To ‘let’ DD smoke weed

[sergsap08]

Name changed for this as this may be controversial and I don't want this to follow me around, I just want other peoples opinions

DD is almost 18, she smokes weed occasionally and although I don't like it, if I told her she wasn't allowed she'd do it anyway and just try and hide it from me. DS (20) also smokes weed and I'm the same with him, when I first found out I did try and stop him etc but that didn't work and id rather know what they were up to instead of them lying. They do it maybe once a month if that.

DD has a friend who smokes with her when she does, his mum doesn't like it and tries to stop him. Apparently, they were planning on smoking today but his mum found out and messaged me and told me I shouldn't be allowing it and she doesn't want DS involved as he's easily led as he has ADHD so she told me I should stop DD from smoking or she doesn't want him talking to DD (something I don't think she can stop as they go to college together etc) and she said I'm irresponsible for letting my children smoke.

Aibu or is she?

But you're telling people to educate themselves. People who believe something don't have to evidence if to you. If you believe they're uneducated you're in the perfect position to educate them.

Any studies you look at will clarify that any link between cannabis use and poor mental health is difficult to quantify and impossible to determine the direction of correlation. It's hyperbolic to shout about weed being bad for us whilst ignoring the increasing strength of evidence of it's benefits. Our drugs policy and attitudes are stuck in the past.

This ☝️

But he isn't an adult, and for now his mother is obviously motivated to feel that it's not a good idea for him. From what I've read, with ADHD there can be self-reported benefits but as self-medication is not recommended for under-25s, and particularly not if someone with ADHD is taking medication (esp stimulants).

I've conflicting feelings/opinions on the OP's AIBU but I do feel for the other mother who has probably had cause to be very involved in her son's treatment and is likely to have greater concerns about the adverse impact of cannabis on his health/cognition/psychological state than the OP is about her dcs. I think the OP should and could ask her DD to take that into account and perhaps if she is going to smoke cannabis, not to do so with this one person. If she's ok with knowing her DD is smoking, she could try to ensure she's acting responsibly about it.

I'd say to her, look X's mum is really concerned about this, and she has a point, because while it can be bad news for anyone, it's really bad news for people who have certain conditions or predispositions. I worry about you getting into smoking it and I worry about him. I see what happens and I don't want that for you. Please will you consider whether its something in your heart of hearts you want to be part of or encourage others into.

I was like you op but didnt realise my DS had a very addictive personality. He started smoking bongs and was permanently stoned. It was awful. I made the house and gardens a no smoke zone. I couldnt stop DS and his mates smoking but they had to go out and away to do it.

You can't stop them but you don't need to condone it and allow it to happen around you

It’s probably too late to raise your children not to be stoners and addicts. I don’t see what you can do at this point, that ship has sailed!

My parents were really strict. I still smoked weed with my friends. Like your DD it wasnt all the time, just occasionally. I just hid it well and theres nothing my parents could have done.
To make you feel better, we were a group of 15 people and most smoked very regularly several times a week. Some even every day and some joined once in a while. Im still in contact with all of them more or less and nobody has a drug problem. Everyones married and fully off it. I think only 3 of them still smoke it very occasionally every couple months or so.

Keep an eye on it so that it doesnt increase and get out of hand. But you honestly cant stop her unless you supervise 24/7.