To ‘let’ DD smoke weed

[sergsap08]

Name changed for this as this may be controversial and I don't want this to follow me around, I just want other peoples opinions

DD is almost 18, she smokes weed occasionally and although I don't like it, if I told her she wasn't allowed she'd do it anyway and just try and hide it from me. DS (20) also smokes weed and I'm the same with him, when I first found out I did try and stop him etc but that didn't work and id rather know what they were up to instead of them lying. They do it maybe once a month if that.

DD has a friend who smokes with her when she does, his mum doesn't like it and tries to stop him. Apparently, they were planning on smoking today but his mum found out and messaged me and told me I shouldn't be allowing it and she doesn't want DS involved as he's easily led as he has ADHD so she told me I should stop DD from smoking or she doesn't want him talking to DD (something I don't think she can stop as they go to college together etc) and she said I'm irresponsible for letting my children smoke.

Aibu or is she?

A relative is addicted to it. Smokes around 7 joints a day. Can’t function without it.

has now become a drug runner for a dealer. His brother is addicted to it, and he has manic schizophrenia episodes, hears voices the lot!

these are men in their 60s.

Its more accurate to say that people become psychologically dependent rather than addicted

In response to your comment though you must lead a sheltered life..... you can get weed anywhere just like most drugs 😂

Yes, when a teen buys weed, it comes from the lovely elderly chap down the road who grows a few plants amongst the tomato ones. He is "only" growing it for his grand daughter with MS. Yeah right.

Buying weed funds criminal activity. Where I live, there are regular police busts of weed farms... basically gutted houses with 100s of thousands of £ worth of weed there. Look up county lines too.

Then the mental health aspect. I have been inpatient alongside many people who were there due to weed induced psychosis. Not a single MH professional will suggest weed as a way to manage anxiety or any other condition. People say it is not addictive. That is bull. Maybe not physically, but certainly psychologically.

Yes, she knows the side effects and I don't condone it and she knows that,I just don't stop her.

I replied to the boys mum that I can't stop dd smoking weed just how she can't stop her ds speaking to dd as they won't listen and that I appreciate she doesn't like it but I can't stop dd as in a few weeks she'll be an adult.

I know long term cannibals smokers who have had brain clots, one died, one paralysed. It's not harmless, everything has a side effect. Also weed is funding drug dealers and organised crime.

It's fine. Legal in lots of countries.

Isn't legal cannabis quite different to street cannabis?
Less strong, not mixed with goodness knows what, more controlled?

Having had issues within my wider family with street drugs, starting with cannabis, I could never condone my own child being involved with the street drug trade. She knows the whole history though and, at 20, appears sensible and has claimed to have no interest. Most of her friends don't and aren't interested. A couple of the lads have and they've distanced themselves from them for various reasons.

And perhaps talk to them about side effects of persistent weed use

Have you spoken to her about the trade behind it, the dealers, the county lines issues, the violence often linked to it, the issues in poorer countries as well as her own country - all aided and funded by people who choose to smoke it.

Tbh I would treat it the same as alcohol with the occasional conversation about the legal implications of getting caught/failing a drugs test, which they already know I'm sure.

PP should educate themselves on the actual science around marijuana rather than hawking on about links which have never been proven

Isn't legal cannabis quite different to street cannabis?

Yeah it's much stronger

Please do educate us

Why don't you start with the 'side effects' that you mention below, and the evidence, and we can go from there?

Why don't you give the evidence of the points you're trying to make, if you're so 'educated'?

We gave an ultimatum. You either do these illegal things or you lose us for ever. No more Christmases, no more birthdays, no more family events. You're out - you'll have no more contact. You won't know when your sister's died or if we have. Your choice. Choose us or the friends who give you these things - who means more. Now go away and think about it

Frightened the life out of him. As good as gold now, with a 50K managerial job. Lives at home with us and no problems ever after.

But that hurt. I was scared stiff he would walk out and we'd never see him again. A time for harsh parenting.

It's for those who make claims to evidence them no? If people want to insist weed causes mental health problems for example, the onus is on them to prove it

You can't 'make' her stop smoking so YANBU. I hope you keep communication open and are informed about the actual risks, you'll get far more mileage from teenagers by talking about real drawbacks of weed/other substances than being all panicky and scaremongering. Weed is bad for teenagers for many reasons. Maybe explore with her whether she has experienced any negative effects and whether you can find any contraindications between 'I enjoy doing it' and 'actually it makes me feel x or y' but it's perfectly possible she doesn't experience any negative effects 🤷🏼‍♀️

The word contraindication was supposed to be contradictions

@Perfect28 There is a tonne of research demonstrating the link between cannabis use and psychosis, whether short term psychotic episodes and a link to development of schizophrenia (particularly if a person has a genetic vulnerability to psychosis/schizophrenia). It’s very easy to find this information and it’s a widely accepted link. I used to work as an assistant psychologist for the early intervention service for psychosis and the vast majority of service users had a history of drug use (most often cannabis, sometimes progressing to lsd or cocaine).

But, you can’t stop an adult smoking weed. If you’ve warned them of the dangers and they’ve chose to carry on I would just ensure I wasn’t funding the habit and it wasn’t taking place in my home. I wouldn’t do as @happyinherts suggests and give an ultimatum, that could back fire if they choose cannabis and choose to leave. Then they don’t have anywhere to go for support and if living with friends or people they know there’s the risk of them becoming involved in other drugs.

YABU

Namechanger965

That would be the choice they make. They have to know we mean business. Who do you think more of - the scum that provide you with illegal shit, or parents who ensured you went to a good school, gained qualifications and set you up for life? If they want to go and sink further, live on the streets, die of drugs, so be it. Their choice. I frightened the life out of my youngest, who was older than 18 - he stood there like a quibbling wreck when faced with his choices. Us OR them.

It was a gamble which hurt me too. I was terrified he'd walk out and I'd never see him again. Had to be cruel to be kind.

I feel for the other mum, ADHD symptoms can get seriously exacerbated by THC. At the same time, her trying to involve herself with his friendships is likely to alienate him/annoy him. Is there any way you could ask your DD that - if she is going to smoke weed - that she not do it with him? You say it's only once a month or so, and that you've spoken to her about potential ill effects.

It would be worth exploring whether she's experienced any ill effects in a non-judgmental way with her, and to let her know you're unhappy about her doing anything that could impact her health as you love her and have tried to keep her safe since she was born etc so it flies in the face of being a parent to condone it, but that while you don't like it you'd prefer to know what she's up to.

I guess the bigger question is does everyone want to know everything our dcs get up to or not?

ADHD symptoms can get seriously exacerbated by THC

and many adults with ADHD symptoms find that weed helps. It's not black and white.

How can I prove that a boy I know had his first schizophrenic episode of cannabis and tried to harm himself with a knife? He survived but his mental health was screwed up after and he has lots of scars.

I think at that age, theyre adults and its completely up to you what you prioritise.
If she wants to stop her kid seeing your kid then thats between them. Theyre not little children. Tell her that youre not 'allowing' but neither are you micromanaging your young adults lives.

Either that or just ignore the message and block her. Its bad enough having to be involved with younger kids friendships and friends parents opinions, but youd hope by nearly 18 theyd back off a bit.
Its convenient for her to think her kid is just easily led, but your kid is the troublemaker, when both of them want to smoke it.