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AIBU?

What DH and I have argued about this week

96 replies

Workingmumma86 · 24/09/2022 07:24

DH and I have been arguing a lot this week. It's starting to get to the point where I'm wondering what the point is. Below are some of the arguments we've had.

For reference DH works shifts so has been on nights this week which I appreciate are hard, but when he's spending upwards of 12 hours in bed all day and I'm doing everything round the house it takes a toll on both of us!

  1. I finished work at 5.07pm instead of 5pm as I was on a call which ran over. I then dared go log on a bit later when he was getting ready for work to finish something off
  2. I didn't come out of the office area to work in the living room when he came down for lunch as I was using the 2 screens and was expecting a call
  3. I haven't done as much washing as I should have done this week as I can't use the washing machine when he's trying to sleep (which is pretty much from 5am - 9pm)
  4. Youngest DC (15 months) was poorly this week (temperature) so home from nursery for 2 days. When he got upset as he was feeling poorly I reacted too quickly by picking him up and putting him on lap and trying to work at the same time
  5. I sat on the floor playing with youngest instead of sitting on the sofa cuddling dh
  6. When I did sit on the sofa and give dh a cuddle dc got upset and wanted to join us. He couldn't climb up so started crying. I left dc for a couple of minutes and he got really upset to the point of hyperventilating so I picked him up to sit with us and dh got in a mood and went and sat in another room for an hour.


I'm just feeling drained by the constant petty arguing!
OP posts:
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Am I being unreasonable?

358 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
1%
You are NOT being unreasonable
99%
JulesCobb · 24/09/2022 15:14

He is awful. Absolutely awful. He sounds like a drain.

the sad thing is, he will no doubt still be a shit father when you eventually leave him. So it will still all be on you.

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fdgdfgdfgdfg · 24/09/2022 15:38

Is he actually 5 years old? That's literally the only way I can see these arguments happening.

Does he have any good points at all OP?

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caroleanboneparte · 24/09/2022 17:19

Divorce.


He's a waster.

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Workingmumma86 · 24/09/2022 19:07

Thanks again everyone. Lots to think about.

Today has been awful. Dh not talking to me. And when he does its a snidey comment about something. About how I pick dc up too much. How I haven't done something. I give up.

OP posts:
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Ragwort · 24/09/2022 19:14

There are so many threads like this it's depressing, pathetic men-children who are needy, lazy and not fit to be a parent. Get rid of him, life would be simpler without three 'children' demanding your attention.

As a parent to a DS this is my biggest fear, that I might raise a waste of space. Sad. Although hopefully he will follow DH as a role model - not perfect (none of us are) but at least a fully functioning adult who knows how to run a house, raise a child and be a decent, respectful DH.

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Fairislefandango · 24/09/2022 19:27

Op this isnt a couple arguing. This is a husband abusing his wife.

^This. Not one of the points you list in your OP is a thing it would be reasonable for him to object to in the slightest, never mind give you the silent treatment or be nasty to you about. Not one. He is a horrible, controlling man. Please don't stay with someone who treats you like this. Is this what you want your dc to think marriage is?

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LimeTwists · 24/09/2022 19:43

OP, he sounds utterly selfish, sulky and prone to trying to control and dictate his household. 99% of us currently think this, according to the poll.

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LimeTwists · 24/09/2022 19:45

Also, he’s in bed most of the day not to get 8 hours sleep but because he’s bone idle lazy and having an unnecessarily long amount of peace and rest instead of being a father to three children and a husband to a wife who works full time. You’re incredible. He’s a waste of time.

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Nanny0gg · 24/09/2022 19:49

Workingmumma86 · 24/09/2022 19:07

Thanks again everyone. Lots to think about.

Today has been awful. Dh not talking to me. And when he does its a snidey comment about something. About how I pick dc up too much. How I haven't done something. I give up.

Have you supportive family? Do you own your house? Will you have help with childcare when if you leave him?

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Zerrin13 · 24/09/2022 23:12

I ways tell my daughters that if you marry and have children with a horrible, unkind, selfish, self serving man then you will spend that marriage having a shit miserable life.

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Nevertouchakoala · 24/09/2022 23:19

are it happy at least 80% of the time? If no think seriously what can change.

for what it’s worth he sounds awful 😢

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Pixiedust1234 · 24/09/2022 23:44

Yes OP, give up. Stop trying to placate him. Its time to leave so start sorting things out so you can.

In the meantime get him to use earplugs when he is on nights. My DH does permanent nights and I can hoover right outside the bedroom door and it doesn't disturb him. Same with washing machine etc.

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Fraaahnces · 25/09/2022 00:11

Get rid. He sounds like a lump.

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snowbodi · 26/09/2022 22:02

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at poster's request

Curtainsorblinds · 26/09/2022 22:15

These are not petty arguments. I honestly worry about the impact this must be having on your DC. I can’t imagine anyone wanting a cuddle with their spouse on the sofa while their baby sits and cries alone on the floor. That’s not normal - it’s absolutely repulsive and your poor baby.

can you talk to anyone in real life about this?

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Chilesstanton · 26/09/2022 22:19

Christ he sounds awful

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ElectronicAd7737 · 02/10/2022 20:20

We know what DH's perspectice would be, "I work nights and getting sleep is hard and wife isn't being support or doing her share."

It's absolute BS. And would gloss over all the actual issues. But that's how these type of people work. He's got the energy to go to every home football game for his favorite team, but not to do his share.

He's not trying to sleep, he's trying to get out of being a responsible father and husband. Same reason he refuses to try and change his shift to better hours.

He wants a mommy he can have sex with.

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hamster004 · 03/10/2022 05:26

I read your post to Hubby because I am sure something is wrong with your husband. Either he doesn't want to be on nights but is because of the pay differential, didn't want children, or is having a mid-life crisis. Hubby thinks you need to talk to your husband. You are doing things all by yourself and your husband is too busy doing husband own thing. He is not being realistic on your f/t job and home life. Marriage is a partnership and he is not doing his share.

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pictish · 03/10/2022 06:35

Workingmumma86 · 24/09/2022 19:07

Thanks again everyone. Lots to think about.

Today has been awful. Dh not talking to me. And when he does its a snidey comment about something. About how I pick dc up too much. How I haven't done something. I give up.

Please do. It won’t change. His sense of entitlement leads him to believe that he is in charge of you and you owe him your compliance. In other words, he is controlling and emotionally abusive and considers himself as the top priority.
No matter how you present your case to him he will bat it back to you as your failing.

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pictish · 03/10/2022 06:38

hamster004 · 03/10/2022 05:26

I read your post to Hubby because I am sure something is wrong with your husband. Either he doesn't want to be on nights but is because of the pay differential, didn't want children, or is having a mid-life crisis. Hubby thinks you need to talk to your husband. You are doing things all by yourself and your husband is too busy doing husband own thing. He is not being realistic on your f/t job and home life. Marriage is a partnership and he is not doing his share.

No matter how insightful you reckon hubby is, the OP knows all of that already. She’s currently living it and that’s why she posted. Hubby is simply stating the obvious.
I’m quite sure OP has talked with her husband about this issue many times already.

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Popcorns · 03/10/2022 06:45

How are things, OP?

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