Does everyone have someone they secretly fancy?

[dottypotter]

In real life I mean not people in the media/spotlight.
If so have you kept it to yourself or told anyone?
Does everyone have someone they secretly fancy.
I do.

@RhubarbFairy 😂 I was looking up Wrexham shirts yesterday for this reason. I’ve just finished watching the Disney + documentary about him taking over Wrexham, it’s SO good!

Same with me 😂 even in a meeting the other day a filthy thought popped up 🤦🏻‍♀️ I'll never act on it and love and fancy my DP dearly but I have a schoolgirl crush on my colleague

@AbcMurders I think attraction can still feel pretty strong, someone walks into a room and your tummy goes and you think dear god I want to sleep with them. I think that’s what he meant as opposed to a crush I guess which is a longer term thing.

I've been enamoured by someone in my life for a little over a year. I'll never tell them or anyone in real life. Just keep admiring them.

No.

My boss. He’s so kind and obviously makes me feel good when he praises my work. I had a bad childhood so I’m almost certain it is some sort of daddy issue. I would never act on it (I love my job) and am sure it isn’t reciprocated (he’s married) but he does feature in my fantasies where it is safe!

Yes, i am single , he is married. We see each other every day. It is very very clear he fancies me too. If he were not married, i would date him.

No but I am a fairly black and white person. Happy in your relationship? Delete any dating apps you had. Happy in your job? Remove yourself from the likes of Linkedin etc etc. I rarely had my head turned anyway before I met my partner and rarely find a man attractive anyway though.

Most people wouldn’t like it if their partners were spending time thinking about someone else, think it’s called having an emotional affair these days

No, thinking about someone isn’t ‘an emotional affair’ at all. An emotional affair would be an intimate, intense, loving but non-physical relationship with someone else, either in person or through messaging.

There is a huge, huge difference between that and just secretly fancying someone or having an unrequited crush. Nobody has any idea what’s in their partner’s head. People can think about whatever they like. I’ve no idea if my partner thinks about people and frankly I don’t care if he’s not acting on it. It would be insanely controlling and frankly creepy to think you could police what’s in someone’s head.

Whys it unhealthy?
How can you stop.it anyway?

Yes, someone I had a flirtation with when I was a teenager (decades ago!) and still see around from time to time; we still live in the same area and both have a dog of the same breed, so I sometimes chat to him in the park.

It never happened when we were young and it won't happen now as we're both happily married. He's gained weight and lost his looks, but somehow that little crush is definitely still there for me (although I wouldn't dream of acting on it, and neither would I ever tell a soul).

Yes. I do. But it's both of us. And we both know, but do nothing about it.

Yes, a guy from my gym. He's so gorgeous and I've had a couple of opportunities to talk to him but bottled it every time.

Emily Sheffield

No, I adore my partner and nobody could live up to her. I'm very picky about who I spend my time with, and where I expend my energies, anyway. There's no time to waste on crushes.

I have a lovely secret crush. Brightens up the day, and I would never act on it, the guy is married. Its just a safe place to put some feelings - I'm single after years in a shitty marriage. Probably part of what makes him attractive is how nice and faithful he is to his wife. Which of course would evaporate if he strayed! Schrodingers crush?

Yes I have a crush at the moment not a wildly sexual crush more cosy friendship crush

it’s nice I’m enjoying it

I did do but I'm too tired from my dc waking up all hours these days.
It was weird as he although he was alright looking, he was older, had a beer belly and blonde hair, all of which I never ever usually go for but it was a full full on crush at thr time, I used to blush if he was in the same room.

My neighbour is hot 😋 he has a beautiful wife and high achieving, gorgeous kids. He comes out the front sometimes in the summer with his top off 😋 🥵

I think it’s just an appreciation of the eye candy rather than a proper crush, though. We chat and get on well and are both happy with our partners.

@ManateeFair
the full quote is:
’there’s a difference between noticing someone’s attractiveness, in a passing, fleeting unattached sort of way. However actively lusting after someone and coveting their attention, whilst apparently being in love with one’s partner, is contradictory. Most people wouldn’t like it if their partners were spending time thinking about someone else, think it’s called having an emotional affair these days’

Yeah most people wouldn’t care if their parent had passing thoughts. They would care if there partner was fixated on someone and crushing on them hard. Just read through the threads on here if you don’t believe me. Also weird to cut the quote to make it sound like I was saying something else just so you could then oppose it.

Partner not parent

I still have a thing for an ex, despite me being happily married with children. I'm sure I'll always have a little crush on him, but we want very different things out of life - we broke up mutually and on friendly terms. He's lovely though. Rhod Gilbert reminds me of him.

Yes, well, I do.

I still think about an ex from time to time. It's been literally about ten years since I saw him last and we aren't in any contact but I think if I saw him again I'd probably still have a crush, despite being happily married.

In 'real life' no, but I understand why people do, it's just a little distraction isn't it? And as long as you never act on it and it doesn't interfere with your actual life, then I don't think it's much different from having a crush on a celebrity really - harmless.

Yep my kid's teacher. He stands by the school gates and says goodbye to everyone leaving the playground. I'm married and have a lovely life with my DH and would never act upon my crush but I turn giggly when I say goodbye. Mortifying.