's it going today? Hope you're ok.

The only reason you think covid is "over" is because of the vaccines 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

Weapons?! 😯