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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

new driver snub

59 replies

wheresmymillionaire · 23/09/2022 19:37

My DD has just passed her driving test (yesterday) with only 3 minors. She has been learning and practising and did her test in her own car, so knows the car well.
On Saturdays she volunteers in the morning, then gets the bus to a drama group in the afternoons.

Now of course, she can drive herself there! She had planned to go to a friends house (2 miles away from the drama group) after volunteering, then give a lift to her friend to drama. But friends mum has said friend can't go in the car with DD as she is a new driver.

DD is a very sensible girl, and the girls have been friends for about 11 years, so the parents know my dd well.
I have realised they are protective over their DD in the past, but this has upset my DD as she thinks they don't trust her.

AIBU to think this is a bit too protective?

OP posts:
Castleheights · 23/09/2022 19:42

Yabu I’m afraid. New drivers are high risk. I actually know of 2 families where new drivers crashed and not all passengers survived. Very very sad. Give it time, don’t take it personally. The family may have similar experiences in the past.

ShowOfHands · 23/09/2022 19:45

A young girl locally passed and weeks later, she crashed and her passenger was killed instantly. She wasn't speeding and wasn't being reckless. The inquest stated that lack of experience meant she didn't react in the way an experienced driver would when a hazard appeared.

It's not about trust, it's about risk assessment.

Cocokitty · 23/09/2022 19:45

I'd not be keen on my child going out with a brand new driver either. My eldest is 20 and I have 2 younger ones. When he passes I won't be asking him to take the younger ones in his car. I'd want to wait 6 months-1year to be honest.

Cocokitty · 23/09/2022 19:46

Was that in the North West? If not I know of the exact same thing happening locally to here.

JaffavsCookie · 23/09/2022 19:46

I agree with the friend’s parents too. Know of far too many fatal crashes with cars and young/inexperienced drivers. My youngest is 22 and I never ( knowingly at least!) let them go in cars with their mates at 17/18.

Cocokitty · 23/09/2022 19:47

Sorry, my quote failed me, that was for @ShowOfHands

anotherdayanotherpathlesstravelled · 23/09/2022 19:47

YABU

pretty sure it was discussed even bringing in new laws preventing new drivers carrying passengers for the first year

ShowOfHands · 23/09/2022 19:48

Sadly, it was in Norfolk. I think there will be similar stories everywhere unfortunately.

FlissyPaps · 23/09/2022 19:48

Sorry OP but I don’t blame your DD’s friends parents. I’m sure it’s nothing personal towards her.

I’m sure after a few months when your DD has gained more independent driving experience her friends parents might feel a bit more comfortable.

girlmom21 · 23/09/2022 20:01

I'd be offended if I was DD but I'd also be exactly the same if I was the friends mom.

FlorettaB · 23/09/2022 20:04

I’d try telling your DD that they’re worried that their DD might distract yours.

Testina · 23/09/2022 20:05

I actually think anyone under the age of 20 shouldn’t be able to take more than 1 passenger in the first year after passing their test. Or something more thought out than that 🤣

I know that wouldn’t even exclude this situation…

But I wouldn’t want my child in the car of a brand new driver either - and you’re being ridiculously over sensitive and personal about it.

scrufffy · 23/09/2022 20:06

First thing my eldest did after they passed their test was take their younger sibling to an activity.

I wouldn't have a problem with it

ASCB31 · 23/09/2022 20:06

My Dad put the rule in place for me that I wasn't allowed to take friends or my siblings as passengers (unless there was a 'grown up' with us too) for 6 months after I'd passed - he had the same rule when he passed! I would say I've always been classed as 'being sensible' too, but it doesn't really matter when it's something that honestly could kill somebody if something goes wrong. You never know how friends may egg on, or how distracted the driver could get with chatting. I totally agree with the other parents. I'd suggest talking to your DD to explain their point of view, you don't want a risk to their friendship with them being cross with each other!

CountFoscoslittlewhitemice · 23/09/2022 20:08

When my sons passed their tests I banned them from taking friends out for the first 12 months. They're not experienced enough imo.

user1471457751 · 23/09/2022 20:11

My parents banned me and my siblings from driving friends around for,I think, 6 months after we passed our tests. Annoying at the time but very sensible and I'm glad they were looking out for us.

ItsJustTheOneSwanActually · 23/09/2022 20:11

A couple of my friends were really bad drivers when they first passed.
Add in a distracting friend ... I don't blame her.

steff13 · 23/09/2022 20:13

In my state a teen driver is only allowed to have one other minor in the car with them when they're driving. It's the law.

pimlicoanna · 23/09/2022 20:14

Oh god you're definitely Unreasonable

RedHelenB · 23/09/2022 20:19

If they're d enough to drive, rhein old enough to decide whether or not they want to be a passenger. Dds friends mum shod butt out. Yanbu.

Original poster
wheresmymillionaire · 23/09/2022 20:23

ok, I'm clearly out voted! DD is going to a different friends house instead. Her parents are fine with DD driving.
I guess I'm just more easy going. DD drove to school and back (we are rural) after she did her test. Maybe I should get her friends to check their parents are ok with DD giving them lifts.

OP posts:
FlissyPaps · 23/09/2022 20:32

wheresmymillionaire · 23/09/2022 20:23

ok, I'm clearly out voted! DD is going to a different friends house instead. Her parents are fine with DD driving.
I guess I'm just more easy going. DD drove to school and back (we are rural) after she did her test. Maybe I should get her friends to check their parents are ok with DD giving them lifts.

I don’t think it’s about other parents not being easy going, it’s more about your DD is a brand new driver. She wouldn’t have come across many situations like a lot of experienced drivers do. She will not know how to react to emergency situations like experienced drivers do. I bet she’s never driven in adverse weather conditions.

Young girls are more likely to have the music turned up, chat together and get distracted when they’re brand new drivers.

Sorry OP but it’s not a good look trying to come across as the cool and laidback parent just because you’re offended by other parents boundaries.

RoseDog · 23/09/2022 20:36

Dd 19 passed her test first time earlier this year and I wouldn't let her drive Ds 17 until she had had a few weeks of driving about!

Aconitum · 23/09/2022 20:43

And we wonder why young people these days seem to have no resilience.
Why are you all infantalising your grown up children?
Glad the OP seems to have more sense.

Twokidsanddone · 23/09/2022 20:53

New drivers can be high risk. I'm a fairly new driver at nearly 30 and have made some really silly mistakes since passing. Generally just panic up against New situations. I never had a lesson during flash flooding for example, but it happened out driving recently. I had a LOT of private lessons with passengers and noise since i have kids and not taking them in the car isn't an option. Neither of you ABU. Your assumption of to pass her test she must be a safe enough driver is a completely fair one. DDs friends parents view of its risky for a little while since lessons driving and real driving are very different is also fair. Other drivers on the road are always the biggest risk and you need practice at reacting to it

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