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Original poster

To feel like I've been "brainwashed" by my DH

71 replies

RitaHi · 24/09/2022 20:00

My DH has become the type of person who believes the covid vaccine is a way to depopulate.

He puts all his money into cryptocurrency.
He has spent more money than we have on "supplies" such as tinned food and weapons.
He genuinely believes that he has some inside knowledge into the future of the world and needs to "protect" us from it.

We have 400 tins of beans, 200 tins of tuna, hundreds of kg of rice, and it's taking up a whole room in our house.

We had a big chat last night and I said I wasn't on board and could no longer live this way. He agreed to donate half the food to the food bank (which would be about £3000 worth of food.)

Today he's changed his mind and says there is no harm in stockpiling food and he's keeping all of it.

I've tried so many times. He's gone down the rabbit hole and I don't think I can bring him back.

What would you do? I'm so lost 😞

OP posts:
Clymene · 24/09/2022 20:20

Get yourself safe and call the police.

HangingOver · 24/09/2022 20:21

Good grief OP that is extreme behaviour. How long has he been like this and how much longer are you prepared to wait to see if he get better Sad I think you need to get out.

OneFrenchEgg · 24/09/2022 20:24

He has a machete and a crossbow. He doesn't use them but he claims that they're there if we ever did need them.

If this is true I suggest you need to leave. A paranoid person getting worse with access to weapons is a danger to you.

Underthehills · 24/09/2022 20:28

RitaHi · 24/09/2022 20:16

He has a machete and a crossbow. He doesn't use them but he claims that they're there if we ever did need them.

He also has water filtration systems and army ration packs.

We live in a big city, on a third floor flat.

Oh, that’s really scary. Truly scary. Do whatever it takes to keep yourself safe. Don’t worry about being intertwined. That’s the least of your worries. You know what would happen if you told the police about those weapons. Please find a safe way to leave.

Original poster
RitaHi · 24/09/2022 20:30

If I told the police about those weapons would they do anything?
I'm at the end of my tether.

OP posts:
Hankunamatata · 24/09/2022 20:32

Time to leave him OP. Start untangling lives. You have tried the reasonable approach and he doesnt want to listen

whynotwhatknot · 24/09/2022 20:39

theyd probably arrest him but i dont know if its enough for a charge

you need to get out you said you cant live like that to him so follow through -said you asked him t stop and he wont so youre out

PriamFarrl · 24/09/2022 20:41

Are there children?
Do you have anywhere you can go? He is unwell and he’s not going to get better soon.

Favouritefruits · 24/09/2022 20:41

He’s unwell, I wouldn’t go leaving him (yet) if he had a broken leg im sure you’d drag him to the hospital to get help, this is the same thing, he sounds like he needs serious help.

Farmageddon · 24/09/2022 20:42

OP you just need to detach and protect yourself. I'm sorry but he's not the person you married anymore, so just make plans to leave - but don't tell him.
If you have children you need to get them away from him.

Also -
My DH has become the type of person who believes the covid vaccine is a way to depopulate.

Just wondering what the logic behind this is? everyone I know or have heard of who got them are absolutely fine, so if that was the plan it didn't work very well did it...

lannistunut · 24/09/2022 20:43

Oh this must be really sad for you OP Flowers

I think you have to separate and encourage him to get help. If he managed to sort himself out - a big if - you could treat it like any delusional episode and maybe get back together but you have to protect yourself and any other family members from what is happening now.

What are your circumstances, do you work, who owns the property, do you have anywhere you can go, do you have kids?

Bearsporridge · 24/09/2022 20:44

Please be careful if you leave. Trying to leave is the most dangerous time for a woman as it can tip a partner over the edge. He has weapons and is clearly not in the peak of mental health. Be careful Op

FrecklesMalone · 24/09/2022 20:46

He has basically joined a cult. Until he wants to leave there is nothing you can do. By staying with him you are normalising his beliefs. The kindest thing to him and to you is to split

lannistunut · 24/09/2022 20:46

Farmageddon · 24/09/2022 20:42

OP you just need to detach and protect yourself. I'm sorry but he's not the person you married anymore, so just make plans to leave - but don't tell him.
If you have children you need to get them away from him.

Also -
My DH has become the type of person who believes the covid vaccine is a way to depopulate.

Just wondering what the logic behind this is? everyone I know or have heard of who got them are absolutely fine, so if that was the plan it didn't work very well did it...

Conspiracy theories are about feeling control in an out of control world. It is emotional not logical.

COVID has caused an explosion in these ways of thinking because it was scary and showed we are out of control. For many it feels safer for it to be a 'plan' than for it to be a random shitshow. If there is a 'plan' you can learn about it and protect yourself.

Obviously the whole MAGA thing, great reset etc. has already been doing the rounds but COVID as an event fed into the conspiracy mentality.

Mulhollandmagoo · 24/09/2022 20:47

I honestly think you need to leave, but you need to leave quietly and carefully for your own safety. What is your situation with regards to house/finances/children? There are some amazing mumsnetters who will have so much advice and support for you 💐lots of love OP.

almostfamousme · 24/09/2022 20:49

My ex is a conspiracy theorist. Unless your dp is willing to get help, it won't get any better. So you have two choices: you can either stay, and put up with him spending all the money on food and weapons, and listen to/tune out the ranting, or you can leave, and make a better life for yourself. If he values your life together enough, maybe he'll come to his senses. I'm so sorry to be so blunt, but that's the honest and shitty truth.

Agrudge · 24/09/2022 20:55

RitaHi · 24/09/2022 20:30

If I told the police about those weapons would they do anything?
I'm at the end of my tether.

Doubt they will. They aren't illegal to own and hes not threatening anyone with them

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 24/09/2022 21:26

My ex best friend fell down this particular rabbit hole. I am so sorry for you as that's been painful enough. I had to let go as she was being awful to me and it was affecting my mental health. I don't think there's a way back once they've started. I would get a divorce

Farmageddon · 24/09/2022 22:50

lannistunut · 24/09/2022 20:46

Conspiracy theories are about feeling control in an out of control world. It is emotional not logical.

COVID has caused an explosion in these ways of thinking because it was scary and showed we are out of control. For many it feels safer for it to be a 'plan' than for it to be a random shitshow. If there is a 'plan' you can learn about it and protect yourself.

Obviously the whole MAGA thing, great reset etc. has already been doing the rounds but COVID as an event fed into the conspiracy mentality.

Show quote history

That's so interesting, makes a lot of sense actually. I just wonder if when the thing they fear doesn't happen, do many people see that it's ridiculous, or just think it's all part of 'the plan'?

One of my best friends has gone down this path a bit, obviously not as much as OPs husband. I tend to switch off a bit when she goes on about it, but she would say she has lots of evidence for her thinking, but really it's just some quack on youtube, or some blog by a 'doctor'. I find it exhausting to listen to, but she's a lovely person, just a bit lost really.

Original poster
RitaHi · 24/09/2022 22:51

Thanks all. We rent, no kids, thank god.

We've had another massive argument tonight and are now sleeping in separate rooms. He's in the room surrounded by all his bloody rations and weapons. He doesn't see it as a problem.

OP posts:
CrikeyPeg · 25/09/2022 00:07

@RitaHi do you run a business together? Failing that, I can't see how intertwined you could be with renting and no kids. Alas, 16 years together counts for nothing when things are as they are now, and it sounds like it's time for you to quietly and carefully plan your exit from the relationship.

mamabear715 · 25/09/2022 00:16

Ye Gods. :-(

Nursejackie1 · 25/09/2022 00:30

You have one life.Leave this madness now

SheilaWilcox · 25/09/2022 01:06

No kids and renting?
I'd either leave now, or make a plan to leave next time the lease is up for renewal.

And he'd be getting rice and tuna for dinner every night between now and then!

TheHoover · 25/09/2022 01:11

Listen to @Hearthnhome and @almostfamousme

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